To Have and to Hold: Motherhood, Marriage, and the Modern Dilemma

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Alice and Joe have a life change after Joe is caught with another woman by his boss and is given his only option.... to move to New York. Fast-moving . . . entertaining . . . a roller-coaster ride of serendipitous fun.” — Publishers Weekly on Mr. and Miss Anonymous In the [United] States, a woman is looked after, by herself and by others, only so long as her body is a receptacle for the baby. Attention then transfers to the needs of the infant. To ask for respite to betray not only weakness and helplessness, but selfishness. You should be prepared for the emotional and physical demands of your new motherly role and you should like them, too. I am a huge fan of Jane Green books, with bookends being my favourite. When I was in the library I saw Spellbound which is a book of Jane Green which I have yet to read and obviously I couldn't walk over it.

I love the way the ending of the book takes each of the characters from the book and tells you how they ended up later in life. I have always wondered after reading books what would actually happen to the characters and this answered all my questions. In my opinion an outstanding ending. On sex after childbirth: "As exhausted mothers, we often resent our husbands for having any interest in sex because it's just one more piece of evidence that they have energy we do not have. Their requests for sex show that they obviously have no clue exactly how drained we are or exactly how uncomfortable and unsexy we feel in our post-childbirth bodies. ...our husbands become just one more person placing demands on us, and particularly demands on our bodies… In other words, their interest in sex is proof that they aren't with us, don't get us, and don't see where we are, and possibly that they're selfishly pursuing gratification of their own needs. ...But the irony is that sometimes, their sexual overtures may well be their way of saying, I'm right here. I see you and I want to be with you. I'm reaching for you." (151-152) From USA Today Bestselling Author Leigh Greenwood comes a historical Western romance filled with gritty cowboy heroes, strong-willed heroines, and a whole lot of heart in the Wild West.Much like All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership, I couldn't bookmark the whole book, so here are my top passages that I want to remember: In To Have and to Hold, Molly explores the complex terrain of new motherhood, illuminating the ways it affects women psychologically, emotionally, physically, and professionally—as well as how it impacts their partnership. Along with the arrival of a bundle of joy come thorny issues such as self-worth, control, autonomy, and dependency. And for most new mothers, these issues are experienced within the context of an intimate relationship, adding another layer of tension, conflict, and confusion to an already challenging time. So why didn’t I love it? Well, it wasn't written for my life situation, and that's okay. I still found a lot to appreciate. However, there were a couple problems I had with the book that felt more serious than "this doesn't apply to me."

On changing relationship dynamics: "Generally, a new mother is primarily concerned with getting adequate support in caring for the new baby, and a new father is primarily concerned--though perhaps less consciously--with the fear that he has been usurped by the baby. Indeed, the feeling new fathers often have in relation to their wives is one of being irrelevant, or at least less relevant than they used to be, and this is typically a very painful feeling to bear." (169)Verso la fine la storia si movimenta un po' e migliora ma la narrazione sembra una semplice esposizione dei fatti ed è molto impersonale e non fa entrare in sintonia con i personaggi. the wife Alice was blind to all the signs which keeps nagging the wife that something is fishy,she keeps herself busy by socializing and in their country house,the hubby Joe just can't seem to have control on his lust ,seemed to be any woman who walked by he wanted to have sex with her,he is addicted to sex and seemed to me he might have missed out some therapy sessions in teens that is why now at age 38 he needed counseling and therapy on how to control his sexual urges When Molly Millwood became a mother, she was fully prepared for what she would gain: an adorable baby boy; hard-won mothering skills; and a messy, chaotic, beautiful life. But what she did not expect was what she would lose: aspects of her identity, a baseline level of happiness, a general sense of wellbeing. And though she had the benefit of a supportive husband during this transition, she also at times resented the fact that the disruption to his life seemed to pale in comparison to hers. Together with writing books and blogs, she contributes to various publications, both online and print, including anthologies and novellas, and features for The Huffington Post, The Sunday Times, Cosmopolitan and Self. She has taught at writers conferences, and does regular keynote speaking, and has a weekly column in The Lady magazine, England’s longest running weekly magazine. Most writers love what they do and I’m no exception. I love it when I get a germ of an idea and get it down on paper. I love breathing life into my characters. I love writing about women who persevere and prevail because that’s what I had to do to get to this point in time. It’s another way of saying it doesn’t matter where you’ve been, what matters is where you’re going and how you get there. The day I finally prevailed was the day I was inducted into the New Jersey Literary Hall of Fame. For me it was an awesome day and there are no words to describe it.

