Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them: When Love Hurts and You Don't Know Why: When Loving Hurts And You Don't Know Why

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In reality, however, he is gradually making her renounce the people and activities that are important in her life.

But first she guides the reader through the various hellish circles of what she terms the “manosphere”.

Bates agrees that the phrase is problematic, but, as she wryly asks towards the end of her book, why should she and her sisters have to do all the work of detoxifying language, and men themselves? It is also a battle to protect the boys who are lost, who fall through the cracks of our society’s stereotypes and straight into the arms of the communities ready to recruit them, greedy to indoctrinate them with fears of threats to their manhood, their livelihood, their country. Yet we raise few such objections when the crimes of a man with brown or black skin are immediately assumed to be related to his race or religion. If she is in a bad mood or displays any behavior that he doesn't like, he views it as a sign of her deficiency.

Financial control: there are two types of misogynists, the “good provider”, and the one who’s always broke. Once she believes his version of the relationship—that he is "good" and she is "bad," that he is "right" and she is "wrong," that her deficiencies are the cause of his blow-ups, and that he is acting this way only because he is trying to help her become a better person—she has stepped into a dangerous twilight zone of distorted perceptions. Imagine a world in which such hatred blends seamlessly with racist rage: ‘whores’ blamed for contaminating superior bloodlines; invading ‘savages’, conjured from hate-fuelled imaginations, framed as plunderers of the dehumanised commodity of fragile, white women.What if we are so inured to particular forms of violence that we consider them cultural, personal… inevitable? She suspends her own good judgement, joins him in his persecution of her, and finds explanations to justify his behavior. And this stuff filters upwards through friendly media and middlemen such as far-right commentator Milo Yiannopoulos, so that men at the top can speak in code to their supporters. When a parent teaches a child how to ventilate her feelings in appropriate ways, he teaches a very important lesson.

Foids’ that won’t sleep with him, ‘sluts’ who say no when they really mean yes, ‘nags’ who sap their energy, ‘feminazi’s’ who want to rule the world. Superficial analyses of incel communities have sought to imply that class is the biggest factor driving new recruits to the cause: that this is about poor, white boys being left behind.A rejecting mother who makes him feel bad for his needs teaches him that it’s never OK to be vulnerable, and that his needs are shameful and unacceptable. First, that violence towards women is caused by misogyny and is therefore idealistic as it is an effect of thought, and second that violence towards women should be understood as sui generis - unique in its own characteristics - and unrelated to the causes of other social violence. The pitiful irony here, as Bates shows, is that “men’s rights” groups splintered from the original, pro-feminist “men’s liberation” movement, which sought to free men themselves from harmful social expectations of masculinity. Alana would later tell a Guardian journalist: ‘It feels like being the scientist who figured out nuclear fission and then discovers it’s being used as a weapon for war.