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8 Rules of Love: The Sunday Times bestsellling guide on how to find lasting love and enjoy healthy relationships, from the author of Think Like A Monk

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We must use the time when we are single or take time alone when we are in a couple to understand ourselves, our pleasures, and our values. When we learn to love ourselves, we develop compassion, empathy, and patience. Then we can use those qualities to love someone else. In this way, being alone—not lonely, but comfortable and confident in situations where we make our own choices, follow our own lead, and reflect on our own experience—is the first step in preparing ourselves to love others. Fear of Loneliness Nobody sits us down and teaches us how to love. So we're often thrown into relationships with nothing but romance movies and pop culture to help us muddle through. Until now. You probably came to this book wondering how to find or keep love with a partner. We want love in our lives, and we naturally assume it should take the form of romantic love. But it’s a misconception that the only love in your life is between you and your partner, your family, and your friends. It’s a misconception that life is meant to be a love story between you and one other person. That love is just a stepping-stone. Having a partner isn’t the end goal. It’s practice for something bigger, something life-changing, a form of love that is even more expansive and rewarding than romantic love."

Nobody sits us down and teaches us how to love. So we’re often thrown into relationships with nothing but romance movies and pop culture to help us muddle through. Until now." Do you remember when you were 16? Do you remember having your first crush? At 16, it’s so much easier to feel the spark and chemistry than when you’re older because our prefrontal cortex is not yet fully developed. As we get older, our reasoning power, self-control, discipline, and ability to be more discerning are all strengthened. Al aplicar estas ocho reglas del amor de Jay Shetty aprenderemos a amar a nuestra pareja, al mundo y también a nosotros mismos Our own culture describes love in numerous ways. If we look at the Billboard Top 50 Love Songs of All Time, we are told that love is a secondhand emotion (Tina Turner), love is a roller coaster (Ohio Players), love is a hangover (Diana Ross), love is a crazy little thing (Queen), love’s got Beyoncé looking so crazy right now, and Leona Lewis keeps bleeding love. Movies idealize love, but we rarely find out what happens after happily ever after. With so many perspectives and portraits and parables of love surrounding us every day, I want this book to help you create your own definition of love and develop the skills to practice and enjoy that love every day.Most of my friends were in relationships. I basically felt single without Isla, and I didn’t want to be lonely, so I decided to join her. Instead of thinking about the pros and cons of moving—What were his job prospects? What was he leaving behind in Philadelphia? Who did he know in Austin? Did he like it there? Would this step benefit his relationship?—Leo was primarily focused on avoiding loneliness. It’s much healthier and more important to see your partner in multiple interactions over time before you’ve gone too far in. Studies show that you need around 40 hours to consider someone a casual friend, a hundred hours to consider someone a good friend, and 200 hours to consider someone a great friend.

Before we continue... I wanted to write a fair critique so I read the book and even listened to parts to see if anything changed with him reading it. I listened to podcasts where he is a guest and a few where he's the host and both solo and guest episodes. I googled some of the things he talks about in the book. I googled him. Overall, I gave him a fair chance before really settling into my decision. Sparkling 5 stars!!! A huge bravo to Jay Shetty! By far the best author I have discovered this year and 8 rules of love the best book I've read this year. DePaulo points to research that when asked to predict their levels of happiness should they stay single, college students thought that over the next five years they’d experience roughly three out of 10 on the happiness scale. Conversely, if they got married, they imagined they’d be just above an eight. In reality the average happiness rating of a single person was just above a seven, and continued climbing as the years went on. Researchers from the German Center of Gerontology analyzed data from more than 2,500 participants in a German aging survey. They found that as time went on, people became happier with their single status, and their relationship status became less relevant to them. DePaulo writes that over time, single life gets better and better, and for individuals as they age, satisfaction with their single lives continues to rise. Shetty joined an ashram at age 21. For three years he lived as a monk, studying the Vedas, which were written more than five thousand years ago. Their relevance in the modern world “amaze and inspire” him, he writes in the Introduction. This book is rooted in Vedic principles, “applying Vedic concepts in ways they haven’t been used before, applying spiritual concepts to earthly relationships.”I thought I had choreographed the perfect proposal, but as time passed it occurred to me that all my ideas had come straight from Disney movies and viral proposal videos. Does Radhi actually enjoy a cappella music? Sure, but she isn’t into grand gestures. Does she have an attachment to the Thames or to riding through London? Not really. Clearly, being near horses and covered in hives isn’t her dream date. And it turns out diamonds aren’t her gemstone of choice. What does Radhi really care about? She loves food, and while I’d arranged for a vegan restaurant to deliver food to us at the river, it arrived cold and bland. The one detail she would have appreciated the most was the one I planned the least, and its execution was the worst. Also, Radhi adores her family, and if I’d been considering that, I might have planned for them to jump out of the bushes to surprise us instead of the singers. She would have loved that.

