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The Body Never Lies: The Lingering Effects of Hurtful Parenting

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For me [ ‘The Body Never Lies’] feels more entrenched in the intensity, the emotions, and the energy. So to me, it feels like an amplified version of ‘Zero’ with a little more walls removed from us on an emotional level too.”– Jahan Yousaf, Krewella, We Rave You In my terminology, emotion is a more or less unconscious, but at the same time vitally important physical response to internal or external events—such things as fear of thunderstorms, rage at having been deceived, or the pleasure that results from a present we really desire. By contrast, the word “feeling” designates a conscious perception of an emotion. Emotional blindness, then, is usually a (self-) destructive luxury that we indulge in at our cost. MY” As they first made their way through the underground electronic dance scene of Soundcloud to breaking through with their ‘Play Hard’EP and first album ‘Get Wet’to ultimately redefining themselves as artists with the release of their second album, ‘Zero.’ The two sisters from Chicago continue to refuse to let the walls of comfortability and ordinary confine them. Like art, they make their own rules. We have to liberate ourselves from the propaganda imposed on us – and enforced on us on pain of punishment – by conventional morality. This book calls for a higher morality, as it applies to parenthood. We cannot truly love our parents, she asserts, until we are liberated from the infantile attachment, the idolatry, that trapped us in childhood.

the body never lies | Alice Miller en the body never lies | Alice Miller en

On her life journey of research and writing, Alice Miller has gained great inner freedom and strength. In `The Body Never Lies’, she courageously questions traditional morality and inspires us to face the often life long pain that children suffer through their parents. Her profound insights into this vital relationship create a truthful vision of man and his coercion to be destructive and self-destructive. Her visionary humanity leads the way into a new era, where the source of needless human suffering is movingly and powerfully recognized.All too many of us, however, can also hear those voices that forced us to silence our authentic selves and to belittle, deny and repress our ‘truths’. Confronting the power of ‘poisonous pedagogy’, we hear those voices that drained the ‘truth’ of our feelings and emotions into their wills and wishes. We hear the voices of those who transformed our feelings of hurt and powerlessness, our truths, into the love and honor that our social and religious principles mandate we give our parents. We’re going a bit off the topic of myths this week, because so many of you have been asking me, in terms of fitness, health and recovery, what is the long way home? What does that really mean? And I get that, because a goal needs to be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely otherwise it's just this obscure, arbitrary, vast unattainable thing way out in some time in the future, maybe never. But these ideas were no more than abstractions because, despite his intellectual rejection of conventional morality, his emotional allegiance to the code of conduct it prescribed was unswerving. Self-disgust was legitimate, but detesting his mother was unthinkable. He could not pay heed to the painful messages of his childhood memories without destroying the hopes that had helped him to survive as a child. Time and again, Rimbaud tells us that he had no one to rely on except himself. This was surely the fruit of his experience with a mother who had nothing to offer him but her own derangement and hypocrisy, rather than true love. His entire life was a magnificent but vain attempt to save himself from destruction at the hands of his mother, with all the means at his disposal. Young people who have gone through much the same kind of childhood as Rimbaud are often fascinated by his poetry because they can vaguely sense the presence of a kindred spirit in it. Rimbaud”

The Body Never Lies | Alice Miller en

Dr. Miller repeatedly emphasizes the tragic effects, in the form of physical ailments, of the body’s life-long yearning for parental love and affection. She touches on the way this suppression is expressed in religion: the command to love God, on pain of punishment when we fail to do so; the absurdity of inventing a parent-like creator, perfect and omnipotent, who craves our love. It is an odd god, an immensely dependent god, a Big Daddy who, if given the love demanded, will reward with an eternity in blissful heaven. (And the teenage suicide bombers of the Middle East are promised the bonus of 72 virgins to sweeten the deal.) Inasmuch as the Great Father is not loved, even worshipped, the alternative is agonizing punishment from now to the “end” of eternity. My decision to call these invisible injuries “mis-treatment” sometimes arouses resistance and indignant protest. I find this attitude easy to understand because it is one that I shared for a very long time. Earlier, if someone had suggested that I had been cruelly treated as a child, I would have roundly denied the “insinuation”. But today I know quite definitely that in my childhood I was indeed exposed to mental cruelty for many years. My dreams, my painting, and not least the messages of my own body have told me this, but as an adult I refused to accept the fact for a very long time. Like many other people I thought: ” Me? I was never beaten. The few slaps I got were nothing special. And my mother took so much trouble with me.” (In my book the reader will find similar statements by others).

Skincare has to be one of the biggest industries, turning over multi millions, billions, trillions of dollars per year. I would also say that it is one of the industries that is full of the most BS and preys on the vulnerabilities of both women and men and often I find clients are doing more harm than good with their skincare regimen. Be it an aging issue, or a condition like eczema, rosacea, melasma, pigmentation and the like. To me the skin is one of the biggest messengers in our body. And remember, The Body Never Lies

The Body Never Lies | Alice Miller, Andrew Jenkins | W. W

Dr. Miller’s chief concern has always been childhood suffering, its denial, and the lasting effects on individuals and on societies. The focus of her current book? The denial of real emotions—the tension between what we really feel and what we “should” feel—and the enduring effects on the body. Real feelings are direct and visceral, and real feelings conflict with morality. The author’s hope is to reduce personal suffering, isolation and tragedy. First originating from an excerpt in Jahan’s journal and featured as a lyric in two of the songs, the album title is a reflection of us as humans “feeling, remembering, and existing in our individual vessels that encase our soul and memories.” The album and its meaning not only motivates the listener to explore a depth to themselves they might never knew existed, but it reminds us just how powerful the soul, body and mind can be.Swords and Knives A review of Alice Miller’s The Body Never Lies: The Lingering Effect of Cruel Parenting. Still, Miller retains a hopeful view of the future. While society at present always sides with the parents, individual bodies are fighting against the lies. It’s possible that our collective body may rise up and lead to a future society built on conscious awareness. First, though, we must jettison our “fundamentalist faith” in genetics and, I would add, pharmaceutical “miracles.” With the help of a witness, each damaged individual needs to move through infantile fears and reject the illusion that our parents will save us. When we finally experience our real truths of being unloved, neglected and beaten; when we internally separate from our parents; when we experience love for the worthy child we once were…only then our bodies can experience rest and relief, and only then can we get on with the important business of real life.

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