The Impossible Change: Lesbian to Missionary (0)

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No doubt partially due to lesbians’ excellent communication skills and lengthy lap-nap sessions, lesbians have more orgasms than straight and bi women. A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine polled 1,497 men and 1,353 women who'd been sexually active within the past year. Participants were asked to state their gender, sexual orientation and the percentage of time they orgasmed "with a familiar partner." While many people still use the term lesbian sex, any LGBTQ+ person will tell you it’s outdated. Lesbian sex implies it involves two women who both identify as lesbians. We know not just women have vulvas and vaginas (some transgender and non-binary people do, too), and that not all women and people with vulvas who have sex with other women and people with vulvas identify as lesbians (they may identify as queer, bisexual, or pansexual, for example). So instead of using the term lesbian sex, we should instead be referring to it with a more inclusive term, like vulva-to-vulva sex, sex between two women or people with vulvas, or even just queer sex.

While transmission is less likely during oral sex than during penetrative penis-in-vagina or penis-in-anus sex, there are still many STIs that can be passed on. Most commonly passed on this way are herpes, gonorrhoea and syphilis. Although less likely, chlamydia, HIV, hepatitis A, B and C and HPV – which causes genital warts - are still able to be passed on during oral sex. STI tests When engaging in fingering or fisting, Dr Bisbey recommends wearing gloves as this can reduce the risk of STI transmission. Finger cots can also be used for anal fingering and play. Pregnancy

Furthermore,” Blair explains, “very few women in same-sex relationships reported very brief sexual encounters, possibly providing a hint as to why their sexual frequency numbers tend to be lower than the other three groups.”

The first time I saw Saving Face, I couldn’t believe that a charming, funny, complex, beautifully felt movie like this existed and that it hadn’t been embraced as part of the mainstream rom-com canon. Though Autostraddle has named it the second-best lesbian movie of all time (behind only But I’m A Cheerleader), and filmmakers like Ali Wong, Lulu Wang, and Awkwafina have cited it as a major influence, Saving Face is mostly still a hidden gem for mainstream rom-com fans. It was released in the era of The L Word and Imagine Me & You, when there was a sense that queer romances would just keep coming, which is perhaps part of the reason critics tempered some of their praise for Saving Face, calling it slight and familiar, cute but hardly groundbreaking. But the film seems more ahead of its time when viewed from the vantage point of 2021, when cheerful lesbian rom-coms like Happiest Season are still few and far between, and Asian American characters (and stars) have only now started to move to the center of Hollywood romances, in movies like Crazy Rich Asians and To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before . Saving Face subverts some rom-com clichés while leaning into others, before ultimately ending on a truly romantic note. The final scene brings the film full circle and ties all of its themes together in a satisfying, well-earned way. Wu depicts a world where prejudice exists but change is still possible. And, crucially, Wil, Vivian, and Hwei-Lan don’t need to leave behind their community to find it. They just need to defy its more regressive, patriarchal side. It’s a message that’s still relevant to the unique challenges Asian Americans can face when coming out. While the term may primarily be associated with the sapphic contingent, anyone who’s curious about trying non-penetrative, erotic rubbing can chat with their sexual partner about it and give it a try. If everyone’s on board and necessary precautions are taken, there’s nothing to lose! Scissoring sex positionsScissoring is another hotly debated topic. If you’ve ever watched lesbian porn, you could be forgiven for thinking scissoring is all women and vagina-havers do when they have sex with each other. In truth, some queer people love scissoring and do it regularly, others say it doesn’t work for them and it’s not part of their sex lives. Oral sex If it’s your first time having sex with a woman or someone with a vulva, Dr Bisbey says you should treat it like you would having sex of any kind for the first time. Wu is also careful not to depict the Chinese-American community as a monolith. Wil is so deeply closeted around her family that we assume Vivian must be too, until her mom calls and leaves a sweet answering machine message asking about her daughter’s new girlfriend. It’s one of the many places where Wu emphasizes the diversity of perspectives that exist in Flushing’s Chinese-American enclave. While Hwei-Lan dislikes her daughter’s tomboyish style, Wil’s warm grandmother (Guang Lan Koh) compliments the practicality of her granddaughter’s footwear with the darkly funny line, “I had a pair just like those during the Revolution. Sturdy and practical. Just the thing for war.” At the same time that the LDS community became aware of lesbianism in the larger society, relationships between women within the LDS community were often celebrated or encouraged. Mormon suffragist Emmeline Wells, for example, publicly praised the same-sex relationship of Francis Willard, President of the National Women’s Christian Temperance Union. In 1912, the first explicit reference to lesbianism in an LDS magazine occurred when the Young Woman’s Journal paid tribute to “Sappho of Lesbos.” Nine years earlier, in l903, the same magazine had published a poem by Kate Thomas celebrating her same-sex love. Thomas, a devout Mormon who never married, wrote of her lover, “from her lips I take Joy never-ceasing.” In 1919, the Children’s Friend published an account of the love between the Primary general president, Louise B. Felt, and her first counselor, May Anderson, who were referred to as the “David and Jonathan” of the Primary General Board. Women in same-sex relationships reported significantly longer durations of sexual encounters than individuals in all three comparison groups, with their median duration falling within the 30 to 45 minute range, compared to the 15 to 30 minute range most commonly reported by participants in other types of relationships.” Also, almost 10 percent of lesbians get it on for more than two hours, compared to 1.9 percent of straight couples.

