Single On Purpose: Redefine Everything. Find Yourself First.

Product Information

After my divorce, I asked myself what I needed. I went to the bench a lot. I ate out at diners. I leased a roadster convertible and revved the shit out of it through the canyons blasting obnoxious music and wearing no shirt. And didn’t care. I took myself to the movies. Went on long walks. Pour myself into my passions. Started writing again. I needed to treat myself well. Better. I needed to do things for myself and not feel guilty about them. I also pushed my body harder than I ever have before. I needed to feel alive. I needed to like who I was. I wasn't expecting to enjoy this motivational book as much as I did, but it caught my attention as I was processing books at the library, and it turned out to be a great read for me at this juncture of my life. The author's voice and tone was great throughout the book, with just the right amount of humor mixed with serious insight into developing a relationship with yourself - whether you're already in a relationship with another person, newly single, or have been single for awhile. As the author claims, it's not an anti-relationship book, but rather a pro-relationship (with yourself) book.

I have mixed feelings about this book. There is some solid advice and insight related to working through codependency, prioritizing a relationship with yourself, and cultivating intentional, connecting, non-romantic relationships. However, there was an underlying contradictory message that if you take these actions, you will attract a healthier love.

Customer reviews

Establish non-negotiables / affirmations for what you want out of a partner and boundaries to stand by ahead of you delving into another relationship or jumping from lily pad to another. Examples of this:

There’s more to life than loving someone. But being single can feel like a death sentence. Why does being alone = being lonely And why do we stop working on ourselves when we’re in a relationship Prior, I haven't put much thought into being "single," I used to believe it didn't mean anything. This book will educate you that there is so much more to it. I think there are nuggets in here like don't tie your self worth to being in a relationship. But pretty much after that it reads like fix these things to be in a relationship albeit more healthy relationship. Having sex, go explore every crayon What. A book that doesn't focus on friendships, building community, or concrete ways to be comfortably being single seems like a missed opportunity. Essentially section 2-4 was all about f**king. I get it, I think sex is super important but this book was nothing more than a very weird reflection of bad relationships, bad sex, toxicity, do drugs, and exercise. I wonder if I'm the wrong demographic bc cross fit was lost on me and brought up a lot. With that being said words like grieving, trauma, and self worth were used but I would not recommend most of the advice. This book is not about being single. This book is about what to do while you're single to get in a relationship. It's not the same. Singlesness is a valuable time period and relationships can be healthy but not a priority. Also can we talk about how asexuality completely missed. I hate it.The truth is, you don’t have to be in a relationship to be happy. Sure, a relationship can bring you lots of joy. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship—we’re all human. But a relationship is not required for you to be happy. It’s not the only way to find joy in your life. Your happiness isn’t contingent on loving someone else. That’s something that’s been programmed into you by movies, advertising, social norms, social media, and old blueprints. Doing things for the outcome rather than for the joy of the process disconnects you from yourself. You start chasing. You get desperate. You forget your “why.” But most importantly, you don’t allow yourself to be happy until you get what you want. And if that never comes, you never practice being happy.” Many times we get caught up in our romantic relationships, so much so that we lose ourselves morphing into who we think noir partner wants us to be. But the author makes a good point in the fact that that other person, even at their best, is only 50% of the relationship. Knowing who you are and creating your own unique and beautiful life before merging with another is essential to a successful relationship so that you both can show up fully and authentically.