Kings & Queens: The Real Lives of the English Monarchs

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He was the son of Richard Duke of York and Cicely Neville, and not a popular king. His morals were poor (he had many mistresses and had at least one illegitimate son) and even his contemporaries disapproved of him. Edward had his rebellious brother George, Duke of Clarence, murdered in 1478 on a charge of treason. During his reign the first printing press was established in Westminster by William Caxton. Edward died suddenly in 1483 leaving two sons aged 12 and 9, and five daughters. A reputation as a ruthless ruler was sealed that would last beyond his lifetime. In that respect, at least, Cnut had succeeded...' Kingship, despite the crown, robes, processions, coaches, trumpets and anthems, has often been an undignified activity – all the more so because it’s supposed to be dignified. Throughout the middle ages, our rulers supposedly had the endorsement of God, which made their failures all the more humiliating. King Alfred, the first king to lay claim to ruling the English as a people and the only English king to have been issued with the epithet “Great”, nevertheless spent a large part of his early reign hiding from the Vikings in a bog – by which I mean a marsh. On the 5 November 1688, William of Orange sailed his fleet of over 450 ships, unopposed by the Royal Navy, into Torbay harbour and landed his troops in Devon. Gathering local support, he marched his army, now 20,000 strong, on to London in The Glorious Revolution. Many of James II’s army had defected to support William, as well as James’s other daughter Anne. William and Mary were to reign jointly, and William was to have the Crown for life after Mary died in 1694. James plotted to regain the throne and in 1689 landed in Ireland. William defeated James at the Battle of the Boyne and James fled again to France, as guest of Louis XIV. When they arrived it was to thunderous applause. The streets lined with people cheering their name. 'Vendi! Vendi! Vendi!' the people cried. The cheers brought the Church officials to find a confused Vendi greet them as a hero. The Church had arrived after the three days they had assigned Vendi for the task, and found only the Dagannoth Rex lying dead. The Church had assumed Vendi had been slain in the task, but here they were - alive and triumphant. As was customary, the Church gave Vendi a place in the hero district of the graveyard, resting near the remains of the Dagannoth Rex that they had killed. The Church bestowed upon Vendi the title 'The Destroyer of the Dagannoth' and this moniker would forever seal their legend.

Anne was the second daughter of James II. She had 17 pregnancies but only one child survived – William, who died of smallpox aged just 11. A staunch, high church Protestant, Anne was 37 years old when she succeeded to the throne. Anne was a close friend of Sarah Churchill, the Duchess of Marlborough. Sarah’s husband the Duke of Marlborough commanded the English Army in the War of Spanish Succession, winning a series of major battles with the French and gaining the country an influence never before attained in Europe. It was during Anne’s reign that the United Kingdom of Great Britain was created by the Union of England and Scotland. After Anne’s death the succession went to the nearest Protestant relative of the Stuart line. This was Sophia, daughter of Elizabeth of Bohemia, James I ‘s only daughter, but she died a few weeks before Anne and so the throne passed to her son George. THE HANOVERIANS

Monarchs of England, Wales and Ireland

William was married to Mary, James II’s Protestant daughter. William landed in England and James fled to France where he died in exile in 1701. As with most things in the city, it was the Church who made Vendi break their one and only rule. Not because they forced or threatened them, but because the reach of the Church overextended itself and meddled where it should never meddle. The Church had many wonderous collections to its name. None surpassed their collection of historic relics. Their fossil collections were unrivalled and their menagerie a wonder to behold. They were just missing one last piece and they desired it beyond all reason. A dagannoth, the one thing Vendi refused to hunt. The eldest son of Edmund I, Eadwig was about 16 when he was crowned king at Kingston-upon-Thames in southeast London. Legend has it that his coronation had to be delayed to allow Bishop Dunstan to prise Eadwig from his bed, and from between the arms of his “strumpet” and the strumpets’ mother. Perhaps unimpressed by the interruption, Eadwig had Dunstan exiled to France. Eadwig died in Gloucester when he was just 20, the circumstances of his death are not recorded.

