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The Little Book of Toilet Jokes: The Ultimate Collection of Crap Jokes, Number One-Liners and Hilarious Cracks

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Daley Starr – a schoolboy aspiring to be a journalist, who turns his family's and classmates' misfortunes into exaggerated "scoops". His name is a play on the Daily Star tabloid newspaper.

Champion the Wonder Arse – Young Chip McCain had befriended a magnificent wild hairy arse named Champion, which roamed the plains around the little town of Windy Creek in Arizona. You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" The weird thing about Trump’s Presidency is that I now actually hope that there is a shadowy cabal deep within the US government dedicated to undermining the democratically elected leader. Frankie Boyle Large-Breasted Wet T-shirt Pneumatic Drill Girl – A masked superheroine, dressed for a wet T-shirt contest, who works at the roadside with a pneumatic drill and fights crime. My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue – completely pale, no arms.” Phil Wang (2015)So, I hope you all enjoy this book… you can always hang it in the loo and whilst your sat there grab the book and have a laugh. He’s sort of like a pumpkin having a nervous breakdown. He’s like a sort of corrupt tele-evangelist that Columbo would have as a baddie or something. Do you ever get that when you’re half way through eating a horse and you think to yourself, ‘I’m not as hungry as I thought I was?'” I’ve always considered myself more of a lover than a fighter. Which has confused a lot of guys that have tried to start fights with me. They’ll raise their fists, I’ll whip my knob out.” Mark Nelson (2015) Tim Vine has won the award for funniest joke at the Edinburgh Fringe twice (Photo: Getty)

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.” Gordon Zola and Cheddar George – they get up to various pranks involving cheese, until a policeman beats them to death with a giant smoked cheese "for all the cheese-related trouble you've caused" A monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter for an infinite amount of time will eventually come up with the works of Shakespeare, so all Donald Trump really needs to be considered one of the great US presidents is an infinite amount of time and a monkey that can type. Leo Kearse Krystle's Big Chance – an American teenage girl bullied for having one very slightly crooked front tooth; until she goes to an orthodontist, whereupon her classmates award her prom queen and hail her as beautiful despite her now wearing huge, ungainly dental braces. A parody of Americans who aspire to orthodontics while stereotyping British people as having bad teeth.I can only stare at them for a short while, but if I wear sunglasses, I can stare all the time I want. Trump was delighted to hear on TV that Mexico were finally building a wall. Unfortunately Trump doesn’t really understand the World Cup. I was at the library, studying for an exam”. The detector beeps. The father explains, “this is a lie detector, boy! You better tell the truth…” He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

There are almost thousands of shows at Edinburgh Festival Fringe, each of them vying for your laughter. Bassey Come Home – in which a young boy who lives on a farm has Shirley Bassey as a pet, and must fight to keep her from being sold when the farm falls on hard times. Trump loves capitalism but hates free trade, which is like being a Destiny’s Child fan who hates Beyoncé. I rang up British Telecom and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’ He said: ‘Not you again.'”Danny Davis and the Robot Pimp – a young boy whose best friend is an android pimp from outer space. The husband explains his Wendy tattoo. The stranger laughs and then says, “When hard, mine reads Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day”. Miley Cyrus. You know when she was born? 1992. I’ve got condiments in my cupboard older than that.” Lucy Beaumont (2014) Josie Long is performing for three nights only at this year’s Edinburgh Fringe (Photo: Idil Sukan)

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