The Gifts Of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

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Also, I guess I'd like to hear the thoughts you have to fight to, say, dance with your kid in the kitchen, which I guess to me is comically bragging about a perfect family. Because I'm interested in what she has to conquer to do those things, and in the beginning I think it is clear what she's fighting.

Through the research, Brown found ten common factors among the people who were living a “wholehearted” life (listed below). Each guidepost has a dig deep section. According to Brown, “dig-deep button is a secret level of pushing through when we’re exhausted and overwhelmed, and when there’s too much to do and too little time for self-care.” Brown found that the Wholehearted people dig deep differently – they get deliberate, inspired, and going. Brown does great job of explaining concepts, ideas, and research process, it all makes sense to me. What I really appreciate about the way she presents her work is it’s easy to grasp, understand, and applicable to real life. She’s also a great storyteller, combing research with her personal stories with honesty, candor, and warmth. She doesn’t just tell you what to do, but rather connect with you. I get that not everyone may like her approach, research, and work, but there’s so much to learn from her, and I find what she’s doing incredible important. And just bringing awareness and shining light on the difficult topics, we can start to have conversation, open up, and let go of some of the heavy burden of hiding ourselves. This book is a great start, and I hope she continues to do important researches and write books to help many people. I highly recommend this book. I believe there's something beneficial for everyone. So I'm just going to be honest and vulnerable with you all. I have issues with not being good enough, being vulnerable, and not being worthy because I'm not what society says I should be. However, with this book, which reads more like an epiphany than a self help book, I'm coming to realize that no one is perfect, and you know what? That's ok. That's all fine... And maybe I'm being cynical here, but to read that after every chapter... Is too predictable, two one dimensional, and just doesn't feel powerful after certain point. Also, I personally don't spend a great amount of time worrying what other people think of me,.... I had more insights into myself while reading this book than I have had in a really long time. Shameful really. But I will own my weaknesses. You'll see. Also the whole notion of "I couldn't have made it without my husband" kind of says to me "you can't make it" and also slips into "aww, someone chose you!" A, yes you could have made it. It would have been horrible and awful and maybe you'd have to have a degree of government assistance you were not banking on, I would guess. Or some totally unimagined part of the world and people, something, will open up to you. B, the whole idea that romantic partners are never annoying is a kind of pretend jail. My husband Terry and I talk about this all the time while he tidies up and I donate to charity.I'm getting tired of all the ra-ra blah-blah books about Courage and Compassion and Mindfulness and living from the heart etc. etc. Life is often a bit more complicated than that. Maybe I really am turning into a grumpy old woman. I had to read this for work, but even without the burden of assigned reading, I would not have liked this book. It feels slight, filled with padded stories about shame and vulnerability and the author's reaction to said shame and vulnerability. (And sometimes the author's reaction to her reaction to the shame. Sigh.) I really like Brene Brown--she gave a terrific and funny TED talk about her research concerning the importance of vulnerability, of imperfection, of failure, and so I read her book. I think her thesis is superb, her research about shame and wholeheartedness really interesting, and the message of the book necessary to modern life. But! I can't help it. I hoped for a little more "perfectionism" in the writing (and structuring! of the book as a whole) which could have used another round or two of editing. (I'm sorry, Brene! Old habits die hard.) STILL, it is an important idea and worth reading. I read this book after watching Brown's TED talk on vulnerability. The TED talk was shown as the last exercise for a leadership class at work. The talk was intriguing and I wanted to know more. Also, I noted that many of the comments regarding this fairly brief talk were often negative. I found the talk inspiring so I wanted to see if there was any validity to the negative comments. I guess I shouldn't be mad at the author - perhaps "your guide to a wholehearted life" shouldn't be construed as actual, practical, research-grounded techniques to start breaking down the walls of perfectionism and defensiveness. Maybe it's a guidebook for those who are already living a wholehearted life, rather than a map to help the rest of us navigate our way there.