Stereotyping is a necessary evil. Stereotyping simplifies complex information so our brains can easily understand it, reducing the amount of processing we go through when seeing or meeting new people That said, it also causes us to generalize. If we see one hipster drinking PBR and wearing an “Everyone loves Grandpa!” T-shirt, our brain is like, #YesAllHipsters. And we all know what happens when you leave oxytocin floating around: trips to Bed, Bath and Beyond.Remember, it's also really vital that you keep your sex toys clean, too. After using them, either wash them with warm water and fragrance-free soap or with a sex toy cleaner. This reduce the risk of bacteria spreading and the risk of transmitting STIs. Lube Be present with your partner and take your time.’ She adds, ‘Make sure you are clear on consent. And then explore and have fun!’ Communicating with your partner Another oft-recited stereotype is that lesbians are known to process everything to death. Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: I don’t know. Should we use LEDs? What wattage? Are these recyclable? Maybe this is a sign we should be lowering our carbon footprint. Let’s make a pro and con list of solar panel options and revisit this next year. One of the most common interpretations of tribadism or tribbing is basically as a type of dry-humping, but without clothes. So if you’ve ever tried TikTok’s infamous knee move (where you move your knee to apply pressure to a partner’s clitoris during a fully-clothed makeout sesh) you just need to do that— but minus the clothes and up the intensity. Alice comes off as very accommodating. But when it comes to her vision, she’s a killer,” Zee explained. Wu won a battle over the film’s language as well. She knew that for the world to feel authentic, large swathes of Saving Face had to unfold in subtitled Chinese. Nearly all of Hwei-Lan’s dialogue is in Mandarin, and the way Wil switches between English and Mandarin when speaking to her mom helps inform their complicated relationship. Saving Face is interested in the grey areas of parent/child dynamics, the times when parents are able to live in denial because the truth hasn’t technically been spoken aloud. As Wu put it, “This is not a story about when will this woman tell her mom. It’s a story about when will these two women drop their masks and really see each other.”

The dreaded “bed death,” or the notion that lesbians in committed relationships stop having sex with each other, is a touchy topic. According to Karen Blair, a professor at St. Francis Xavier University and a member of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sex, only 15 percent of lesbian couples engage in sex more than twice a week, compared to 50 percent or more of other comparison groups (straight couples and gay men). Communicate with your partner first. Talk about what you want to try, what you like, and any fears or concerns you have,’ she advises. But how do you tell your partner what you like?If you have masturbated and spent time exploring your own body, use the knowledge you have gained of what feels good to direct your partner. As D. Michael Quinn points out in Same-Sex Dynamics among Nineteenth-Century Americans, the way today’s world understands same-sex relationships is not how earlier generations have understood them. While intimate relationships between people of the same sex were not uncommon during 19th century Mormon history, these were not necessarily sexual. For instance, on July 8, 1837, Mary Fielding Smith observed that “some of the Sisters were engaged in conversing in tongues their countenances beaming with joy, clasped each other’s hands and kissed in the most affectionate manner” – an intense, but apparently non-sexual, expression of affection and intimacy. On the other hand, the true nature of expressions of affection between women is not always clear. Also in the late l830s, a 27-year-old Mormon girl wrote to her second cousin, who had been her roommate at Amherst College, “If I could sleep with you one night, [I] think we should not be very sleepy… at least I could converse all night and have nothing but a comma between the sentences, now and then.”