Shopaholic on Honeymoon (Short Story) (Shopaholic series)

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As I look at the little drawings of him and me, my eyes feel suddenly hot. We look so positive and dynamic and, somehow, together. Even if my hair is a bit weird. (Is that really what he thinks it looks like?) I stare at Luke blankly for a moment, before I suddenly remember saying that in Rome. I was so inspired by the scrummy ravioli. How did you do?’ Luke comes up, kisses me, then surveys my paper. For a few moments he doesn’t speak. When at last he turns, his mouth is twitching. I squeeze his hand and beam at him. I’m in charge of our itinerary and I haven’t divulged it yet, except that we’re going round the world. I want to surprise him as we go along. The late-afternoon light is making the square all gleamy-goldy and a band is playing, and if I hadn’t just argued with my new husband, it would all be totally gorgeous. Morosely I watch a couple having a picture taken in the middle of the square. They’re both wearing straw hats and have sunburnt arms and look really happy. I expect they’re on honeymoon too, but I bet the husband isn’t trying to bail out in the middle.

It’s not! That’s not why I stopped. I stopped because . . .’ I look around for inspiration. ‘Because we’ve got to choose you a mask.’ Hers is pretty expert, I have to admit. It looks exactly like the church and is all cloudy and shady. But she hasn’t got a fancy title like In Vietnam, has she? I’m about to offer to think of a cool title for her when I see Luke walking across the square. Well, fine. I’ll just sit and have a drink and soak up St Mark’s Square. If I’m going home in two weeks’ time, I’d better enjoy every second of this honeymoon that’s left. I look around at the colonnade and the pigeons and the shiny domes, and heave a great sigh. As I take a seat at Florian’s café, my heart feels like a lump of sand in my chest, and it’s not even because I’ve seen the price of a cappuccino. I was actually thinking I might study art in my spare time,’ I add for good measure. ‘Maybe do a fine art degree.’

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But we bought some Murano glass,’ he points out. ‘When we were actually on Murano, yesterday. The dish. Remember?’ Luke’s shaking his head. ‘You set it up. I didn’t have the heart to argue when you landed it on me. But you must realize it’s not feasible.’ Hilarious . . . hijinks worthy of classic I Love Lucy episodes . . . too good to pass up.” — USA Today

I’m going to confront him, I decide. As soon as I’ve got rid of this bloody easel and we’ve got upstairs to our room. We head up the steps into our hotel, and I practically shove the easel at the receptionist.I know Luke runs a business. I know he has responsibilities. But what about his responsibility to us as a couple? To himself? If he doesn’t take a year off and travel now, he never will. And it was all so perfect. It was all so exciting. Well, I’ll go along there now. Get it done. I’ll catch up with you later. He gives me a kiss, then strides off, already consulting his map of Venice. Oh, you want me to change.’ He flares with sudden anger. ‘Two weeks into our marriage and I’m already not up to scratch. Well, great.’

Kinsella has also written numerous bestselling stand-alone novels including “Remember Me?” and “Twenties Girl”. I grab my bag and head a few steps towards the door before I find myself turning round, still churning with indignation. Sophie Kinsella has sold over 40 million copies of her books in more than 60 countries, and she has been translated into over 40 languages. Well. It gets a bit samey. I bet this is an open secret among artists which no one ever admits. I bet Picasso sometimes used to think to himself, God, not another bloody cube. Good idea,’ says Luke. ‘I’ll have one of those, too, please.’ He reaches into a small paper bag and produces something with a flourish. ‘And look what I bought.’

The other problem I hadn’t foreseen is, it’s so public here. Tourists keep coming up to have a look, which puts me off my stride, and one little boy even burst out laughing, which was totally uncalled for. In 2014 she published a Young Adult novel Finding Audrey about a teenage girl with social anxiety and her madcap family, and in January 2018, Sophie published her first illustrated book for young readers about the charming adventures of a mother-daughter fairy duo, Mummy Fairy and Me (also published as Fairy Mom and Me).

I’m going off art a bit, to be honest. I mean, I still love all the stuff – all the pencils and brushes and cute little pots of paint. It’s just the actual doing the art, which . . . Anyway, the lady in the shop took my side, so there. And the easel isn’t that heavy. Still, I might just stop and catch my breath for a moment. I’m sorry,’ says Luke at length, and I give the merest little shrug. Sorry doesn’t clarify anything. Is he sorry because he’s flying home tomorrow and wishes he’d married some Brandon C. clone who wouldn’t even want a honeymoon? Is he sorry because this marriage has clearly been a huge mistake and it’s going to be a nightmare sorting out the divorce? Is he sorry I chose Florian’s to come and drown my sorrows in, because I could have done so at half the price round the corner? Right.’ I swallow hard, marshalling my thoughts. I should be triumphant. I mean, I won. I got my way. But now that I have, I feel suddenly anxious. ‘You’re sure? What about all your commitments? What about all the . . . stuff?’ Nothing else.’ I nod firmly, and raise my glass to him, feeling suddenly ecstatic. We’ve patched up our fight and the sun is shining and we’re drinking Prosecco and we’re going to a masked ball next week! And I already know exactly which marbled stationery shop I’m going to go to.And we’d like to extend our stay,’ I add to the receptionist. ‘We’d like to stay at least another week. Will that be possible?’ The receptionist doesn’t reply, just looks questioningly at Luke. ‘What’s going on?’ I turn to him. ‘What’s she talking about?’ Sophie’s latest novel, Surprise Me, published in February 2018, presents a humorous yet moving portrait of a marriage—its intricacies, comforts, and complications. Surprise Me reveals that hidden layers in a close relationship are often yet to be discovered. Honestly. Does he not keep his eyes open as he walks around a city? He needs to learn to be more observant. Brilliant. Now I just have to think of a fancy title that sounds deep and meaningful, which is easy-peasy. I can think of about ten off the top of my head.