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I am kind-hearted and not a yeller by nature and with my strong willed/high emotional needs child, I was feeling overwhelmed and at the end of my rope. Yelling and spanking were being suggested to me to deal with my son and it didn't feel right and it wasn't working! Now I know that I can be my loving self and I have the tools to work with my son in a way that doesn't ask me to change myself in negative ways (harden my heart and just become more strict, etc.) Thank you. I wish I had found this book when my son was an infant. At least we get to start going in a positive direction at 3 1/2 years. My husband has also completely jumped on board and I am so in love with all the positive changes he has made. Empathic limits has strengthened our entire family relationship. If you're a mom like me, then you need to do yourself and your children a favor and read this book. Life changing! Adding a child to the family creates a cascade of challenges. Dr. Laura Markham shows parents how to avoid common sibling difficulties, and how to convey their love, even in stressful situations, so children truly feel supported. Open this book, and you'll find clarity, wisdom, workable ideas, and generous helpings of respect for parents and children. Dr Laura Markham earned her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless families. She writes extensively about parenting as the editor-in-chief of AhaParenting.com, and also she serves as an expert for Mothering.com and Pregnancy.org. She translates proven science and child-development research into the practical solutions you need for the family life you want. About the book:
My son thanked me this morning for reading this book. He said I am turning into the mom he always wanted. "Even if it means you don't always get your way?" I asked. He replied, "It's easy to learn from my mistakes when you aren't yelling at me about them." I almost burst into tears. This book is amazing, and by reading it I showed him that it is never to late to change your ways. So many things in this book were almost uncanny in how they described my children, but I really struggled with the idea of removing consequences and time outs as a part of our parenting techniques. However, I have already seen differences in my kids after just a few days and I am happier as a mom. I can honestly say that today was the first day in a long time where I didn't feel emotionally exhausted at the days end and truly enjoyed being a mom! I recommend this book to any parent who wants to truly get to the root of the behavior problems with their kids. By contrast, when we think of ourselves as coaches, we know that all we have is influence – so we work hard to stay respected and connected, so our child wants to follow us. Like an athletics coach who helps kids develop strength and skills to play their best game, coaching parents help kids develop the mental and emotional muscle and the life skills to manage themselves and live their best lives.” Children don’t know how to express their big emotions, so they act them out. We often view this as bad behavior, but really they need help processing their complicated feelings (117)If you wish to find a way to parent the way you dreamed of when you first held your baby in your arms this is the book. This book snuggles into the bosom of attachment parenting and Alfie Kohn-style resistance to behaviorism without actually using those terms much. And I have to say I pretty much agree with Markham. If you are the parent of more than one child, this is the book for you. Laura Markham begins at the beginning — the how and when to tell your child Parents need all the help they can get to be the kind of parent they want to be, and to use parenting skills that influence their children to be good citizens There is so much pressure to use punishments and manipulative rewards to discourage bad behavior and reinforce good behavior. This book gives parents permission to parent with love and compassion and without hardening their hearts to their child's needs and feelings. I heartily recommend this book to parents of young children, the sooner the better.
struggles, without making parents feel guilty or overwhelmed. It is a wonderful resource that gives parents the tools to not only help our children sibling relationship throughout your children's lives. I know that I will highly recommend this book to all my clients. while in the midst of conflict, but also helps us to teach our children how to be the loving, kind and respectful brothers and sisters we know they
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Finally, a book that answers your questions around sibling rivalry! In this insightful book, Dr. Markham draws on scientific research to craft smart strategies that any parent can use to help their children resolve their conflicts with empathy, mindfulness and peace. A must-read for every parent. If your child wants to do something that he isn’t usually allowed to do, have a think if there is any way to do it safely since you are there to help him, I want to start by saying that I agree with 90-95% of what Dr. Markham has to say. Her thoughts on reducing stress, increasing connection and communication, and empowering our kids very much mirror how I parent my own kids (or at least how I aspire to parent!). I went into this wanting some help to yell less in my interactions with my elementary schooler and it was some help with that, although despite the stated intention of the book, this is largely aimed at the parents of toddlers and preschoolers. This book has been so helpful for my husband and I as parents. I read about half of it when my son was very young, but recently decided to start over and finish it. I am so glad that I did! Creating deep connections with each one of your children, so that each truly believes that you couldn’t possibly love anyone else more.
In this highly anticipated guide, Dr. Markham presents simple yet powerful ways to cut through the squabbling and foster a loving, supportive bond between siblings. You really can stop the fighting and raise children who will be friends for life. PEACEFUL PARENT, HAPPY SIBLINGS includes hands-on, research-based advice on:I highly recommend this book to anyone that has a toddler or child that causes you stress & anxiety when they have a meltdown & you feel like you will always lose it!
The other thing that rubs me wrong about this book is the constant appeal to "science." According to Markham, after 10,000 years, we have finally figured out how to raise well-adjusted human beings, and this book is the summary of those findings. Her suggestions are very precise, and her insinuations that your child will be messed up forever if you don't follow her method are not subtle. What are your “triggers” – what your child does that makes you feel angry and frustrated? How can you be more mindful of them? The book makes parenting fun--she encourages laughter, silliness, zaniness and goofiness. It's really the magical ingredient that can many times get lost in day to day living. She has creative ideas to connect with even the smallest opportunity. Second, this book is designed to be used for a long time! Parents of toddlers will benefit just as much as parents of elementary school age children. In fact, the earlier you read this, the more of an opportunity you have to use it as your child grows! Dr. Laura has several sections that she breaks down further based on the age of your child. I love this because as every parent knows, there is NO one size fits all approach to parenting children as they move through various developmental stages. Each age and stage comes with its own unique set of challenges and opportunities. Dr. Laura has given parents the gift of learning how their parenting can evolve alongside their children's growth and development.I do gravitate towards the “peaceful parenting” philosophy, but there are other, much better books on the subject (Rest, Play, Grow is excellent, as well as Dan Siegel’s books). I also vehemently disagree with the author’s statement that “discipline never works” - she equates discipline with punishment, while in reality those are two VERY different things (discipline coming from the root word disciple, which simply means “to teach.”) I do agree that punishment (spanking, time outs, etc) rarely work, but true DISCIPLINE (teaching a child to clean up a mess they’ve made, teaching them to fix something that they’ve broken or solve a problem they’ve created) is important and very necessary as a parent! What makes a child independent? Roots and wings. Independence is rooted in secure attachment – knowing that Mum and Dad are there when needed. Once children know we’re available if they want us, they can focus on their appropriate developmental tasks, which include becoming more independent in handling their responsibilities.” I got from putting her advice and strategies into action. I put if off because I was too darn tired from sleepless nights to take on the task of reading
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