Surrounded by Narcissists: Or, How to Stop Other People's Egos Ruining Your Life

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He also blames parents for letting their children wear shirts that said spoiled or letting their daughters think they are princesses. Why do I want this harmfulness? Because there are little girls, queer kids and BIPOC need to be told they are special. Because people keep complaining about selfie culture as if the upper class did not have things like “portrait culture”. There have always been “selfies” but now the working classes can do it and feel special too. But, of course, that would rub self-help authors the wrong way. What if people did not feel bad about themselves? Fewer book sales. No, I don’t think Thomas Erikson has bad intentions, but he does not seem to have the expertise for the subject. Therefore, this book appears opportunistic, to cash in on the current obsession with narcissism. Then there are yellows. They’re extroverts too, but they’re more focused on relationships. They’re optimists who enjoy interacting with others. Yellows don’t cope well with isolation or rejection. As someone who has a narcissist pretty close to me for a long time, I found myself saying, “yep, yep, yep,” so often and really was able to take away some good info on how to handle certain situations. I’d recommend this book.

I am reading this from an American perspective while the author is Swedish, so that definitely influences our differing opinions on how this topic is discussed, but at the end of the day this was written by someone outside of the mental health field. The author is a motivational coach and public speaker who has found a niche they can write about and market in a very appealing way.If there are any narcissists in your life, or people who are prone to narcissistic behavior, this book will be very helpful to you. Thomas Erikson has written a highly informative book that starts with the behaviors that are classic to narcissism, and goes on to help understand and effectively cope with any narcissists that might be in your life. He also takes it a step further to show what narcissism tendencies look like in society today. I was surprised by how many there were that I now just take to be normal behavior (social media I'm looking at you). I learned a lot of very good information and swear I highlighted half of this book. In particular I appreciated the examples on how to not apologize for creating boundaries, and Thomas gives very good, clear examples that will be easy to model in my own communication when I need it. Explain that you expect the relationship to improve, now that you’ve set these boundaries: I think I’ve made my feelings clear, so things should get better, right?

Also, keep in mind that the boundary conversation only really works with partners, friends, and family. If you have a narcissistic boss, for example, it’s hard to dictate the terms of the relationship. And finally, there are blues. Blues are fact-focused introverts. They’re thoughtful and conscientious, but they also have a weakness – a fear of public humiliation. Thomas Erikson’s entertaining and spot-on descriptions of human behavior has made his books in the Surrounded by book series a global phenomenon and a bestselling success. Now I know what they look like, I am too often blown away by the sheer volume of narcissists that walk among us. They come in many different forms, but their behaviour is fundamentally the same and this makes spotting them easier. In turn, we are better able to shield ourselves from the damage unleashed by the narcissists walking our streets. In The Narcissism Epidemic, published in 2009, psychologists Twenge and Campbell argue that narcissism is becoming dangerously widespread in American culture. Even people who don’t have NPD are behaving in narcissistic ways.

I had to take a breather when the author decided to dedicate an ENTIRE CHAPTER to the appearance of cars and how their outward look became more "aggressive" over time with slanted headlights that "looked like narrowed eyes." So that was a "clear sign" of an increasingly narcissistic culture. Well, it depends on how you define “dangerous.” Narcissists can certainly be psychologically dangerous. Cheating, lying, manipulating, gaslighting, love bombing, playing mind games – all of these harmful behaviors can damage people’s mental health. Erikson thinks we should be worried not just about the narcissists we know, but also about collective narcissism. Any group can be collective narcissists. They might form around a political ideology, a faith, or a sports team. It may even be your partner or someone in your family. Perhaps you’ve noticed that this person can be deceitful – even manipulative – at times.

A decade ago, there was a scientific study on collective narcissism, which involved some participants from the US. These participants were asked to read an interview with a foreign exchange student. The student expressed a negative opinion of some aspects of the US. So far we’ve been looking outward, focusing on the common characteristics of narcissists. But now it’s time to look inward and do a little self-reflection. Before you confront the narcissist in your life, you need to know exactly what your own strengths and weaknesses are. You may be able to ask, or encourage, someone exhibiting narcissistic tendencies to improve their behavior. But if you aren’t seeing any change, this might end up hurting you. So save your energy for a different strategy – which we’ll get to next. Use self-awareness to deal with narcissists. Deeply insecure, because they never experienced unconditional love. Any love or care that was given was done so under certain challenging conditions that made them feel inauthentic and fake. Surrounded by Narcissists: How to Effectively Recognize, Avoid, and Defend Yourself Against Toxic People (and Not Lose Your Mind) [The Surrounded by Idiots Series]And it’s especially damaging to those of us who have close emotional relationships with narcissists. Individuals who were once romantically involved with a narcissist sometimes refer to themselves as “survivors.” The person who initially seemed charming, showering them with gifts and affection, later turned out to be cold, critical, and manipulative. True NPD may only affect 1 to 2 percent of people. But it’s been estimated that up to 20 percent of the population behave in a narcissistic way. This is manipulative behavior. But how should you respond? In the heat of the moment, it can be difficult to know what to do. So we’re not blaming here, but shedding light on this critical problem so that if you’ve suffered from being raised by a narcissist, you can recognize the problem immediately, get some help, and navigate through the challenges successfully.

This book is an intricate look into how narcissists are made (they are not born this way), how to spot them, their behaviors, and how to break yourself free of one. I found the book absolutely fascinating, and resonated with a lot of it. This book is not worth the paper it's printed on. The author openly admits, "I don't know anything about this," and references his own alleged research into the topic as "improvised and intuitive explorations" (p.128) The color system is part of a behavior assessment known as DISC. Essentially, it’s a way of categorizing the different personality types. There are four colors: red, yellow, green, and blue. Each one corresponds to a different kind of personality.Thomas Erikson, the author of Surrounded by Narcissists, wants to help us to avoid becoming victims. PDF / EPUB File Name: Surrounded_by_Narcissists_-_Thomas_Erikson.pdf, Surrounded_by_Narcissists_-_Thomas_Erikson.epub I am writing this review awhile after I read the book. It is hard enough to give a critical review, but since this book is about psychology; I had to process my feelings about it. And my biggest feeling is that while there were some helpful and interesting parts to this book, it is more harmful than anything. But let’s start with the “good”. The language, as always with this author, is friendly and non-scientific. Unlike in other books by Thomas Erikson, DISC is not the main point, although concepts still get repeated plenty of times. I think the biggest part for me, is even with therapy (which is rare, as most narcissists of course 'do not need help'), there is very little that can be done to cure narcissism.