Straight Mate's First Date Plan B

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You talk about gay life / society but here you are misunderstanding what being gay is actually about. The press / TV only show a very small, flamboyant, section of the gay world. The vast majority of gay men are indistinguishable from their straight counterparts, they do all the same sorts of things in their daily lives, except perhaps in bed. One does not need to enjoy anal intercourse to be gay, the vast majority never bother with it. I speak here as a predominately gay man who knows hundreds of others and their lifestyles. he told the girlfriend that he was drunk and remembers nothing so she can believe the lie too. he told you that as well as an indirect way of saying "whatever happened, dont bring it up again and it did not happen".

Could he really remain awake and aroused and physically active during all of this, yet forget it all by the time he woke up the next morning? I don’t pretend to remember everything (I was pretty drunk myself), but I sure remember enough to know it happened. I had a similar experience with a 'straight' friend many years ago. We had a few drinks, I slept over his place, and then during the night while we were passed out together he started touching my face and laughing. At first I thought he was just being a goof, but then I moved a little closer. Before I knew it we were making out and it went from there.

And so, there I was, sitting on the couch in my grey sweats and pulling this bandana over my eyes. “No looking man – got it?” he said with a seriousness in his voice. I went straight to Groove Records and bought a copy on import the next day. The biggest night that played loads of house music was Pyramid at Heaven where Mark Moore and Colin Faver were residents.” Other men chose to have sex with men for reasons related to masculinity. Some men enjoyed receiving anal sex from other men because this act allowed them to experience pleasure, but without the pressure they felt when they had sex with women. For example, several men explained that they felt like they were expected to be in control when they had sex with women, but not with men. Several single men were lonely or wanted to experience human touch, but were unsure how to do so platonically in a way that felt masculine. Sex helped them connect with other men in a way that felt masculine to them, ironic as that may sound. In the days that followed that first incident, I worried about our friendship turning awkward. If you’ve ever gotten with a guy who identifies as straight, you know what I mean. Things can turn south real fast. Do we keep quiet for another 10 years and hope it happens again or do we do it often and hope it keeps our needs subdued?

I don’t hate, just wish I could still be in the loving environment like nothing had happened. Only to realize and feel a pain in my heart that NO, THEY DID NOT CARE DAMN ABOUT YOU FROM THE BEGINNING. THEY DIDN’T GIVE SHIT ABOUT YOU. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU ONLY BROKE HARMONY IN THE HOUSE. OR AT THE VERY LEAST IT EXPOSED TO THE THREATS AND DANGER TO THE COMMUNITY. THEY DON’T WANT TO ADMIT IT EVEN HAPPENED IN THE HOUSE. We know this because he’s getting an erection while wrestling with you. Well, that and because the guy all but told you to service him. And I love that her and I love people who own who they are, no matter what judgment other people might throw at them. Do you think she will understand that this was just a physical act that occurred in your intoxicated state and in no way reflects on your sexual preference? I’ve told you that I don’t think this makes you gay or even bi, but it’s not like you can just print off this post and show it to your girlfriend as proof. I think that most straight people have a problem understanding situations like this because they identify so strongly with being straight. So until they find themselves in a similar situation, they don’t see how it can be possible for a straight person to have a sexual experience with a person of the same sex and not be gay or at least bisexual. This is why you’re having such a hard time dealing with the whole experience, and it’s very likely that your girlfriend would have a problem with it for the same reasons. I hope that you are able to come to terms with this situation, realize why it happened, and realize that it doesn’t change anything about you or your orientation. I think it would be much harder for your girlfriend to come to terms with the situation because she’s not the one it happened to.

Ask if they’ve told anyone else and how it went

They are straight. They are not interested in a romantic relationship with you; if they were they'd come out as bisexual or gay. They have not, therefore there is no hope for a relationship with them. You're only setting yourself up for failure, heartbreak, and the loss of a friend. Should I text him to say I know something happened that night that shouldn't have happened? And that I've been feeling very confused and stressed about the situation? Or do I just try to pretend it never happened and hope it becomes a distant memory and that when we next see each other we can just laugh it off?

Here’s the part where I plead for your advice. What do you think? Have you experienced anything like this before? What’s the correct protocol for handling a situation like this? Don’t get me wrong, I know there’s still a journey to go for a lot of people in some communities, but I think it’s a good time to recognise that and also remind ourselves of how far we’ve come. Of course, HIV didn’t single out creatives, but the clubs were fuelled and populated by that crowd. The club kids and older gay men who’d ruled discos in the ‘70s suddenly became thin on the ground. Between ’88 and ’93, I was either raving or grieving.

Congratulate them on finding the courage

We’ve talked on the phone and exchanged text messages a few times over the past few days, but still haven’t met face-to-face since this all happened. I do have plans to go hang out with him in a couple of days. Here’s the thing Jimmy, there’s no right or wrong answer. Much depends on this guy’s emotional makeup and mental maturity. The truth is things could go either way, meaning bad or good. Yeah, by taking the water he pretty much screamed that he remembers what happened. That was pretty much a dead give away. If you aren’t sure, that could be an indication that maybe, hooking up with him isn’t a smart move. On the other hand, if you feel he’ll be cool with it, then why not enjoy?