Joined in 2023 
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63 About this deal
My three kids all still call me Mommy (though the oldest refers to me as mom in public) :) they call my partner Mom C (short for Christa) or Momsy. We met four different families living in the UK, to talk about both the benefits and the challenges of raising children with two mums. In each case, it was noticeable that both mothers were equally involved in all aspects of their children's lives; and that they consider open communication with their children to be crucial. They shared with us their style of parenting, how they explain the difference of their situation to their children – and whether attitudes towards gay families have really changed. ASHLING PHILLIPS AND NATALIE DREW NATALIE: We planned and researched our options thoroughly beforehand, and of course we had to decide what method we wanted to take. It was about finding the process that we felt most comfortable with. We'd initially considered a friend based in the US, who was happy to help us, but we felt it could over-complicate matters. We decided to go for an anonymous donor instead. Our 4yr old son calls me Baboo– it’s Italian for dad but many in our area aren’t aware of that. The donor was 100% Italian, so he is 50% Italian, 50% Dutch/English. When he gets older, he can decide if he wants to call me mom or what… I so wish there was another word out there for “non-biological mother” (in a lesbian context, where there is a bio-mom who’s equally part of the parenting). “Non-biological mother” is defined by its negative quality: the person is defined as being *not* the biological mother. I want some word that is descriptive and informative, a word that would help adults describe these relationships we have with our kids to other adults. What I mean is, not something like “heart mom” or a term we might use with our kids, but rather something that could be used to explain our family composition in simple, direct terms.
My wife and I grew up together and were childhood sweethearts. My first marriage was heterosexual. After our divorce, I found my first love and we are married and raising the children from my first marriage. The kids don’t refer to her as a step-mom, but as their “ other mother“, & my ex-husband teasingly calls her his “ex-wife in law”. Our oldest daughter is married and has given us a grandson, we are Gee-moe and Grammy. Our four daughters say the only thing better than having a mom is having two moms. DAKSHA: Seema and I met through work and it was quite instant for me. I hadn't dated an Asian woman before, but it felt so right. Our daughter has 3 moms! She calls her dad’s girlfriend “ mom“, I’m also “ mom“, and my wife, Megan, is either “ Mama Megan” or simply “ Megan“! Not the sperm donor’s actual number but the only one I could remember from Les Miserables. So later when the boys would sing Jean Valjean’s song “Who Am I?”, it brought a special smile to our faces.We started out with Mama and Mommy, but never really committed and both just referred to ourselves as Mama (as in, ‘your mama’) until it lost all meaning. Then for a while it was Stephamommy (Stephanie + Mommy) and Other Mommy (who is technically the bio-parent. Stephamommy thought that one was hilarious) until we convinced our daughter to start using Mommily (Mama + Emily).
If you opt for an anonymous donor, you won’t know who the person is, but you will be given information on certain key characteristics, like their family history and appearance. What do the results mean: that lesbian women are more committed parents? Or, perhaps, that early teaching about diversity, sexuality and tolerance is the key to raising emotionally intelligent, confident kids? ASHLING: The one issue people tend to bring up is the concept of the absent father figure and the effect that will have on the children, especially Kai. We've made a conscious decision to ensure there are strong male role models around.
Our son chose to call me mommo at about 18 months old. Before that we were both mama. I called him baby-o and buddy-o, so I think that’s why I became mom-o. Our daughter just called us what my son already did. Both boys call us by name at home. Interestingly, they call us their dads when talking about us to others. Bibai was what I called myself as a toddler and my family still uses it for me sometimes, so it’s pretty easy to get them to remember to call me that in front of my kid. Update, 4/27/2022: Please see this post for some of the newer names and stories!] Chose Definitively It wasn't until the early 1970s, when both women were at the University of Michigan that they finally heard the word "lesbian" during a lunch conversation.
Was mummy for a long time. Worked out I was non binary when kids were 3 and 6. They came up with jelly and treea as alternative names for me. When our kiddo was a year old she started calling me Mommom and I absolutely adored it. She uses Mama more than Mommom but I get a little swell of love when I hear Mommom every couple of months. Lara, 41, and Ruth, 45, have been together for 10 years. They have seven-year-old twins, Bell and Isaac, and Ross, who is three and a half, and they live in north LondonWe have girl/boy twins. Our son was an early talker and started calling me “ Mombo” completely on his own. We liked it, so we kept it! When Girton finally told her parents about Freedman, Girton says her parents stopped talking to her for nearly eight years. Bo” is my fiance, and that is the name they chose for her when they decided she needed a different name (the way I have a first name but they call me Mama). She was unsure about Bo at first, but has embraced it, and so have they. My daughter even calls her “Mama Bo” sometimes. Cisgender woman; I strongly do NOT feel like a “Mommy”. Have always hoped and planned to be a “ Mama“.
My wife carried all our children. We call her Mommy. Our singleton is biologically hers. The twins she carried are biologically mine. I am called Mama. We do not share with people who is who’s biologically. Nor do we share with people about the sperm donor. When choosing our names it was very important that people knew with out a doubt that we were both the mothers. We didn’t like the gender roles associated with mom/mommy and the perceived absence of dad. We like to think we aren’t subject to those conventions and we are both the best of both so we made our own up with Zaza and Zeze– my name also starts with an A and hers with an e. My son is six years old. My family calls me “ bebita” which means baby in Spanish. When he started to mumble words, he started referring to me as “ Babe” and my wife, his biological mother, as Mommy.
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There's this idea that because we stand out from the norm, we have to be better, like super-parents": (from left) Ross, Lara, Bell, Isaac and Ruth. Photograph: Ophelia Wynne for the Observer
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