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How to Meet Your Self: The Workbook for Self-Discovery

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MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS PAST: WHAT HAVE I DONE THAT MAKES ME PROUD? ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ PRESENT: WHAT AM DOING/I GOING TO DO THAT WILL MAKE ME PROUD? ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ FUTURE: WHAT DO I NEED TO DO THAT WILL MAKE ME PROUD THAT I HAVEN’T DONE YET? ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 12 www.sharireinhart.com WHAT AM I MADE OF? MY TALENTS AND SKILLS • WHAT ARE MY TALENTS? (A NATURAL APTITUDE) ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ • WHAT AM I SKILLED AT? (A DEVELOPED APTITUDE OR ABILITY) ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ • WHICH OF MY TALENTS OR SKILLS AROUSE GREAT PRIDE OR SATISFACTION IN ME? ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 8 www.sharireinhart.com

SELF-COMPASSION Gratitude. Kindness. Vulnerability. Generosity. Love. Awe. Compassion. Dozens of positive, pro-social emotions have been studied by behavioural scientists and neuroscientists and the words above are a partial list of these positive emotions. For the sake of this Know Yourself eBook, I want to talk about compassion with you. There’s plenty of research on self-compassion and all of it confirms that to be compassionate is to benefit well-being. The more compassionate we are with ourselves the greater likelihood we will increase self-esteem, happiness, motivation and overall life satisfaction. Bonus: Compassionate people also display the resilience needed to cope with stressful life events such as divorce, health crises, and academic failure, and even combat trauma. To be compassionate towards oneself and towards other is a proven life enhancer. As for me, I’ve read so many experts on this subject through the course of my own self- development process and one standout that I learned from my mentors was this: The more I practice self-compassion activities such as affirmations and reframing thoughts from negative to positive, the kinder and gentle I am with myself. Self-compassion is especially potent because it activates the care-giving system and moves us to act, care, and protect. So I ask you; are you compassionate with yourself? If not, after having worked through the Meet Yourself reflections, might you be inclined to start grooming some compassion for yourself? The Meet Yourself Handbook 21 WHICH OF THESE AM I MOST PASSIONATE ABOUT? ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ • AM I ABLE TO APPLY, PRACTICE OR USE THEM IN MY DAILY LIFE? ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ talents & skills The Meet Yourself Handbook 9Add more here if you have more: ‰ ‰ ‰ ‰ ‰ ‰ ‰ ‰ ‰ ‰ OF THE VALUES IN THE ABOVE LIST, NAME AT LEAST 3 THAT ARE NON-NEGOTIABLE (THAT YOU CAN’T AND WON’T COMPROMISE ON) AND EXPLAIN WHY ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ HOW DO MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY DESCRIBE ME? DOES WHAT THEY THINK OF ME ALIGN AND MATCH WITH HOW I SEE MYSELF AND MY VALUES? ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ The Meet Yourself Handbook 11 Hello, I don’t know what it’s like for you but for me, it’s only when I consciously decide to learn about myself that I actually do. Alone time is as sacred to me as family time. Often, when I’m alone I’ll often use the time to engage with myself where distractions can’t interfere with such questions, as… “Who am I?” “What do I believe is true for sure?” “Where did that belief come from? “How do I know if it’s still really true for me today?” “What do I really believe these days?” My personal example Growing up I was raised to believe that as long as I was a good practicing Jew that would mean I was automatically a good and decent human. So I went to synagogue and I brought in the Sabbath and when I had my own home and family I made sure we abided by all the laws of Kashrut. I kept a strictly kosher kitchen and we brought in the Sabbath every week with prayer and song and candles and challah. And we went to synagogue for the high holidays. But, here’s the thing; I was never comfortable in synagogue, nor did I enjoy all the work I needed to do preparing for the Sabbath meal every week. As the years went by, I began to feel increasingly more resentful and exhausted. It felt like an obligation I didn’t want to have. I just couldn’t keep it up and, with all my friends loving it and feeling energized by it, I thought there was so much wrong with me. I grew ashamed and guilty because, after all, I was raised to do this and didn’t want to. I hated it. I grew increasingly unhappier with the obligations of keeping a kosher home; to the point where on Friday nights, when the kitchen was finally cleaned, the fatigue settled heavily and deep into my bones. Feeling spent, I went right to sleep after dinner every single Friday night for many years. 4 www.sharireinhart.com

