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I cried, this time out of relief, my tears soaking the sleeve of her white cotton nightgown with bitty blue flowers. Later that night, the pair separately scrolled through each other's photos on Facebook. As she looked at the images of Brian's life — as a musician, friend, and husband — unexpected feelings stirred. "I was confused. I was attracted to him. Then in bed, I started having actual sexual fantasies," Melissa concedes. "I thought, There is something wrong with me. Something isn't right." Social scientists and psychologists have long researched how societies' prohibition against incest evolved: It's essentially nature's way of protecting humans from passing along the genetic mutations and disease risks that happen more commonly with close relatives, explains Dr. Debra Lieberman, a professor of Psychology at the University of Miami. The dominant theory, first proposed by Finnish social scientist Edward Westermark, is that people become desensitized to those they are raised alongside. Teri opened her eyes, her thin hair strewn across the pillow, and smiled sleepily. “Well, hi, honey.” I was depressed once,” she went on. “Before I decided to leave Rich’s dad. I would drive sometimes and think it would be a good idea to drive my car off Huntington Beach Pier.”
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A year later, Mom’s breast cancer from decades past returned and I was pregnant again; it seemed that my Midwest roots and our moms were calling us home. My husband found work in Kansas City and we bought a house that was a 10-minute drive from Mom and Teri, our three homes forming an imperfect triangle on the map. Mom quietly began chemo treatments, and the grandmas traded off watching Hope and our new son, Gabriel, while I worked part-time as a freelance magazine and web editor. I don't feel like we're more special than anyone else, but to receive this intense kind of love is a gift," Brian says. "Few human beings get to experience something at this level. And it's not a taboo. It's nothing wrong. This just feels like love, perfect love." Mom had steadfastly cared for my dad, my brother, and me since her early twenties. She rarely complained, but I thought I detected the toll this sacrifice took in the way she seemed happiest not with us, but at church or petting the dog or watching PBS. I tried to make things easier by hiding my troubles from her and sometimes even myself, but this time I was too weak to pretend.Many couples experience the feeling of being instantly attracted to someone that is familiar in some way, whether it's a physical reminder of someone beloved or something else they can't put their finger on," Alman says. "Love at first sight is a real phenomenon." The news got even more startling: Before his affair with Melissa's mother and eventual marriage to Chris' mother, her biological father was married a first time — and Melissa had several half-siblings. "It was all so crazy. I was dumbfounded," she says. "My life was just exploding." They drove together to a nearby bar, and on the way, Brian grabbed Melissa's hand and found himself telling her everything. "He starts divulging these deep dark secrets. Things he's never told anyone," she says. "I'm doing the same. We're talking nonstop, insane and enthralled." But divorce is not an option right now. Melissa plans to get her daughters through the rest of their childhood in as stable and consistent an environment as possible. "But believe me, I want to leave," she says. "I struggle every day because my heart is with him. That's the most difficult part for me."
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Regardless of the risks, the half-siblings plan to eventually live together — and officially marry. And they can because of a legal loophole: Melissa's childhood father is listed on her birth certificate, not their shared biological father. "Obviously, it's still illegal. But we can hide and do that." So after her kids are raised and their divorces are finalized, they plan to live happily ever after, she says. "It's just not going to be for a number of years, unfortunately."They claim their sexual and emotional connection is exceptional. "We have an innate trust and no boundaries with each other because we're family," Melissa explains. "When you get into a relationship with someone else, they're a stranger to you. Trust takes a long time to build. But because this is my brother, he's never going to do anything to hurt me." Tell her that you have very strong feelings for her, but you don’t want to toss around the word unless you’re sure you mean it. Yes, she might be hurt by this—but she’ll be less hurt than if she knew you lied to her to try and save face. With love comes the possibility of an actual future together, and that’s a big life change for both of you. Just make sure to stay optimistic, and don’t make her feel bad for expressing herself. Saying “I love you” to someone puts you in a vulnerable place, so make sure you don’t respond in a way that makes her feel stupid for sharing how she feels. I think about being in the hospital,” I whispered to the ceiling. “I think how great it would be to break both my legs because then someone else would have to care for Hope and no one would blame me.” I held my breath, waiting for the earth to engulf me for exposing this terrible secret.
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I appreciate everything you’ve done for me my whole life,” I said, looking down at her, placing my hand over hers. Melissa hasn't told her family either. She still lives with her two teenage daughters and her husband, who she calls "an open-minded guy," adding that in nearly two decades together she's been in multiple other relationships. "He's allowed it because he knows who I am and my upbringing." They haven't been intimate in 5 or 6 years, but are committed to co-parenting. I never knew who was going to die first, but in less than a year, Teri was gone. Two days after the funeral I felt exhausted and empty and ready, at last, to go to Mom. My family had been mostly understanding about my dedication to Teri, but occasional comments from my brother — “you only have one Mom, you know” — and my aunt — “You’re coming, right? Because I don’t think I can get her to the doctor myself” — made me feel that my loyalty was in question.The flip side is something Lieberman calls her "template hypothesis." All people form a template for the world based on the people and their surroundings during development: what men and women look like, what their roles are, etc. Then, they seek that out in a mate. This is common for non-related couples, too, psychologist and sex expert Isadora Alman notes. On the way home, Melissa called a friend to explain what happened. The friend immediately inundated her with articles on GSA. "I felt a little bit better seeing that this is out there and I wasn't crazy," Melissa says. And while they didn't want to resist their overwhelming sexual attraction to each other, the couple desperately did want to understand why they were experiencing it. Over the past 10 months, they've read as many articles on the condition as possible and even saw a psychologist. I can’t say exactly why things were so different that last month before she died. I think at the end of her life and knowing I no longer needed to care for Teri, Mom was able to relinquish her role as “strong mother” and just be herself, a dying woman who wanted her daughter’s help. And I was able to respond, in part because Teri’s love had finally quieted that little part of me that always wondered whether I was enough. So I was able to simply love Mom instead of demanding more than she could give. I’m worried about you,” Mom said sharply one morning after she’d placed Hope in a bouncy chair festooned with teddy bears. That's where things started getting a little bit weird," says Melissa. She remembers having an immediate and intense reaction to hearing Brian's voice. "I don't really know how to describe the feeling, but I was really attracted to it."
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He's able to be my father, my brother, my lover, my best friend — all these roles that others have never filled," says Melissa. "I have everything in one human."She asked to meet Chris in person. Though she was raised to believe her mother's husband was her father, Melissa learned that four decades before, her mother had an affair and became pregnant with the other man's child.
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