Hot Asian Mom: Loving Moms 2

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I needed her after my daughter’s traumatic birth, I needed her when I wasn’t sure if I had postpartum depression, I needed her when I doubted my ability to look after my captivatingly precious but astoundingly fragile baby. Thankfully, my husband, who is also Asian-American, was very supportive and always offered me patience and a listening ear. Even though this was not my cultural norm, there were things about confinement that were definitely helpful, especially having someone else look after all the meals and cleaning! Mum dropped off the food every few days, told me what I couldn’t do, gave the baby a cuddle and left. I thought of the times I felt bored babbling to my baby, how I tired of singing the same nursery rhymes, how my whole world had narrowed to the feeding, cleaning, and entertainment of my tiny child, and then the guilt that followed swiftly after.

Thankfully I am in touch with myself enough to realize that this wasn’t normal, and marched myself off to a doctor, saving face be dammed! I’ve dropped in unannounced, two daughters in tow, and she’s laying out a beautiful meal: gamja-guk potato soup, gyeran-mari egg rolls, and hobak-jeon zucchini fritters. Also, I completely know what you mean about the Asian culture being open to "alternative medicines" but skeptical about modern medicine. The things your MIL said about taking care of the baby make me chuckle because my mom is exactly the same way! Race plays a significant role; Frida is the “most palatable kind of Asian” but as scrutiny over her intensifies, judgment breaks down racial lines: “She didn’t sound attentive enough, patient enough, Chinese enough, American enough.Because I was finally having an honest conversation about motherhood—sharing traumatic birth stories, empathizing about the challenges of breastfeeding. Although the loves sex, that part of her life has been put on hold preferring the nurturing of her college age son, Kenji, over the dating game. According to traditional Chinese medicine, our bodies have a “hot” and “cold” nature, which must be balanced for good health.

Some of the restrictions for the first month, such as not leaving the house, might aggravate postpartum depression. Because all of us need to see our experiences reflected and to be reminded, once again, that we are enough. Shanghiist shared the same discomfort and agreed that it was often very difficult to tell who was the child and who was the mother.

The emphasis on emotional restraint, the stigma against mental illness, and the desire to “save face” might prevent some Asian women from admitting they need help or from seeking help. As the growing pressure to be beautiful gets even heavier in Asia, is it right to pin these expectations onto mothers as well? I hope that my story will enable other women, particularly Asian women who may feel a cultural stigma against mental illness, to recognize that their struggles are not just personal flaws that they should bury, and to find the courage to seek help. However, we still face many difficulties in our industry because of our commitment to accessible and informational Asian news coverage. I thought I was disappointing her when I caved in after two days and took a shower, and I felt anxious asking for her “permission” to leave my own house when I couldn’t stand being trapped indoors anymore.

Jezebel highly agreed and said, “As if beauty culture didn’t already put enough pressure on us to never start looking old, working tirelessly to turn us all into a diverse chorus of consumer Queen Grimhildes. Sleep-deprived, my stomach still aching from the C-section, I’d left my three-month-old baby and my six-year-old daughter with my husband to speak to Jessamine.The book sat on my bedside table for weeks before I dared to open it, the premise alone too close for comfort.

There is also definitely a stigma in the Asian culture against mental illness, often rooted in superstition (eg: a person suffering from mental illness has “bad luck”). I had a “mix” confinement, in that my mother moved out the day the baby came home (my parents previously lived with me 5yr prior). Mirjam – I agree there needs to be more representation among all backgrounds for mental health issues, particularly PPD. Moms] aren’t allowed to say, ‘I want to text with my friends,’ or, ‘No, I don’t want to watch you draw. At this year’s Oscars, Everything Everywhere All at Once is in the lead with eleven nominations, including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actor, and Best Supporting Actress.Brandi – I agree that culture or background can be defined so much broader than just race or what country you come from. At the same time, I was stressed because my mom seemed to be watching my every move, not giving me space to learn to be a mother on my own.