Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents: Practical Tools to Establish Boundaries and Reclaim Your Emotional Autonomy

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You can decline to accept their criticism, and distinguish what they are saying to what is actually true about yourself. You get to define yourself, not them. Don’t fall prey to EI takeovers. This self-protective emotional disconnection makes it easier for the EI distortions to take over our mind and heart. Her books are LOADED with wisdom, insight and actually extremely useful and spot on advice on how to manage difficult relationships with emotionally immature people.

The last chapter even proposes strategies to improve a difficult relationship to an emotional immature person one encounter a time. Strategies are proposed on how to lead the communication towards positive and effective grounds. I thoroughly enjoyed the book. I found it interesting to read about emotional immaturity in general (Gibson presents 4 types of emotional immaturity). It allows the reader to connect the upbringing of others with the irrational ways they sometimes behave (e.g. extreme people pleasing in others, or - a connection Gibson suggests herself: why people can get into cults). Obviously, emotional immaturity in parents can be extremely distressing and damaging for their children (and the emotional immaturity of those persons hints at their own difficult upbringing). And there are a lot of emotionally immature people out there and they are difficult even for people who are not in a family relationship with them. Shame is a feeling / emotion (thus it eventually passes), not a definition / statement of my worth. I agree with another reviewer who writes below that Gibson creates an understanding for both, victim and offender (seeing the offender as a victim too), while focusing on the one who suffers and wants to change. She is creating an understanding for a cycle of behaviour learned as a child and passed on to the own children. This is the first book I read from the author, so I don't know what is written in her first book on the topic. This book, however, is focused on learning to set boundaries and on learning how to self-heal and build more healthy relationships with other people. Amongst others I loved that the author suggests to lower your expectations with your parents or other emotional immature persons in your life and to raise expectations for other relationships. So beautiful and true.Allow yourself to grieve the type of relationship you may be craving but probably can't have with this person. Instead,” she says, “it’s an indicator that the parent didn’t get their own emotional and attachment needs met when they were growing up. Whether good or bad, we’re all influenced by our past experiences and can only do better when we know better.” This can happen either overtly via insults and arguments, or covertly by consistently making themselves the topic of conversation, or via subtle little jabs and slights etc.

As an adult, you might be better off investing in a deeper relationship with yourself, while lowering your expectations for the kind of relationships you can have with others.” Fortunately, the brilliance of Gibson’s book sheds the light of understanding and provides the keys to healing for countless recovering individuals. This book is readable, relevant, grounded in solid science, and yet so accessible to the person searching for answers and healing from their wounds. It is a must-read for every student of human behavior and every mental health professional.”

Are we suffering from an epidemic of emotional immaturity?

Sometimes not responding is the best response. Disregarding unwanted behavior is an effective way of decreasing its frequency. This book by its own won’t resolve issues. Why? I had to read 2-5 books on each topic , like: boundaries and limits, assertiveness, narcissistic and bordeline abuse, radical honesty, DBT, self esteem workbooks, critical voice and its affect, and more. In a nutshell, it’s anyone in your life who is draining, self absorbed, emotionally coercive, and who discounts the importance of your inner experience. I really enjoyed this book, I feel it has some really good and helpful tools for people who struggle with the strain of having emotionally immature parents in their lives.

Emotional reactivity is the intensity with which you respond to emotions. High emotional reactivity is a sign of poor emotional regulation and involves intense shifts in your emotional responses. After reading “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” I was definitely gaining a better understanding of all the dynamics and things at play within myself. I felt almost “exposed.” But it left me wondering “okay, so what now?” Then I read this book.When you can’t connect through a shared interpersonal experience, you’re unable to recognize how your emotions impact those around you. I found so much useful information in this book. The author is wonderfully matter-of-fact yet kind: "Here's what's going on, here's what you may have had to deal with, here's many of the ways you might feel, there's no shame in feeling any of these things, and here's some compassionate support and strategies for moving forward." Dan W. Briddell, PhD, licensed and board-certified clinical psychologist with over forty years of clinical practice experience, and author of The Love Bug and Other Tales of Psychotherapy Drawing on the success of her popular self-help book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, author Lindsay Gibson offers yet another essential resource. With this follow-up guide, you’ll learn practical skills to help you recognize the signs of an EI, protect yourself against an emotional takeover, reconnect with your own emotions and needs, and gain emotional autonomy in all your relationships. This is a how-to book, with doable exercises and active tips and suggestions for what to say and do to increase emotional autonomy and self-awareness.