But anyway, aku bukan mau bahas korelasi lagunya JKT48 dg buku ini ya. Aku malah pengin share what key takeaways yg bikin aku menyadari sesuatu dalam hubungan kami. As DePaulo says, “One of our challenges culturally is that we don’t tell positive affirming stories about people who are single.” Whether you look at movies, music, or TV shows, usually, even though people in relationships are struggling, it’s highlighted when someone’s alone. 2. Chemistry starts a relationship, but character makes it last. A lot of people say, “We just don’t love each other anymore, we’ve fallen out of love.” What that means is that love wasn’t enough. There were character traits that we needed that we didn’t find in that partner, that we didn’t recognize we needed to grow the relationship. The Gottman Institute, which publishes studies on relationships, talked about how the number one thing that keeps couples together is not date nights, holiday cruises, or walks on the beach, it’s their ability to learn how to argue, the ability to turn an argument into a discussion. Fighting and arguing push you apart, but discussion and debate bring you closer. The advice isn't actually bad. But it's superficial and has no nuance. love yourself, be comfortable with yourself, fight healthily, don't be in abusive relationships, love not just your partner, support your partner. WOW. A lot of studies and research have gone into why being alone, being confident, and being single is not only better for you, but also better for your future partner. Professor and clinical psychologist Bella DePaulo says, “It’s a broad misconception that single people are to blame for the high levels of loneliness reported internationally.” In fact, studies show that overall, the longer people are single in life, the happier they become.

BookBliss

Which is that this is an objectively terrible book by someone young with a large follower for unknown reasons. I think his credentials are seriously that he is married (he won't ever let the reader forget it), that he was a monk for a bit (won't let that one go either) and that he is a coach (what does that even really mean). He was a monk for three years (age 22-25). It's more than any average person sure but that's.... really not a lot of time to be making big proclamations.

The Vedas describe four stages of life, and these are the classrooms in which we’ll learn the rules of love so that we can recognize it and make the most of it when it comes our way,” Shetty explains. “After we learn the lessons of one level, we move to the next.” If you ask a friend or family member who’s dating right now, they’ll tell you they’ve been going on a lot of dates recently, but they haven’t felt any spark or chemistry. We are addicted to this idea of feeling a spark or chemistry. It’s healthy to be attracted to the person that we want to spend our lives with, or at least some of our life with, but we’re all chasing this intangible ethereal feeling. Studies show that when young, our prefrontal cortex is not fully developed so we think with our feelings, instead of reason and self-control. It’s natural when we’re young to feel more spark or chemistry. When you are dating, when you are first getting to know someone, you’re looking for that inner spark. But in the end, it’s their character that will keep that relationship intact. We often don’t really know the character of our partner, we only know their personality. Character is different—it’s how they behave when they’re stressed, when they’re fatigued, and when they’re in a bad mood. When you see someone’s personality, you see what you like, but when you see someone’s character, you see the more difficult, challenging parts of them. The ancient Greeks believed that there were seven basic types of love: Eros (sexual or passionate love), Philia (friendship), Storge (familial), Agápe (universal), Ludus (casual or non-committal), Pragma (based on duty), and Philautia (self-love). More recently, psychologist Tim Lomas, a lecturer in the Human Flourishing Program at Harvard University, analyzed 50 languages and identified 14 unique kinds of love.der Autor war mal ein Mönch und verusucht alles mit den uralten Weisheiten zu erklären. Es fängt an mit unnötigen namedropping aus dem Hinduismus als würden mich die 10.000 Fremdwörter interessieren, die ich sowieso wieder nach 2 Sekunden vergessen (einfach nur um zu zeigen, dass er tatsächlich mit 3 Jahren als Mönch seine Religion kennt) und geht weiter indem er so tut als wäre die Religion ein Autoritätsargument. Im Sinne, es müsse Stimmen wenn es vor 3000 Jahren geschrieben wurde. Eh. He had to go there, didn’t he. It wasn’t just the Simon & Schuster employee trying to schill a book; the author himself says he’s doing things that have not been done before. Like Moses coming down from the mountaintop, he brings us rules. What I love about this book adalah 2 bab awal ngebahas habis tentang self-love. Bukan yg normatif. Tapi ngingetin kita kalau "lu mau pasangan yg kayak gitu, ya lu kudu usaha sampe ke level itu." No one lift us up kecuali diri kita sendiri. Sorry, this book is not ground-breaking. Nothing new under the sun here. It’s all good advice, of course. And it’s all been around for some time now, not just in ashrams and the Vedas. Books, couples counselors, advice columns, blogs, podcasts - nothing is new. Some people just phrase things with a fresh twist, like "Swipe right."

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