I felt that the author's writing and insights were somewhat disjointed and scattered. The book didn't flow well from beginning to end and has a serious drop off in relevance in the final chapters. I did think a lot of the advice was truly useful and important, but this information was given in small snippets amongst a large amount of other information which was less useful and not very helpful. Honestly, I had not thought much about the concept of shame in my life, but Brown provides some interesting insight. Based on the idea that shame "needs three things to grow out of control in our lives: secrecy, silence, and judgment," she offers a path to building 'shame resilience.' One piece is to work on self-awareness, identifying the feeling and practicing mindfulness by asking why that feeling would appear. Another piece is to let go of the silence/secrecy by owning our stories and not letting other people write the narrative. "From gangs to gossiping, we’ll do what it takes to fit in if we believe it will meet our need for belonging. But it doesn’t. We can only belong when we offer our most authentic selves and when we’re embraced for who we are." Another piece is to practice self-compassion, something I'm particularly deficient in. Compassion for others? No problem. But I'm an independent, highly self-reliant Gen-Xer that should be able to manage all by myself. Brown walks me through the process of understanding why that doesn't work for what she calls the wholehearted life. To love someone fiercely, to believe in something with your whole heart, to celebrate a fleeting moment in time, to fully engage in a life that doesn’t come with guarantees – these are risks that involve vulnerability and often pain. But, I’m learning that recognizing and leaning into the discomfort of vulnerability teaches us how to live with joy, gratitude and grace.” E.E Cummings wrote, "To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight- and never stop fighting.” I don't normally read books found in the self-help category. Nothing against the category; I've just found that my path to self-knowledge needs a different process. Still, every few years I give one a try, and a friend's review of The Gifts of Imperfection happened to catch me at the right moment. It was serendipitous because I was just at the moment where this made a profound impact.The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed To Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene Brown -- Your Guide To A Wholehearted Life That she included us in the process of her research. I'd like to see some examples and learn better or more directly how she drew her conclusions. Call me a geek. I like the science of it, and I think it would make for a more interesting read. Brené’s TED talk on the Power of Vulnerability is one of the top five most-viewed TED talks in the world, with over 60 million views. Brené is the first researcher to have a filmed lecture on Netflix, and in March 2022, she launched a new show on HBO Max that focuses on her latest book, Atlas of the Heart.

It was a section about "boundaries and compassion ". The author claims that a barrier to compassion is the fear of setting boundaries..... And holding people accountable. There's a lot of good stuff in here. While she notes that many of her own issues come out of a 'perfectionist' approach to life, I think the concepts of shame, compassion, and vulnerability are ones we should all be able to relate to, as well as deep ideas of authenticity and life meaning. I also appreciate that Brown is also very open about her own mental/spiritual health work and doesn't take a top-down didactic approach. For example, research on the attributes that we associate with "being feminine" tells us that some of the most important qualities for women are thin, nice, and modest. That means if women want to play it totally safe, we have to be willing to stay as small, quiet, and attractive as possible. For over a decade, Brené Brown has found a special place in our hearts as a gifted mapmaker and a fellow traveler. She is both a social scientist and a kitchen-table friend whom you can always count on to tell the truth, make you laugh, and, on occasion, cry with you. And what’s now become a movement all started with The Gifts of Imperfection, which has sold more than two million copies in thirty-five different languages across the globe. I am having a hard time writing this review, probably for two reasons. First of all, there is so much that I liked in this book that I know I will be reading it again. If the copy I read had been mine, I might have underlined most of the book.with some nitty-gritty-useful tips. If you are pissed as hell -- can't imagine facing your mother-in-law for all the free books in China... Listening to Brene speak to you ( reading her book )....will have you at least look much more closely at your own 'stops'. Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.” I loved the humor interlacing with facts that makes the information easy to follow, relate, and agreeable. Though, be ready for some scratchy but friendly honesties that might poke your pride. A Chinese idiom goes, “A good medicine tastes bitter,” which I think best describes this book. I like to listen to/read at least one Brene Brown book a year to remind me that I'm human. And you're human. And we're all imperfectly perfect that way. The second reason that I am struggling here is that I haven't done anything with what I have learned. I have now read two books by Brown; she has pointed out some things I need to be doing for myself and I am resisting following her lead. I know that being more shame resilient and paying attention to the person I am will be difficult and I just don't want to face the difficulties.

Understanding the connection between boundaries, accountability, acceptance, and compassion allows us to accept others - and ourselves more: the ways they are... no need to fix their problems... Nothing to blame... I recommend this book to those who are looking for a way to embrace where they are; to readers of self-help books for I think this is one of the best and I would like to figure out how to recommend this to some people at work. For over a decade, Brené Brown has found a special place in our hearts as a gifted mapmaker and a fellow traveler. She is both a social scientist and a kitchen-table friend whom you can always count on to tell the truth, make you laugh, and, on occasion, cry with you. And what’s now become a movement all started with The Gifts of Imperfection, which has sold more than two million copies in thirty-fivedifferent languages across the globe.

Until we can receive with an open heart, we're never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.” This book is clearly in the cheerleading category of self-help, rather than the psychotherapeutic. If you want some mild encouragement and some cute quotes to put on your fridge door, maybe this is for you. If you are struggling with darker issues, you probably won't find answers here.