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Have You Eaten Grandma?

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An informal guide to punctuation, spelling and good English for the twenty-first century * Strong Words * A former Oxford Scholar, President of the Oxford Union and MP for the City of Chester, Gyles Brandreth’s career has ranged from being a Whip and Lord Commissioner of the Treasury in John Major’s government to starring in his own award-winning musical revue in London’s West End. A prolific broadcaster (in programmes ranging from Just a Minute to Have I Got News for You), an acclaimed interviewer (principally for the Sunday Telegraph), a novelist, children’s author and biographer, his best-selling diary, Breaking the Code, was described as ‘By far the best political diary of recent years, far more perceptive and revealing than Alan Clark’s’ ( The Times) and ‘Searingly honest, wildly indiscreet, and incredibly funny’ ( Daily Mail). He is the author of two acclaimed royal biographies: Philip Elizabeth: Portrait of a Marriage and Charles Camilla: Portrait of a Love Affair. In 2007/2008, John Murray in the UK and Simon & Schuster in the US began publishing The Oscar Wilde Murder Mysteries, his series of Victorian murder mysteries featuring Oscar Wilde as the detective. Punctuation is important, but the rules are changing. Spelling is important today in a way that it wasn’t when Shakespeare was a boy. Grammar isn’t set in stone. Once upon a time, to split an infinitive was wrong, wrong, wrong. Since the coming of Star Trek in 1966, when “to boldly go where no man has gone before” was what the now-iconic TV series promised to do, we’ve all been at it. “To actually get,” “to really want,” “to truly love,” “to just go”—you may not like them as turns of phrase, but take it from me: they are acceptable nowadays. End of. If we’ve not met before, let me introduce myself. My name is Gyles Brandreth, and I’m a language obsessive and a punctuation perfectionist. (That doesn’t mean to say I always get it right, but I always aim to.) My mother was a teacher; my father was a lawyer; they brought me up with a love of words. And they sent me to good schools. I was educated by teachers of English who knew their grammar and the value of it. As a child I read dictionaries at breakfast and asked for a copy of Fowler’s Modern English Usage for my tenth birthday. I have loved word games all my life. When I was twenty-three, I founded the National Scrabble Championships. Since then, whether as a journalist or a broadcaster, an actor or a member of Parliament, words have been central to my life. I am proud to be the longest-serving resident in Countdown’s Dictionary Corner on Channel 4, the host of BBC Radio 4’s Wordaholics, a regular on Radio 4’s Just a Minute, a reporter on The One Show on BBC1, and the chancellor of the University of Chester. Words are my everything.

Another handbook for those who love precision in language and who are not going gentle into that good night. Apparently talking about language on a bunch of game shows is enough to get you a book deal on the topic. Why do publishing companies still let non-professionals write books on topics that they’re not experts in? I don’t know. I guess they sell. I wish they didn’t. This is an amazing reference book for people, who care about correct language usage and auto-correct people when they write something wrong (grammar/spelling/punctuation police such as myself). It can be irritating for some but language is one of the most valuable assets of humankind, and I do not think that we should take it for granted. We're losing important cultural values due to misuse of the language, and technology is usually the one to blame for this. Gyles Brandreth beautifully highlights the most common mistakes that we make when we speak English/write in English. Thus, it's not a book to read and leave it to collect dust on the shelf but it should be treated as a timeless reference guide. This is a grammar guide that only Gyles Brandreth could write! Full of humour throughout, this is his definitive guide to punctuation, spelling and good English for the twenty-first century Stratford-Upon-Avon HeraldI’m going to focus on two parts here: Brandreth’s misunderstanding of discourse markers and his misunderstanding of grammar (including his own). First, let’s talk about everyone’s favorite word: like. Some readers might not have predicted that a former Conservative MP would be so liberal and happy about modern changes in usage. He counsels his audience to read “the rappers” as well as Jane Austen, and enjoys the possibilities of expression represented by new terms for sexual orientation, or online initialisms such as FML and YMMV. Even with a usage he personally finds irritating, such as “bored of” (rather than “bored with”), he consults “my friends at the Oxford University Press”, who tell him it is now very common. Only occasionally does he put a fogeyish foot down, insisting that “Can I get?” (the coffee-shop version of “Can I have?”) is “wrong, wrong, WRONG”. It’s hard to see why, since no misunderstanding is possible, and I suspect that “Can I get?” might even be an adorably polite display of diffidence, an unwillingness to focus on my own greedy desire to have something. Pedantic about punctuation or scrupulous about spelling? You'll love this hilarious and definitive guide to 21st century language from grammar-guru Gyles Brandreth

There are a few places where Brandreth manages to not completely step in it. He tells us not to be which hunters but also says who has to be used for humans (p. 194). So it’s a wash. He also has a surprisingly good explanation of plurals in English – except for the end where he says words like government need to take a singular verb (p. 125). This isn’t the case, especially when the collective noun is made of people. So, again, ups and downs. Suspiciously absent from that list are words like “linguist” or “language professional” or even “person who reads books on linguistics and grammar”. Also, how come Brandreth’s family – if they brought him up with a love for words – didn’t already have a copy of Fowler’s? Which new words are acceptable? Which aren’t? It’s a minefield, particularly when you add political correctness to the mix. Qantas, the Australian airline, recently advised flight attendants to avoid using the terms “husband” and “wife” and “mum” and “dad” as “they can reinforce the notion that everyone is in a heterosexual relationship and make many families feel excluded.” “Slobkabobs” is in; “mum” and “dad” are out. Brilliant, clear, entertaining, very funny and often outright silly. Brandreth excels . . . in all his linguistic joie de vivre and amusing self-awareness Guardian Brilliant, clear, entertaining, very funny and often outright silly. Brandreth excels . . . in all his linguistic joie de vivre' GuardianBrilliant, clear, entertaining, very funny and often outright silly. Brandreth excels . . . in all his linguistic joie de vivre and amusing self-awareness * Guardian * He makes the same mistake with the syntactic element Object – he says they have to be nouns or pronouns and he recognizes them with a semantic definition. The Queen is British, of course, though partly of German heritage. Her husband is British, too, though born in Greece and brought up in France and Germany. They both speak good English, as do their children and grandchildren. Because the sovereign is the head of state and traditional fount of honor and wisdom in the land, good “correct” English has been called “the Queen’s English” (or “the King’s English”) for at least six hundred years. Shakespeare used the phrase in his play The Merry Wives of Windsor. But to speak good English you don’t have to sound like the Queen. Good English isn’t about your accent: it’s about your ability to communicate—clearly, effectively, and (when you want to) passionately. This book is a total delight; witty, informative, educational and funny. I would recommend it to everyone and advise they always have a copy nearby for reference. Then do not despair, Have You Eaten Grandma? is the definitive (and hilarious) guide to punctuation, spelling, and good English for the twenty-first century.

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