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Dead Inside

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Jesus Christ, I’m so desensitized right now that the doctor’s extracurriculars don’t even faze me. I’m just thinking, at least they’re already dead.

All Cyndy wanted was to be loved and accepted. By age fourteen, she had escaped from her violent home, only to be reported as a runaway and sent to a "drug rehabilitation" facility that changed her world. Written in a totally relatable narrative, I was torn between not being able to put it down and having to for my own sanity.Why did I continue reading this book you may be asking yourself? Good question. It was like watching a car crash victim being scraped up off of the pavement, you don’t want to watch but you just can’t bring yourself to avert your gaze. But to answer your question, it was the writing that kept me going. Needing (did I really need too?) to know what was going to happen next. What other articioty can the author throw our way? The writing, even though the subject matter itself was deplorable, was impeccable. The prose was streamlined, clean, witty, and made me continue on until the end. If the writing hadn’t been as good as it was I would have DNF’ed this book. If that isn’t a testament to Morrison’s skill with the pen then I don’t know what is. The Dead Inside is a compelling memoir written by the author Cyndy Drew Etler. Cyndy was a troubled teen in the 80's who had some experiences that aren't all that uncommon. She was making wrong choices while trying to find her place in the world. She spends some of her time smoking weed and drinking alcohol with her friends, until she finally runs away from home because she just can't take her family anymore, especially her step-dad, Jacque. There were things going on in that house that no child should ever have to succumb to. After making the decision to enter Foster Care, Cyndy finally has some peace. She's able to still see her friends, have a safe environment and doesn't have to deal with the turmoil from home. It's not long after that, at the age of 14, her mother decides to throw her into a drug rehabilitation for throwaway kids who are deemed out of control. Cyndy is told that she is under evaluation for three days and she's counting down the minutes to when she can leave and she'll do whatever it takes, including lying. Straight, Inc. will now be Cyndy's home for 16 months. What do all depressed white girls, emo necrophiliacs, and baby-eating cannibals have in common? They read Bukowski.

Utterly bleak, depraved, dark, and deranged. DEAD INSIDE by Chandler Morrison is a love story (can we even call this a love story? I don’t know if these characters were even capable of a thing called love.) about two people way off in the darkened shadows at the very edge of societal norms coming together to change each other for the...worst, I think. This is not a book I can recommend. If extreme, and I mean EXTREME, sexually explicit horror is something you are interested in then give this one a shot. But don’t say that you haven’t been warned. In saying all that and with the writing being the only saving grace in my opinion I am definitely interested in reading more from Morrison, hopefully something with different subject matter. Now I am going to go take a scalding hot shower to wash away my sins for reading this book and maybe have a salad afterwards. Disclaimer: This book was sent to me by the publisher, Sourcebooks Fire, via NetGalley for an honest review.Brutal, messed up and disgusting. The list of content warnings would be longer than the book! This is Splatterpunk/Extreme Horror at its finest. I love the book itself, it’s just I can’t really finish it. I don’t want to see and visualize everything what she’s been thru because it totally affects me really hard. What I like about this book is that how she deliver her past to everyone. I like it how she trusts her readers about it, her courage to write this and it’s like she’s a friend that saying “hey I need you to know me okay? Read this book” kind of thing. The ending, gosh the ending is great. She didn’t gave up living and didn’t drag her down. She didn’t want to end her life with a miserable past, she’s a strong woman, and she knows that she can escape all of this.

Through its exploration of mental health issues, it brings attention to how we can find strength within ourselves instead of relying solely on external sources for comfort or relief. Exploration of Human Emotion His writing style is characterized by an analytical approach to character development that invites readers on an engaging journey of liberation. At the same time, it questions how such spiritual beliefs may be challenged or undermined by scientific rationalism.

This girl, who wanted to fit in with the world and feel like she belonged, a girl with a harsh life, and sent to a place where she has no business being, made my heart hurt. At times, I felt like it wasn't even real life but repeatedly I was reminded that it was. That this actually happened to someone and many others. So yeah I am quite shooketh to say the least. And after every twisted thing I just read what I'm the most surprised by, is the 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐇𝐔𝐌𝐎𝐑 the book had. I was ready for being disturbed or grossed out but i was not prepared to be amused, and by that i do mean me laughing my ass off at how absurdly funny some of the quotes were. And I have No shame whatsoever admitting this. In this novel, readers are presented with a complex story of human struggle and the power of redemption. Chandler Morrison’s Dead Inside is an exploration into the inner depths of human suffering, fear and pain. From the outside, Straight Inc. was a drug rehab. But on the inside it was...well, it was something else. If you don't feel like visiting my blog, you can see videos online that show what it was like inside these institutions. Here's one. There are so many available and I do have more on my blog.

His humor is subtle and had me smiling to myself many times before disembarkation. Okay, before I go on, I should warn you that this next part is what most people would consider to be gross or appalling. If you were expecting fifty shades of softcore mommy porn, you’re going to be disappointed. The Dead Inside is an emotional, bleak read- and a very important one at that. Not only is the memoir insightful about one particular kind of 'treatment' program that was tested on youth, but it is also read that stirs thoughts regarding opportunity (and limits to) for forgotten or hidden youth; parental abuse; as well the dangers inherent in labeling teens as 'bad' kids. Many intense subjects are openly approached in this title: sexual abuse, verbal abuse, psychological and physical trauma for a start. Etler does not broach any subject matter in a benevolent, timid fashion- and The Dead Inside makes all the more impact for it. Etler's memoir is one read that I feel needs to be experienced for the full impact; I fear that I cannot do justice to aptly describing or condensing the dark and compelling nature of this memoir. Providing readers with an intimate look into the depths of human emotion, Chandler Morrison’s novel effectively communicates its powerful message about inner turmoil, particularly in regards to the prevalence of mental health issues; according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, nearly 1 in 5 adults in the United States experience mental illness each year. Honestly, DEAD INSIDE has a Tarantino-esque quality about it in the sense that it is SO over-the-top offensive, SO over-the-top disgusting that it's *almost* funny.I had the honor of reading an ARC of Straightling and it was an amazing read. I can't put into words the experience of reading this little girl's nightmare. On the one hand, you want to close the book and pretend these things don't actually happen to children, but on the other hand you had to finish it because you have to know that she survives her nearly two-year ordeal. Cyndy didn’t have a good childhood past. Instead, it’s heart breaking and really bad past. She tries to be fit in the society where every kid is cool: she wears pants that is fit to the society, smoked pot with her “friends” and pretending to sleep while she’s being raped multiple times. She runs away and sleeping to her friends’ house just to escape to her mother and to her step-father until she got in the Straight Inc where her ruined life continuous. Cyndy's fractured home life was far from a happy one, but things soon got worse for her when her family ship her to Straight Inc. It was quite clear that she doesn't belong in this drug rehabilitation centre and all this lost, little girl really needed was someone to love and protect her. Instead, however, she received nothing but abuse and neglect. In this bleak and disturbingly erotic debut novel, iconoclast Chandler Morrison provides readers with a dark exploration of the nature of death, individuality, and generational identity. Along the way, lines will be crossed, taboos will be violated, and common decency will take an extended leave of absence. This is not for the faint of heart or weak of stomach. Or anyone who enjoyed Fifty Shades of Grey. That is the conclusion I've come to. If you ever hear that name come out of any character's mouth, just know they are EdGy little shits.

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