Pageboy: A Memoir: The Instant Sunday Times Bestseller

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I resent that we were cheated out of our love, that beautiful surge in the heart stolen from us. I am furious at the seeds planted without our consent, the voices and the actions that made our roads to the truth unnecessarily brutal. pg. 179 As many have pointed out, the author eschews a linear retelling of his life, in favor of bouncing around in time and attempting to tie things together thematically, or just as it occurs to him. Had I not just finished Andrew Rannells' new book right beforehand, which uses a similar template, that probably would have irked me more. But it IS sometimes difficult to tell just where you are timewise, especially as the actor rarely pinpoints such tales with what he is working on at the time, which might have provided welcome signposts to where in his life/career we are.

For the most part, the prose is always at least competent, and ofttimes quite stirring; at other times, he reaches for something more poetic or flowery, and it lands with a clunk. But again, the story he wanted to tell is heartbreaking, and his anguish at coming to terms with his true self and owning that is both inspiring and admirable. I learned a lot about the trans experience I was not aware of, and if that's not worth 4 stars, I don't know what is... Elamin: When you say "stream of consciousness," is there a narrative arc still to the book, or not so much? If the little man does throw a wobbly on the day, then bribing him with sweets, toys or other special treats is certainly an option to consider (but we didn’t tell you that!). Searing, deeply moving, and incredibly poignant... This isn’t simply a book on what it means to be trans, it’s about what it means to be human."I still think this is a very important book and I would urge anybody to read it, regardless of your own sexual orientation or gender identity. Please retain Elliot’s experiences here, I beg of you. It made a drastic change in my life, but the sensation I have in terms of the relationship with my gender was not going away. ... I felt so much more comfortable in many ways with queer-women environments, with queer women, but then there would also be this aspect where, in a certain way, things would start to feel worse in moments, because I expected to feel at home. I expected this sensation of, "Oh finally," and I still knew something about me was different. I felt like a huge weight lifted, immediately, like overnight, because that really was just so challenging and insufferable, being as closeted as I was, and for as long as I was. I didn't come out till I was 27. But that wasn't the end of the story.

If I was growing up today, I would probably say I'm non-binary. I was assigned female at birth and, though I like to dress "feminine", I have never felt like a woman and resent having to be a woman with breasts, periods, and the fact that I can get pregnant. I could not detect myself. I didn't transform into me - the me I knew I was - like the other boys did. I was desperate to wake up from this bad dream, my reflection making me increasingly ill. Closing my eyes I'd find the memories, the moments of euphoria, of witnessing myself, praying I'd find that again. pg. 144Playing a character that was partially starved to death allowed me to lean in to my desire to disappear, to punish myself. ... I would pass a giant photograph of her, the poster for her latest film. Her beauty is dangerous, I'd think, it'll cause a car crash," he writes. He does a good job describing his gender dysphonia over the years from a very young age until well into his adulthood. I was both surprised and not surprised about his feelings of confusion and his levels of awareness.