The Best Ever Book of Dutch Jokes: Lots and Lots of Jokes Specially Repurposed for You-Know-Who

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In the Netherlands, it’s polite to greet people when you enter certain situations. For instance, when you walk into a waiting room at the doctor’s office, it’s customary to greet others with a simple “ hallo” (hello) or “ goededag” (good day). When leaving, you can wish people “ fijne dag” (have a nice day) or “ dag” (goodbye).

It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds. An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf. and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now. Cringe-worthy (but amusing) puns There’s also a town in South Holland called Monster, which probably got its name from Latin. It may come from monasterium, meaning ‘monastery.’ IJsberen

Waarom hebben ze in Amsterdam veel platte fietsen? Van het grachten langs fietsen. (Why do they have many flat bikes in Amsterdam? From biking along the canals.) Now it’s really diverse. Some of the biggest Dutch comics ( caberatiers is what we call them) are: Hans Teeuwen, Theo Maassen, Najib Amhali and Jochem Meyer. They are all known to talk about taboos and about different cultures. While religious teachings might have shaped the nation’s morals and way of life, the Netherlands as we know it today is one of the most secular countries in Western Europe. In fact, over half of the Dutch people say they are non-religious, according to a 2020 survey by Statistics Netherlands ( Centraal Bureau voor de Statistiek – CBS). Among those who are religious, 20% are Roman Catholic, nearly 15% are Protestant, and 5% are Muslim. Photo: NurPhoto / Getty Images Waarom zijn oranje truien in trek in Nederland? Omdat je in een oranje trui in de kroeg roept: “Geef mij maar een witte!” (Why are orange sweaters popular in the Netherlands? Because when you’re wearing an orange sweater in a bar you can yell: “Give me a white one!” meaning beer.)

What's the difference between a funny Dutch man and a tube? one is a hollow cylinder while the other is a silly hollander. If you ain’t Dutch you ain’t much! They say roughly 30% of our everyday speech is made up of expressions. Well, the Dutch probably use closer to 90%! Here are 33 Dutch phrases and idioms to get you started.

Waarom zijn Nederlanders zo goed in hinkelen? Ze zijn altijd op één been aan het staan voor de koning. (Why are Dutch people so good at hopping? They’re always standing on one leg for the king.) At business meetings or formal occasions, it’s normal to shake hands with everyone present when you arrive, and again when leaving. In personal settings with friends or family, the Dutch commonly greet each other by kissing three times on alternating cheeks. If you’re meeting someone for the first time, it’s good etiquette to shake hands and introduce yourself to everyone attending. Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Fish are part of numerous Dutch idioms. For example, it is also not unusual to say someone is ‘as healthy as a fish’ ( zo gezond als een vis). The herring, in particular is a traditional food and herring season is an annual event. 26. To have something under the knee Wat is het nationale gerecht van Nederland? Bami met kaas (What’s the national dish of the Netherlands? Bami with cheese)

If this person is a man, you can also call him mafkees, after the Dutch first name Kees. The plural is mafkezen.They both slowly remove clogs. I'll see myself out... Hey, at least it was original. Thanks for the gold ! Wat is een dinosaurus als hij door een Nederlandse stad loopt? Een Rampsaurus! (What’s a dinosaur walking through a Dutch city? A Rampsosaurus! Ramp = disaster) Despite being very open and direct, the Dutch can also be reserved and private. As a result, they seldom initiate interactions with strangers. When you engage in conversations with Dutch people, it’s a good idea to be aware of some topics that are considered impolite. In general, the Dutch avoid discussing subjects that could place people in any kind of hierarchy. For instance, you shouldn’t discuss money or personal wealth with people you don’t know well. On the other hand, Dutch people are much more open when speaking about certain topics that are taboo in other cultures, such as sex. Body language I doubt there’s a heaven; I think the people from hell have probably bought it for a timeshare.” – Victoria Wood