The Success Myth: Our obsession with achievement is a trap. This is how to break free

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I wish the author had talked to some "normal people". She makes references to essential workers but it feels like a bit of a token gesture. I really trust myself now. I look to myself for the answers. That’s why I do love coaching, because a good coach will never give you advice, they will always bring the answers out of you. How do you learn to trust yourself? Success enables us to become more comfortable: financially, materially and physically. However, being more comfortable ≠ being happier. Remember the law of diminishing return while adding 'the success factor' results in smaller (or maybe zero?) increases of our happiness level.

I really wanted to love this book because I do believe that the world is trapped in a lie that has been designed to keep us forever striving and dissatisfied, but.... The paradox of success is real. The things that the system tells us will make us happy often don't. Perhaps it's time to stop trying to win and start working to contribute instead. Seth Godin, author of The Song of Significance and quitters never win, right? I remember learning in school that Thomas Edison tried 1,000 prototypes before he successfully invented the lightbulb, which seems to support the myth. In high school, most of us get the message that if we play by the rules, we’ll be able to get into a good college, find a good job, and climb our way up the corporate ladder to success. And, to a certain extent, that’s true: Valedictorians, who seem to follow this model, do end up in high-level jobs and are “reliable, consistent, and well-adjusted,” writes Barker. An interview with Emma Gannon, best-selling author, novelist and columnist about how to let go of seeking outside validation and find a path that makes your heart leap.This is the book that feels like a warm hug. I can relate to the desire to have it all: earn enough, cool job, adopt gentle parenting style, loving family, etc. I think I can juggle everything perfectly. Aku suka sekali bagaimaan Emma terang-terangan mengkritisi dirinya serta sistem kapitalisme yang membuat ketimpangan semakin tampak. Dia juga nggak menutup mata bahwa being white & blonde membawa banyak privilese buat dia selama ini. Tapi bukan berarti hal itu bisa dinormalisasi. To illustrate what it means to be nice but not too nice, Barker turns to a practice called “generous tit for tat,” which happens to be the most effective strategy in the two-person Prisoner’s Dilemma game. (In this game, two players have the choice to cooperate or defect; mutual cooperation earns the highest rewards, but it’s safer to defect on a given round if you don’t trust your partner.) By cooperating with one’s partner, and then simply imitating their actions and occasionally responding to defection with forgiveness and more cooperation, players tend to get the best outcome over time. Emma mengumpulkan insight yg ia dapatkan dari wawancara beragam tokoh di siniarnya Ctrl Alt Delete. Alih-alih mendapatkan "resep sukses", Emma malah menemukan bahwa "kesuksesan" itu nggak berupa definisi mutlak. Ada banyak sekali variabel yg berperan di dalamnya.

Studies have also shown that friends seem to go hand in hand with success: Having not just close friends but also wider acquaintances can help you find a job in the first place, for example. Once you’re at work, you’re more likely to get promoted if you’re open to developing friendships. Even sitting at larger lunch tables at work is linked to higher performance! 5. Always believe in yourself

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After taking a deep look at her own journey, and interviewing many other successful people on her podcast Ctrl, Alt, Delete, she realised that our overly celebrated and traditional version of success is making us lonely, unfulfilled and dispirited. Now she has worked out a way to do things differently, and here Emma shares her hard-won lessons, including:

In other words, we can’t do everything—and the way to figure out what we should be doing is to try a bunch of stuff and stop what isn’t working. For example, people who try lots of different jobs early in their careers typically go on to make more money and rise higher in the ranks. Quitting goals we’ll never reach simply makes us happier and less stressed. Oh, and the reason those kindergarteners were so successful at the Marshmallow Challenge is because they kept trying different things rather than persisting at a losing strategy. I inhaled it in one sitting. It made my shoulders drop three inches by the time I’d read the first chapter. Why? It is a permission slip to escape ‘the achievement trap’. The book explores why the traditional version of success is making us feel lonely, unfulfilled and dispirited. Sayangnya, kita selalu terpaku pada "resep sukses" meski sudah sangat sadar bahwa orang yang seperti itu cuma one in a million. Mau kita tiru plek ketiplek cara hidupnya, nggak bisa membuat kita jadi kloningannya dia. My goal is that I want to finish the book I’ve been trying to write. Gannon suggests I create process goals versus milestone goals. Instead of saying, “I’m going to write a book”, try “I’m going to write for 20 minutes a day”. “The process goal is not just about the goal itself, but about experiencing it, being present for it, noticing the time spent on it and learning to congratulate yourself along the way.” A successful future What it does do is capture a good summary of the changing attitudes of success and life landscapes in the last 30 years.

Not according to Adam Grant’s research. The Wharton School professor found that people who tend to be Givers in the workplace—who offer more help than they receive from others—are more successful than “Matchers” and “Takers.” If networking is crucial to success, extroverts should have a clear advantage. And they do, by some definition of success: Extroverts tend to make more money, have higher career satisfaction, and get more promotions, while introverts are more likely to earn graduate degrees and become experts in their field.

A brilliant book, and so necessary. We have to get away from the idea that happiness is just over the next hill, and that everything will be better when we've achieved the next big thing. This is a crucial and joyful part of that conversation. Rebecca Seal, author of Solo: How to Work Alone (and Not Lose Your Mind) Emma is wise beyond her years and has a way of putting into words beautifully what we're all thinking. The Success Myth is inspiring, candid and intelligent - I encourage everyone to read it. Elizabeth Uviebinené, author of The Reset: Ideas to Change How We Work and Live Ask yourself, she says, how much money is enough for you? “It can be empowering to simply be aware of what you need in your life and what you want, versus what you think you want, and splitting the difference.”Now a self-confessed recovering “success addict”, Gannon has quit her podcast and written a new book, entitled The Success Myth – about why the traditional version of success is making us feel lonely, unfulfilled and dispirited. Dahlah nggak usah tergoda dengan Forbes 30 Under 30 (anyway, most of them ternyata kesandung kasus lho).