TABLE OF CONTENTS INTRODUCTION 4 LET’S GET INTO RADICAL SELF-REFLECTION 7 WHAT AM I MADE OF? 8 SELF-REFLECTION QUESTIONS 14 EMBODIED REFLECTION 18 SELF-COMPASSION 21 REFLECTION-WRITING; BECOMING YOURSELF AGAIN 24 The Meet Yourself Handbook 3 Below is a self-compassion scale created by Dr. Kristen Neff who works with distressed individuals to help them practice self-love and compassion. The worksheet consists of 26 statements that describe our feelings and actions on a scale from rarely to very often, the sum of which indicates how compassionately we treat ourselves. Give it a go:  Rarely  Sometimes  Not sure  Often  Very often ___ I’m disapproving and judgmental about my flaws and inadequacies. ___ When I feel low, I tend to obsess and fixate on everything that is wrong. ___ When things are tough, I see the difficulties as part of life that everyone goes through. ___ When I think about my inadequacies, I feel more separate and cut off from the rest of the world. ___ I try to be loving towards myself when I’m feeling emotional pain. ___ When I fail, I become consumed by feelings of inadequacy. ___ When I’m down and out, I remind myself that there are lots of other people in the world feeling like I am. ___ When times are rough, I tend to be tough on myself. ___ When something upsets me, I try to keep my emotions in balance. ___ When I feel inadequate, I remind myself that most people share feelings of inadequacy. ___ I’m intolerant and impatient towards those aspects of my personality I don’t like. ___ When I’m going through a tough time, I give myself the caring and tenderness I need. ___ When I’m feeling down, I tend to feel like most other people are probably happier than I am. ___ When something painful happens, I try to take a balanced view of the situation. ___ I try to see my failings as part of the human condition. ___ When I see aspects of myself that I don’t like, I get down on myself. ___ When I fail at something important to me, I try to keep things in perspective. 22 www.sharireinhart.com Finish the sentence I DO MY BEST WHEN _____________________________________________________________ I AM COMFORTABLE WHEN ______________________________________________________ I FEEL STRESS WHEN _____________________________________________________________ I FEEL OVERWHELMED WHEN _____________________________________________________ I AM BEING COURAGEOUS WHEN _________________________________________________ ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS I BELIEVE _________________________________ I MISSED A GREAT OPPORTUNITY WHEN __________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ MAKES ME FEEL GOOD ______________________________________________________ MAKES ME FEEL RESENTFUL __________________________________________________________________ MOTIVATES ME _______________________________________________________IS MY FAVOURITE MEMORY __________________________________________WAS MY TOUGHEST DECISION TO MAKE BEING ME IS HARD BECAUSE ____________________________________________________ I WISH I WERE LESS _____________________________________________________________ I WISH I WERE MORE ___________________________________________________________ I WISH I WOULD REGULARLY ____________________________________________________ LIFE SHOULD BE MORE ABOUT _________________________________________________ I AM GOING TO MAKE MY LIFE ABOUT __________________________________________ The Meet Yourself Handbook 13LET’S GET INTO RADICAL SELF-REFLECTION Self-reflection is like holding a mirror to yourself and describing what you see. The more you do this, the deeper you will go and the better you will understand why you do what you do and why you think the thoughts you think. Slowing down to sit in quiet reflection and paying attention to your inner voice - more than other people’s opinions - is the best way to get a sense of who you really are deep inside, what you want from this life of yours, and how you will get there. Are you ready to meet Yourself? Just say YES and get ready as we delve into the underbelly of who you think you are to who you really are. Be prepared to cultivate radical self-awareness Be prepared to find your voice and speak your truth Be prepared to start alchemizing some of your suffering into personal victories Ready? Okay, let’s do this! The Meet Yourself Handbook 7 SELF-REFLECTION QUESTIONS Select 5 to 10 of the following questions to work on. If you love this exercise and want to keep learning more about yourself there’s nothing to stop you. Keep going! ‰ Am I using my time wisely? ‰ What do I take for granted? ‰ In what ways can I improve my perspective? ‰ Am I living true to myself? ‰ What positive thoughts are alive in my mind? ‰ What negative thoughts are alive in my mind? ‰ Do I have a daily wellness practice? What is it? ‰ When was I brave? Describe. ‰ When was I cowardly? Describe. ‰ Who really scares me? ‰ What really scares me? ‰ What worries me most about next year (or the next 2 - 5 years)? ‰ What did I ‘copy’ from my childhood that doesn’t feel right in my adult now? ‰ What did I leave behind that I wish I could start up again? ‰ If this were the last day of my life, would I have the same plans for today? ‰ What am I holding onto that I need to let go of? List them. ‰ What matters most in my life? List them all. ‰ What currently leads to most of my happiness and fulfillment? ‰ What concern or problem do I feel most compelled to solve? ‰ How would I spend my day if I knew I didn’t have to go to my job? ‰ What do I get so consumed with that I forget to eat or sleep? ‰ What am I doing about the things that matter most in my life? ‰ What would I do right now if I wasn’t afraid? ‰ Do I wake up happy? Why or why not? ‰ What have I given up on? ‰ When did I last push the boundaries of my comfort zone? Describe in detail. ‰ What small act of kindness was I once shown that I will never forget? ‰ Why do I matter? ‰ What 3 characteristics do I want to improve in myself? ‰ Am I holding resentment towards someone? How can I let that go? ‰ Is it more important to love or be loved? Explain. ‰ What is life asking of me? ‰ What can I control? Am I willing to let go of what I can’t control? ‰ How do I want to be perceived by others? Am I really that person? ‰ What do I imagine when I think about my legacy? Am I living in accordance with that now? 14 www.sharireinhart.com

WHAT ONE THING WILL I SAY YES TO AND PUT INTO ACTION? ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ THESE ARE THE STEPS I WILL TAKE: ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 20 www.sharireinhart.com EMBODIED REFLECTION I think that you will find that as you go through these reflection exercises your awareness of yourself will expand. Awesome! This is very important because nothing new can happen to you or for you without an awareness and acceptance of what is really true for you. You might have discovered several areas that you would like to improve on. You will choose only one to work on until you have overcome or mastered it. And then move onto another. To start embodying the reflection work you did means that you will start bringing concrete form to the discoveries you made so you can express them in your life. It means replacing old beliefs, perceptions, ideas and habits with new ones that you commit to putting into action. This is you making sustainable change. Essentially, when you know better, you do better. Now that you understand more about yourself than you did before you participated in these exercises, you might want to try some of the prompts and suggestions below. These can be used to help you alchemize knowledge and awareness into embodying the new wisdom, so no matter what challenges you meet, you are emotionally, mentally and spiritually strong and able to handle them. 18 www.sharireinhart.com

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