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Emily Sauer, founder of Lady Parts Justice League, is working for a future where painful intercourse will be history. Sauer and others draw a direct line from this legacy of overt sexual bias in the medical domain to modern practitioners' widespread cluelessness about and dismissiveness of receptive partners' reports of pain during deep penetration. This history also goes a long way towards explaining why even seemingly progressive guides to navigating this sort of pain focus on what a receptive partner can do to accommodate a big penis, rather than on what a penis-haver can do to work with receptive anatomy. Notably, most prescribe relaxation techniques, stretching regimens, plenty of build-up and lubrication, and positions that task receptive partners with controlling the depth, angle, and speed of penetration. Bigger isn't always better Furthermore, Sauer says many women find the topic difficult to discuss and often won’t report sexual pain when they begin experiencing it. And if you don’t like the sensation of a new toy the very first time you use it, don’t give up on it just yet. “The first time we try anything, we’re doing what we call spectatoring, which is observing ourselves, how it’s going, what we thought, what our partner thought. We’re in our heads and not so much in the experience,” says Fleming. “So try, try again.” If you need to strengthen your pelvic floor, the sexual wellness retailer's Silicone Kegel Toning Set can help. It's cleverly shaped for easy, progressive training in 50g, 80g and 100g weights. By strengthening the pelvic floor, this set may improve bladder control and increase the intensity of orgasms.

The Ohnut approaches “painful sex holistically,” allowing users to control how deeply the vagina is penetrated during sex through compression technology and a patent-pending linking ring.Another product worth considering is the Silicone Dilator Set. If you suffer from vaginal tightness, these dilators can gradually increase in diameter so you can slowly introduce your body to penetration.

These DIY solutions spread through the queer community, ever experimental and broadly liberated from heterosexual cultural scripts as it is, over the course of a few decades, Boyajian notes. But "it wasn’t until six or seven years ago that I first saw the same methods discussed by cisgender women who were finding penetration uncomfortable or painful." They believe this reflects a sea change in sexual discourse over the last decade, flowing out of novel online spaces that finally gave women room to publicly critique and organize against the widespread disregard for their experiences. We feel this new range offers both sexes relief and workable ways to improve sexual satisfaction and performance.” A penis-shortening device modeled after Giulelmus Fabricius Hildanus' description. Credit: Courtesy of Erwin KompanjeDepending on the situation and person, pain can also occur at different times, including during sexual entry or other types of penetration (e.g., inserting a tampon), during deep thrusting, or hours after intercourse.