Edward Longshanks was a statesman, lawyer and soldier. He formed the Model Parliament in 1295, bringing the knights, clergy and nobility, as well as the Lords and Commons together for the first time. Aiming at a united Britain, he defeated the Welsh chieftains and created his eldest son Prince of Wales. He was known as the ‘Hammer of the Scots’ for his victories in Scotland and brought the famous coronation stone from Scone to Westminster. When his first wife Eleanor died, he escorted her body from Grantham in Lincolnshire to Westminster, setting up Eleanor Crosses at every resting place. He died on the way to fight Robert Bruce. He was a grandson of George II and the first English-born and English-speaking monarch since Queen Anne. His reign was one of elegance and the age of some of the greatest names in English literature – Jane Austen, Byron, Shelley, Keats and Wordsworth. It was also the time of great statesmen like Pitt and Fox and great military men like Wellington and Nelson. in 1773 the ‘Boston Tea Party’ was the first sign of the troubles that were to come in America. The American Colonies proclaimed their independence on July 4th 1776. George was well meaning but suffered from a mental illness due to intermittent porphyria and eventually became blind and insane. His son ruled as Prince Regent after 1811 until George’s death. On a positive note, Crofton smoothly presents the transition of ultimate monarchism to the ceremonial role it holds today; helping the reader understand the modern-day impact of their role. The conclusion is solid stipulating on the future of the royal family while also offering genealogical charts. Elizabeth Alexandra Mary, or ‘Lilibet’ to close family, was born in London on 21 April 1926. Like her parents, Elizabeth was heavily involved in the war effort during the Second World War, serving in the women’s branch of the British Army known as the Auxiliary Territorial Service, training as a driver and mechanic. Elizabeth and her sister Margaret anonymously joined the crowded streets of London on VE Day to celebrate the end of the war. She married her cousin Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, and they had four children: Charles, Anne, Andrew and Edward. When her father George VI died, Elizabeth became Queen of seven Commonwealth countries: the United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, Pakistan, and Ceylon (now known as Sri Lanka). Elizabeth’s coronation in 1953 was the first to be televised, serving to increase popularity in the medium and doubling television licence numbers in the UK. The huge popularity of the royal wedding in 2011 between the Queen’s grandson, Prince William and the commoner Kate Middleton, now the Prince and Princess of Wales, reflected the high profile of the British Monarchy at home and abroad. 2012 was also an important year for the royal family, as the nation celebrated the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee, her 60th year as Queen. Son of Edward the Elder, Athelstan extended the boundaries of his kingdom at the Battle of Brunanburh in 937. In what is said to be one of the bloodiest battles ever fought on British soil, Athelstan defeated a combined army of Scots, Celts, Danes and Vikings, claiming the title of King of all Britain. The battle saw for the first time individual Anglo-Saxon kingdoms being brought together to create a single and unified England. Athelstan is buried in Malmesbury, Wiltshire.The intensity of intra-familial hatred in many periods of royal history makes the William and Harry rift look like a tersely raised eyebrow over a Boxing Day game of Trivial Pursuit.’ Photograph: FD/Francis Dias/Newspix International

The term ‘brief’ is not an exaggeration as the issue with “Kings and Queens of England” is that it is much too summarized and simplified. Although Crofton does mention interesting and/or menial notes and facts; nothing is detailed and therefore the reader is not left with a solid image of any of the monarchs. Basically, “Kings and Queens of England” is somewhat flat and not memorable. On 9th September 2015, Elizabeth became Britain’s longest serving monarch, ruling longer than her great-great grandmother Queen Victoria who reigned for 63 years and 216 days. Edward was the most popular Prince of Wales Britain has ever had. Consequently when he renounced the throne to marry Mrs. Wallis Simpson the country found it almost impossible to believe. The people as a whole knew nothing about Mrs. Simpson until early in December 1936. Mrs. Simpson was an American, a divorcee and had two husbands still living. This was unacceptable to the Church, as Edward had stated that he wanted her to be crowned with him at the Coronation which was to take place the following May. Edward abdicated in favour of his brother and took the title, Duke of Windsor. He went to live abroad.Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II died at Balmoral on 8th September 2022 at the age of 96. She was the longest reigning monarch in the history of the United Kingdom, celebrating her Platinum Jubilee in June 2022. Succeeded his father Alfred the Great. Edward retook southeast England and the Midlands from the Danes. Following the death of his sister Aethelflaed of Mercia, Edward united the kingdoms of Wessex and Mercia. In 923, the Anglo-Saxon Chronicles recorded that the Scottish King Constantine II recognised Edward as “father and lord”. The following year, Edward was killed in a battle against the Welsh near Chester. His body was returned to Winchester for burial. Cromwell went on to crush the Irish Catholic Confederation and the Scots loyal to Charles II between 1649 and 1651. In 1653 he finally expelled the corrupt English parliament and with the agreement of army leaders became Lord Protector (King in all but name) King of Britain for sixty years and the last king of what would become the United States, George III inspired both hatred and loyalty and is now best known for two reasons: as a villainous tyrant for America's Founding Fathers, and for his madness, both of which have been portrayed on stage and screen.