Even progressive couples often revert to traditional divisions of labor in parenthood. Also, couples frequently suffer when they become parents. Try to see what's underneath the arguments and the friction. It's often an unmet need. Anyway, buku ini menceritakan tentang seorang perempuan bernama Alice. Dulunya Alice ini gadis biasa, rambut keriting, nggak cakep. Alice mempunyai mimpi untuk tinggal di pedesaan, berkebun dan melakukan pekerjaan domestik. Perkawinan di fantasinya adalah dilakukan di sebuah gereja batu kecil, dengan memakai fluffy wedding gown, mahkota bunga dan tanpa alas kaki. Reprinted in 1931 with personal notes about the author and illustrator Frank E. Schoonover at 331p.

CHAPTER XXXVII IN WHICH MY LORD AND I PART COMPANY

First, there was an infuriating chapter on birth that was poorly researched and used the Business of Being Born as a completely serious footnote. Yikes! Skip it no matter who you are but definitely if you had a traumatic birth. The author wants to treat this audience with care, but falls far short of writing about this painful subject with an objective and kind point of view. I think she puts too much emphasis on physiologic birth because this was her experience. She is correct, however, in pointing out how the memory of birth lives on for the birthing person long, long after the day passes, and that there is little attention to the importance of telling the birth story as a means of emotional healing. For a better researched resource on this subject (obstetric violence, etc), seek out Evidence Based Birth (an org with classes, a podcast, etc) or the book “Babies Aren’t Pizzas.” The medicalization of birth may be a problem, but the cult of zero-intervention birth is hardly better from where I'm sitting. Most of us live in the vast universe between Ina May Gaskin and elective belly birth and you will not find help with processing how your attempts to find that middle ground may have foundered through no fault of your own here.

To Have and to Hold ( 1899) is a novel by American author Mary Johnston. Published by Houghton Mifflin, it was the bestselling novel in the United States in 1900. Joe is a serial womaniser and often goes home with a different woman after ring Alice to inform her he will not be home as he has to work late yet again. Alice has her suspicions but never talks about it to Joe. I enjoyed how conversational Millwood's book feels, like you're not being lectured at but actually seen, that your feelings are valid and your fears are taken seriously. Millwood covers a range of important topics, such as the loss of self, the isolating state of modern American motherhood, the very real stress that children bring to a marriage, and how to move forward with your new life. Millwood works to correct her "dismay at how many books there are about pregnancy and childbirth and how few books there are about the complete metamorphosis we undergo once we become parents." (86)

CHAPTER VIII IN WHICH ENTERS MY LORD CARNAL

Printed in the Riverside Literature Series (1934) with introduction notes and suggestions by Grace Shoup. As she explains, women have an innate, attuned sensitivity to their babies because of their prenatal relationship and hormonal changes. Dads, on the other hand, have to actively work to develop a bond with their babies, and become attuned through practice and repetition. However, she isn't willing to accept this as a signal that maybe it is really okay if Mom is the one who does most of the childcare, while Dad is the primary provider and is involved secondarily in child-rearing. This arrangement doesn't work for everyone, and isn't possible when the family's survival depends on two incomes, but she is amazingly resistant to accepting that it's okay for some people to take their cues from biology. She is completely unwilling to give up on the idea that parents should have equal investments in childcare, and even though she provides great advice about how dads can get more involved and develop deep bonds with their babies, her preconceived notions distort this part of the book. Alice has married her high school crush and lives a life of luxury. She no longer works, gets her hair colored every 6 weeks, lunches with high society, and wears the latest fashions. One small problem: she isn’t herself. Also, her husband, Joe, is a womanizing cad, cheating on Alice every chance he can. When an affair with a co-worker goes awry, Alice and Joe move to the U.S., where Alice buys a cottage in the country. She begins to find herself through a love of gardening, and when her best friend and her boyfriend come to visit, she sees what a real relationship should be. When Joe starts to stray again, Alice wonders if she will ever find true happiness with her life. Dia dan sahabatnya, Emily, tergila-gila dengan salah satu cowok bernama Joe. Kebetulan Joe ini teman kakak laki2 Alice. Joe digambarkan sebagai cowok yang charming, sukses, suka sekali flirting dan cenderung tidak setia pada pasangan (karena dia hiperseks) I am not the target audience for this book, but I am so thrilled that this book exists. I've had so many fears about motherhood validated, and more importantly, I've learned how to reframe my understanding of friends who are mothers and how to best respond to their needs and feelings about this transformation of their lives.