Living with the Dominator

Product Information

I may be unfairly rating this book a 3 star but I think that’s because I was reading this from a slightly different perspective. From an unbiased perspective, this is an incredibly important and useful book and should be read by all women starting from college age so that they can avoid relationships with abusive men. I recognise a lot of characteristics of abusive men in this book that were present in men I have dated in the past- and I found that disturbing. Uses emotional abuse to control his partner by telling us we are stupid, ugly and incompetent. He is unfaithful and he puts us down in front of others, usually using humour. As a result we lose all self-confidence. The Jailer The course teaches that knowledge is power, and our aim is to give women “Freedom Goggles”, so they can understand abusive tactics and choose healthier relationships. We also help women come to terms with the abuse they have experienced. It can be very therapeutic to talk through your past with those who have similar experiences; it is validating to hear that you are not alone in what you have suffered.”

Uses sex to control us. He refuses sex, demands sex and rapes us. As a result, we feel dirty and used and unable to stand up to him. The PersuaderUses intimidation to control his partner by shouting, glaring, sulking, driving too fast and firing questions at us without giving us a chance to answer. As a result, we believe he is angry and try to placate him. The Headworker

Below are the eight personae of the 'Dominator' with descriptions and the effects each one can have on us. The descriptions below are from the renowned Freedom Programme for female survivors of male domestic abuse. This is now available with the supplementary work book ‘The Freedom Programme Home Study Course’. This workbook makes the Freedom Programme even more accessible."

The Sexual Controller

The Freedom Programme is a course run by Julian House and other organisations for women who are in, or have experienced, an abusive relationship. The aim of the programme is to help women understand the beliefs held by abusive men, identify and challenge any shared beliefs and help women come to terms with the abuse they have experienced. The Dominator uses various and numerous tactics to keep these rules in place. Here I have described some tactics The Dominator may use to keep each of the above ‘rules’ in place: The Freedom Programme Home Study Course’. This workbook makes the Freedom Programme even more accessible,

I am the author Pat Craven. When I was a Probation Officer I ran courses for male 'perpetrators’ of violence against women and children. For two years I sat among groups of men who had injured, raped or killed their victims. I realised that abusive men use a range of tactics to control women. After you have finished it you may be inspired to join a programme if one is available in your area. The facilitators are wonderful and will give you lots of support and practical help. If you are in the UK and are looking for a programme please Google ‘Freedom Programme’ and the name of your town and county. You can also make friends with other like-minded women. For that reason - I think this book didn’t go into enough detail for me. Whilst the book does touch on affects of violence on children, I would have liked this part to be lengthier and what was written wasn’t relevant to me. Women should stay at home and not have a life of their own’ – isolates us from our family/friends, stops us from working. Makes the abuse seem less than it was my using the “only” word. For example, it was “only a slap.” When the “only“ word is used the listener does not really hear the rest of the sentence. He also denies there was any abuse or blames us for it. Many men go to the perpetrator programme asking for help to deal with "this horrible woman who forces me to be violent." He also uses all the excuses we have discussed already. As a result we believe him. The BadfatherThe Freedom Programme examines the roles played by attitudes and beliefs on the actions of abusive men and the responses of victims and survivors. The aim is to help them to make sense of and understand what has happened to them, instead of the whole experience just feeling like a horrible mess. The Freedom Programme also describes in detail how children are affected by being exposed to this kind of abuse and very importantly how their lives are improved when the abuse is removed. To introduce women to community resources such as Women's Aid, the Police Domestic Violence Unit, The Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre, local Colleges etc. The Freedom Programme is being run in several schools for both boys and girls. The Home Study Course is an ideal text book for schools and colleges. The programme usually lasts for 11 or 12 weeks and is FREE. It provided by hundreds of agencies across the UK. Some of them are rolling so women can join at any time but this varies according to local needs, etc.

An abusive person may exhibit only one persona or a combination of many. Putting these behaviours into categories means that when we are faced with abuse we can recognise it as abuse. The Bully I published ‘Living with the Dominator’. I wanted to reach everyone who was unable to attend a Freedom Programme. I also realised that abusive men do not understand their own behaviour. They do not realise that they decide to use violence when they realise that their other tactics are failing. perpetrators’ of violence against women and children. For two years I sat among groups of men who had injured, raped or killed their victims. I realised that abusive men use a range of tactics to control women

The King of the Castle

Before purchasing the online course, we want to make sure that you are comfortable with how to use it and can access it in the language of your choice. Women are accused of ‘breaking the rules’. we may say ‘NO’!. We may say we are leaving. We refuse to have sex. We go to work. We make friends and go out to see them. It is worth pointing out that women do not actually know what the ‘rules’ are. They change constantly and what we think is a rule, ends up not being a rule. We don’t know what the right thing to say or do is and when we think we have worked it out, we are still wrong – hence the saying ‘Walking on eggshells’! If The Dominator wishes to change his behaviour, he needs to change his beliefs about women. He needs to change the RULES OF THE GAME! Uses children to control us. He turns them against us and if we leave him he uses the courts to harass us for access. He says he's not the biolgical father and tells us we are bad mothers. As a result, we lose our children or he seriously damages our ability to parent effectively. The King of the Castle The course is 12 weeks long; each session is two hours long and is currently run online due to the pandemic. It’s open to any woman aged 16 and above.