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Firstly, kudos to Rebecca for reclaiming her story after being publicly humiliated by the disgusting Seann Walsh. Why Did You Stay? is indeed a profound book about how our fear of rejection leads us (and by us, I mean primarily but not exclusively women) to settle for a state of affairs where “your expectations of what love looks like just get lower and lower until you think that love is this low-level thing that you’re trying to keep alive”. I ask Humphries why she thinks this is. “I have a long-held belief—threaded through this book—that popular culture has a lot to answer for in the way that it represents women. What’s so fascinating about what happened to me is that I’ve been obsessed with pop culture since I was about three, and suddenly in 2018, I found myself inside it, and expected to be dignified in a way that actually meant silent and voiceless. I was like: ‘That isn’t who I am! I have every right to assert myself!’” Humphries had been working for a long time before the fall-out from Walsh’s affair. In 2014, The Guardian’s Susannah Clapp wrote of her performance in Alistair McDowall’s dystopian drama Pomona, “Amid a top-notch young cast, Rebecca Humphries, sullen and wary, is outstanding.” But Humphries says she has had a much better relationship with her job since 2018 and the “visceral” lesson it taught her. “Before the whole media scandal, it had been really important to me that I projected an image of success – whether that was if I had high-profile jobs or a very successful boyfriend or important friends – and then when it all came crashing down, I was left with really not very much at all,” she says. “And that’s when I found my voice.”
There's so much more to rave about: for example, the way Humphries' shares her (all-too-common) experiences of feeling like a misfit woman, the perils of life as a people pleaser, and the days that our childhood and formative years can shape patterns of codependency. Rebecca talks about how she felt, and it was parts relatable (especially paragraphs about her inner workings). In the final paragraph she highlights that she’s done her shadow work, and that she feels lighter. Because talking about narcissistic abuse is hard. Especially since their MO is making you think you’re ‘psychotic’. Free of the toxicity, Humphries began to rebuild her life. She has since appeared in multiple high-profile TV shows, written for Vogue, Elle, The Guardian and The Telegraph and has spoken at the House of Commons about gaslighting and the media.He’s an absolute lesson to us all in his serenity and boundaries. He’s a very boundaried being. It’s inspiring. Forced into victimhood by the story, Rebecca chose to reclaim her power, posting her thoughts on social media, including advice for other women who might be experiencing what she realised she'd managed to escape: a toxic, oppressive relationship. A flood of support poured in, but amongst the well-wishes was a simple question with an infinitely complex answer: 'If he was so bad, why did you stay?' From the romance’s fairy-tale beginning to its crushing end, Humphries is unflinching in her portrayal of her ex’s insidious emotional abuse as well as her own behaviour: “Screaming when the windows were wide open, storming off in shopping centres, crying at parties.” a lot of very specific anecdotes from RH's life and particularly childhood & teens that seem unnecessary
way too long; could have been reduced by 50% and maybe then the message would be communicated more effectively
Jim Broadbent was a privilege to watch in action. David Harewood was electric. It was a fizzy environment to work in. This could have been done so differently, but it's done with grace, with honesty, with empathy. “This isn’t a story about how a monster corrupted a princess,” writes Humphries. “It’s about how a relationship began to change as a result of two people’s sense of self-worth, and I have empathy for both parties.” Empowering, unflinching and full of humour, this book takes that question and owns it. Using her relationship history, coming of age stories and experiences since the scandal during Strictly, Rebecca explores why good girls are drawn to darkness, whether pop culture glamourises toxicity, when a relationship 'rough patch' becomes the start of a destructive cycle, if women are conditioned for co-dependency, and - ultimately - how to reframe disaster into something magical. About This Edition ISBN:
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