When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope--Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy

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If you don't want to judge others...READ THIS BOOK. It will tell you what judging truly is and isn't. This is possibly the most misogynistic book I have ever read. It's almost comically sexist. All the negative figures are women. Women are housewives, secretaries and typists. One climbs as high as office supervisor! What happens if you are challenged by the requester to give in? Some people just persist and they try to talk you out of saying no. I’d like to suggest two assertiveness skills, fogging and broken record. Fogging involves agreeing with critical truths the requester presents and still do what you want, say no. For example, you say no respectfully to the request to head the United Way campaign at work because of the number of projects you have, commitments to your family and because you’ve done it before. Your requester continues to talk about the good work the charity will do under your leadership. To apply fogging you would say something like, “Thank you for your confidence in me. You’re right, this organization does great work. I need to decline at this time.” In the few weeks remaining before they took their oaths and departed, I experimented with all sorts of theraputic training variations and improvisations with as many of the trainees as were receptive. As the final week drew nearer, the number of trainees who avoided me grew. None of the ideas off the top of my head showed any results then or even any promise, but I did make one important observation: the trainees who coped least well with critical personal examination behaved, in dealing with other people, as if they could not admit failure—they seemed to feel they had to be perfect. Right 3 in the bill of assertive rights is you have the right to judge if you are responsible for finding solutions to other people’s problems.

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty - Penguin Random House

If you're using the "broken record" method and the other person simply won't budge, then you can also try to offer a “workable compromise.” This occurs when we discuss feasible solutions with the other party that we deem acceptable. For example, when you need to return an item, you may propose that you will come to the store next time if you need to buy something else. Here, "compromise" does not mean that we abandon our views. The premise of the compromise is that we feel comfortable with the proposed solution. You are welcome to use the information contained in this article for your own use and in your own work. The information in this article should not be re-published or sold without the express written permission of Revolution Learning and Development Ltd.Being assertive is generally good but asserting irrational beliefs is not good and you should be working on being more rational and then perhaps focus on assertiveness training. I can’t remember exactly how I found this book but this is one of the most underrated psychology/self-development books In my opinion. This is a pragmatic book, it spends very little time on theory. Most of the content are examples of exercises the author performed with his students, or accounts of personal experiences of his students after they applied the assertiveness techniques to their lives. I get that this can be done, and it's important to do now and then to establish that you can, although I do also think that white lies make the world go round

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As the first book that I read pertaining to "assertive training", it will hold a special place in my heart. a: it's bad for you, since it means that your thoughts aren't being heard, and you often end up doing something you don't want to To further understand what assertiveness is, take a look at our article What is Assertiveness? The Fogging TechniqueThere are people who will tell you that assertiveness is wrong.To this it must be asked "Who decides what is evil and what is not?" In an individualist society - it is up to the individual to decide for himself what is right and wrong. One is free in this society to argue about moral issues. However, the only one able to AUTHORITATIVELY say what is right and what is wrong is the individual. His judgement applies to him and him alone. The author of this book calls that "being one's own judge.". If you want to hear more about this...READ THE BOOK. If we cope in these ways, not only do we get angry or afraid but we usually lose the battle -- and there are real battles in life, to be won or lost -- with other people; we get frustrated and eventually sad or depressed."

say no without feeling guilty - Become assertive Learn to say no without feeling guilty - Become assertive

When you want something, be a BROKEN RECORD: "One of the most important aspects of being verbally assertive is to be persistent and to keep saying what you want over and over again without getting angry, irritated, or loud." Joe even took away any notion we had about psychologists being the new, all-knowing high priests of human behavior by grumbling iBeing assertive can help remind us that we are the only ones who can judge our actions and help us dismiss any misconceptions. By doing so, we can better deal with the objections of others and return any item we want. The bill of assertive rights is 10 things that highlight the freedoms we have to be ourselves without disrespecting others. The 10 statements are choices that we have and, like many other rights that we have, are things that we are all entitled to. The book "Out of the Fog" recommends that it's healthy to state your opinion on an issue, but note to state your point of view ONCE AND ONCE ONLY! This is healthy assertiveness (vs JADE). Some are able to say “no” to a request or opportunity and feel good about it. “This just isn’t the right fit for me” or “I don’t have the bandwidth right now – I hope you understand” are ways they opt out confidently. Others avoid saying “no” altogether because they don’t want to jeopardize a relationship or disappoint the requester. They may say “yes” and pretend all is well, even though they are feeling stretched, bad about the situation and even resentful toward the requester. Here’s where classic passive aggressive behavior can take root. You're saying "yes" to maintaining your sanity, to having some "me time," and for making time for the hobbies and interests that matter to you.