Stop People Pleasing: Be Assertive, Stop Caring What Others Think, Beat Your Guilt, & Stop Being a Pushover (Be Confident and Fearless Book 1)

Product Information

Set boundaries with your kids, don't say yes to please them, this might temporary make them like you, but you shouldn't put your needs and fear of being displeased over your kids safety. The best way to fight people pleasing is to build up what makes you feel good. If you feel good, you don’t need others to make you feel good.

Do you find yourself obsessing over the problems of other people? Is your happiness contingent on someone else’s mood? If so, you may struggle with codependency, the term that Melody Beattie coined in 1986 after working through her own personal struggles with it.

What is a people pleaser?

Because in adulthood we relate to each other by respecting one another. And if you people please you're not just disrespecting the other person (by denying them the agency to be upset) you're also disrespecting yourself. Der Schreibstil hat mir ehrlicherweise etwas zu schaffen gemacht. Emma Reed Turrell verwendet teilweise recht lange und verschachtelte Sätze, sodass ich diese manchmal doppelt lesen musste, um den Sinn zu verstehen. Ab der Hälfte hatte ich mich dann etwas daran gewöhnt. Dennoch muss ich sagen, dass die Autorin die Thematik sehr gut und feinfühlig vermittelt hat. Auch ich habe mich in so manchem Pleaser-Profil ansatzweise gesehen. Sehr schön fand ich ebenfalls, dass die verschiedenen theoretischen Erklärungen mit Fallbeispielen ihrer Klienten erläutert wurden. Die Fallbeispiele wurden sehr schön fließend in den Text integriert. Während des Lesens hatte ich durchgängig das Gefühl, dass Emma Reed Turrell sehr ehrlich und offen spricht. Sie beschönigt nichts und sagt offen heraus ihre Ansicht bzw. die möglichen Ursachen. This is a type of psychological projection often practised by those who are people pleasers. Your own frustration with your over-giving leads you to think of others as ‘ selfish’ if they dare have the very boundaries you wish you did. E.g there's a great section talking about the different ways to decline an invitation respectfully because it's what you need. But there's a clear "don't say yes then cancel last minute. Because that's choosing the instant gratification of people pleasing, with a heavy dose of disrespect later."

This is someone who can’t tolerate people being displeased with them but, unlike the other pleasing profiles, the resistor’s defences result when they realise that they can’t (or won’t) do what it takes to elicit a favourable reaction. This one starts off with a chapter on people being nice and then breaks down the 7 practices in detail.

How to tell if you are a people pleaser

And what if your phrase is too dramatic or inappropriate for a small situation? Then it’s probably not worth apologizing over! I know you can do it! It’s time to stop people -pleasing and start doing what is right for you! I am rooting for you like Rob Schneider in The Waterboy. Sentirsi necessari è come sentirsi amati. Lo facciamo perché abbiamo paura di perdere le persone, eppure perdiamo noi stessi nell'inutile tentativo di renderle felici." Growing up, the pacifier may not have felt it was safe to upset someone else or to be around discord.

No, I can’t’. ‘No, that doesn’t suit me’. ‘Not for me, sorry!’. How often do you say such phrases? If you are a people pleaser, saying no will be a rarity. Culture and socialization: The culture of a person’s family, community, or country may influence how they view their duty toward others and themselves. Some may learn that total selflessness is a virtue or that the needs of the collective matter more than the individual, for example. This becomes their definition of themselves. It’s who they are and why they exist, to make life easier and more comfortable for other people. Whatever the case may be, the danger of being a people-pleaser is that it can leave you feeling emotionally drained, stressed, and burned out. Once you’ve really worked on saying no unapologetically, you can work on saying sorry the right way!These pleasers learned how to placate and pacify by soothing the strong feelings of others, or by burying their own feelings to avoid provoking a hostile reaction. The researchers then introduced two musical “experts” who expressed their own opinions about the songs. If you are struggling with being a people pleaser and it is negatively affecting your life, I hope these books can help turn things around for you. You deserve to be a priority in your own life. Often it’s down to parenting. If your caregiver was unwell, either physically or mentally, you might have had to be a caregiver, always trying to meet your parent’s needs. This can lead to a limiting belief that your personal value comes from pleasing others, and to an adulthood riddled with codependency.