‘Mum, What’s Wrong with You?’: 101 Things Only Mothers of Teenage Girls Know

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Do not worry. You're not alone. Parenting columnist Lorraine Candy, a mum of four (including three teens), is here to help. Her warm and witty family memoir will lead you to a more harmonious parenting place. Alongside a wealth of hilarious personal anecdotes, Candy offers you useful, easy-to-follow, well-researched guidance from experts. Some are comfortable speaking words of affection, others prefer to show how they feel by giving their time, attention or even gifts. Whilst some people prefer little acts of devotion to show their support. The way you are with family members in the present might be influenced by outdated behaviors established in childhood. If a member of your family is physically abusive towards you this is clearly unacceptable and not something you should have to deal with alone.

Although it’s a fine line, a toxic relationship isn’t always synonymous with emotional abuse, which can also come out in the words your mom uses. "A toxic relationship is a dynamic between two or more people where emotional needs generally go unmet because of issues that have nothing to do with the other person," Danielle Forshee, Psy.D, L.C.S.W., tells Bustle. While toxicity can be tough to spot, it often comes down to how another person makes you feel. “The word ‘toxic’ in terms of a relationship means that one person’s behavior leads to serious negative emotional consequences for the other person,” says Elliot Pinsly, LMSW, a licensed clinical social worker. Whether it’s intentional or subconscious, “a toxic person tends to be controlling, demanding, manipulative, demeaning, and/or self-centered,” he says. And it can leave you feeling down, or as if your self-esteem has taken a hit. Your boundaries act as your own individual set of rules. It’s almost like your own private club, where the do’s and don’ts are clearly laid out. For whatever reason, we don’t all have the same to give in life. What matters is that you are giving what you can. What we choose to share with the people in our lives is how we feel close to them. Why don’t my family care about me? When a parent is prone to toxicity, they often have a Rolodex of biting phrases that come out on a regular basis. Things like “why don’t you just grow up” or “I never said that” might ring a bell. And if it truly is an ongoing problem, it can start to affect your relationship with them as well as how you feel about yourself.Having completed the course myself, and as a child of a slightly dysfunctional parents, I can say that his guidance on breaking free from family expectations and building your own life is absolutely life changing. Often we feel at the mercy of others. We think that how we feel is an unavoidable consequence of what someone else says or does. But really, we give them this power. It is always your own mind that creates the suffering you experience.

Is getting a “well done”, “good job” or “congratulations” out of anyone in your family, a bit like trying to get blood from a stone? Perhaps every time you meet they talk for hours about their problems or dramas, yet take very little interest in what you’re going through. If your mom is immature, it may feel like you’ve always been the “mom” in the situation. This is what’s known as “ parentification,” Dr. Racine R. Henry, PhD, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle. "It’s when children are expected to perform the physical/emotional/mental duties normally expected of a parent.” Parentification is unfair to experience as a kid because the parent/child roles are reversed. And as an adult, it can mean you have all sorts of conflict because your mom is unwilling to change, says Henry.In the next section, we’ll run through what you can do to improve family relationships and protect yourself from harm. 6 steps for dealing with difficult family members What is more important to me, would I rather be “right” or happy? 5) Don’t compare your family to others