How to Raise Successful People: Simple Lessons for Radical Results

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They grew up in homes where pursuing excellence and pushing the boundaries were always expected, not merely desired. Esther Wojcicki—“Woj” to her many friends and admirers—is famous for three things: teaching a high school class that has changed the lives of thousands of kids, inspiring Silicon Valley legends like Steve Jobs, and raising three daughters who have each become famously successful. I’m especially impressed by how they compete and cooperate, focusing not on being the only woman in the room, but on finding solutions to the problems we face. I figured that if they could think on their own and make sound decisions, they could face any challenges that came their way.

How to Raise Successful Children Like the Wojcicki Sisters | TIME How to Raise Successful Children Like the Wojcicki Sisters | TIME

However, another student of Esther named Lisa wasn’t that lucky: instead of becoming a teacher, she became a doctor (her parents’ wish) and is still unhappy.Family, romantic relationships, academics, and athletics are just a few areas where people may strive for success.

How To Raise Successful People: Simple Lessons for Radical

FERGUSON: Helicopter parents are so involved in their children’s lives they often don’t create space for their children to develop their own independent relationships with people, learn how to negotiate for themselves, or identify their own interests. All parents want their children to succeed, but consider how you are defining success in regards to your child. We chose some of the people who had been part of the Harvard sample and went back and re-interviewed not just them, but also their parents.

If you think of success as doing well at work or earning a high salary, your professional goals and accomplishments will take priority. Parents need to tune in to each child deeply enough to understand what that child is interested in knowing or becoming, and what that child responds to, and to think hard about ways of unleashing that child’s potential to become the best possible version of themselves. While this might help them get high grades or become successful in the business world, it doesn’t properly prepare them to deal with the stresses of life, or teach them how to be independent, and most of all it doesn’t worry about how to raise your children to be happy and kind. Overall intelligence has long been believed to be one factor contributing to success in different areas of life, but some experts suggest that emotional intelligence may actually matter even more. Grit, then, is about fluidity and going beyond self-interest into the strength we can create in the world at large.