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My Hidden Chimp: From the best-selling author of The Chimp Paradox

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For children, emotions show up in many different, unpredictable ways, and it can be even harder to make sense of them. There are two ways you might try to help her to overcome this. The first is to help her to see that this is the way that life works and we all have to learn how to manage it.

Ask them to draw a brain with a line down the middle. On one side, draw the cheeky chimp that they picture in their head. Sometimes it is worth going along with the feelings and allowing her to do as she wants, so that she can reassure herself that she is secure, until she decides that she wants to try for more independence. A great way to prove this is to ask your child to sit quietly for 30 seconds and count all of the thoughts that pop into their head during that time. When the psychiatrist worked in British cycling he had a rule that athletes could come to him and “let their chimp out”– but they had to complain for 15 minutes non-stop. Nobody managed it. “The chimp actually gets exhausted,” says Steve, “and thinks ‘I can’t even be bothered listening to myself!’” The chimp may be speaking but it’s the human that’s listening, and reason soon takes over. 3. But be careful who the chimp talks toThe most important thing is for you to be firm but relaxed about this. He will come to no harm even though it can be frustrating." Parent 2 Professor Steve Peters explains neuroscience in a straightforward and intuitive way - offering up 10 simple habits that we as adults and children should have in our arsenal to deal with everyday life. At this stage, it is important to help your child separate how they’re feeling from who they really are.

Being fully present and actively listening to your child when they share something like this is so important. They include: - Smiling- The importance of talking through your feelings- Learning how to say sorry- Knowing how to ask for helpBy also explaining the developing 'chimp' brain in children, he shows us how 10 habits can help children to understand and manage their emotions and behaviour.Essentially, one system is all about reason and logic (the human system), one is about emotional reaction (the chimp system) and one is based on established beliefs. These systems are constantly vying for attention and, biologically, the chimp – the animal instinct we’re born with – has the upper hand. For me, the children’s book is the star of the two. Written in comic book style, it uses very child-friendly language (my seven-year-old could read it with ease) and is clearly designed to be used over time rather than devoured in one sitting. When young people understand what is happening in their minds, they can better control how they respond and react. He is probably most famous for his work with British cycling as part of their programme of incremental gains. Most recently was in the news for being credited by Victoria Pendleton for preventing her suicide.

The news of this scenario distresses me considerably. Sadly one feature of young children is to form a dominance hierarchy. This is driven by nature, but is very unhelpful in society in general. We can’t stop this innate drive but we can manage it. So throughout this review I have had to prevent myself from just saying “THIS BOOK IS AMAZING AND ANYONE WITH A 5-10 YEAR OLD CHILD SHOULD BUY IT IMMEDIATELY!”. Your first reaction to not getting what you want is likely to be from your Chimp. Recognise what is happening and put it into words will help. Programme yours and a child’s computer with some helpful beliefs; ‘sometimes we have to be patient’, ‘life doesn’t always go to plan’ and ‘moaning doesn’t help.’ Habit 9: Learning to share I read parts of the book with both my children. The concept of a model to represent something real is not an easy one for young children to understand. My daughter took an instinctive dislike to the chimp and said he sounded far too naughty to be living in her brain. My five-year-old thought he was great and accompanied the reading with his best chimp impressions. The chimp model is Peters’ dual process metaphor. Different writers and models seem to me to have subtly different focuses—e.g. Robin’s Elephant and rider focuses on motivation, Kahneman’s system 1 and system 2 on decision making. The chimp model in My Hidden Chimp focuses on fast, emotional responses.If you are doing something new - making a speech, taking an exam, a job interview - your fear of failure (hello Chimp!) can get in the way. However, this fear is often not of the failure itself but of not being able to cope with its consequences. ‘Our Chimp brain is fooling us into believing that any failure means that life can’t go on.’ As adults we can challenge this with logic, but we have to help children do this. Praise yourself and a child for effort, rather than achievement to build self-esteem. Programme your computer: ‘achieving your best on the day is all that you can try for and hope that it happens.’ Habit 8: Accepting that ‘no’ means ‘no’!

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