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Lesbian couples frequently experience social stigma against them, including experiences of discrimination and bias against them, as well as other minority stress factors which can include the fear of outing, internalized homophobia, the butch/femme identity, and relationship quality. [17]

Straight and lesbian women typically expressed distress when their sexual relationships or desires went against what they perceived to be the valued sexual norm, but the contexts for their distress varied depending on norms specific to their sexual identities. For example, lesbian spouses alluded to stigmatized notions of lesbian asexuality and merged partners. As Katie (lesbian) put it, “Our sex life? Oh, yeah. We are not, what do you call it, dead lesbians. We’re not there, but I’ll mention it. We’re on our road, so we need to do things to stop it.” Here, Katie directly positioned herself in opposition to the stigmatized norm of lesbian bed death, or the belief that lesbian couples uniquely become asexual over time. Similarly, Gloria (lesbian) challenged the idea that changes in her sex life were related to her sexual orientation, saying instead, Blumstein P, & Schwartz P (1983). American couples: Money, work, sex. New York: Morrow. [ Google Scholar] Umberson D, Thomeer MB, & Lodge AC (2015). Intimacy and emotion work in lesbian, gay, and heterosexual relationships. Journal of Marriage and Family, 77, 542–556. 10.1111/jomf.12178 [ PMC free article] [ PubMed] [ CrossRef] [ Google Scholar]

Unlike Colleen, Debbie reported stress related to sex, despite reframing her marriage as beyond the norm. Debbie also framed norms as contributing to distress: Some are revered as satirical spoofs or weak homages passed off as being edgy with an overly polished presentation. Or they are just straight up violent porn videos with no original storylines, charismatic characters and nothing memorable. Lindau ST, & Gavrilova N (2010). Sex, health, and years of sexually active life gained due to good health: Evidence from two us population based cross sectional surveys of ageing. BMJ, 340, c810

Call V, Sprecher S, & Schwartz P (1995). The incidence and frequency of marital sex in a national sample. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 57,639–652. 10.2307/353919 [ CrossRef] [ Google Scholar]

a b c d e f Lewis, Robin J.; Winstead, Barbara A.; Braitman, Abby L.; Hitson, Phoebe (August 2018). "Discrepant Drinking and Partner Violence Perpetration Over Time in Lesbians' Relationships". Violence Against Women. 24 (10): 1149–1165. doi: 10.1177/1077801218781925. ISSN 1077-8012. PMC 6071314. PMID 30037320. a b c d e f g Irwin, Jude (June 2008). "(Dis)counted Stories: Domestic Violence and Lesbians". Qualitative Social Work: Research and Practice. 7 (2): 199–215. doi: 10.1177/1473325008089630. S2CID 145674226.