Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself

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This is my favorite book on boundaries and how to say no because it frames saying no as a negotiation strategy. It offers a simple formula to say no: Yes! No. Yes? I wanted to read a book that would help me relax a little bit better when I was tending to work I do for my businesses. The only way to become the assertive person that you want to be is by DOING it. Follow the steps. They are SO UNCOMFORTABLE AT FIRST. But it really does get easier with time.

If so, assertiveness can help you earn respect from other people, get them to hear you, appreciate you, and take you seriously. In fact, the quality of your life depends on how many of these uncomfortable conversations you are willing to have." Are You Too Nice? If you find it hard to be assertive, directly ask for what you want, or say and “no and ” to others, then you just might be suffering from too much niceness. In this controversial book, world-renowned confidence expert, Dr. Aziz Gazipura, takes an incisive look at the concept of nice. Through his typical style, Dr. Aziz uses engaging stories, humor, and disarming vulnerability to cut through the nice conditioning and liberate the most bold, expressive, authentic version of you. You’ll discover how to: = and u003e Easily say and “no and ” when you want to and need to. = and u003e Confidently and effectively ask for what you want. = and u003e Speak up more freely in all your relationships. = and u003e Eliminate feelings of guilt, anxiety, and worry about what others will think. Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, and Feeling Guilty… And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself by Aziz Gazipura – eBook Details

From The Manufacturer

Neigther the publisher nor the author are engaged in rendering professional advice or services to the your health require medical supervision. Neither the authors nor the publisher shall be liable or responsible There are many benefits to being assertive. Acting this way fosters healthy communication between yourself and those you interact with, such as your family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances. Assertiveness also ensures that others don’t take unfair advantage of you or bully you into doing things you don’t want to do. Being able to be assertive can reduce personal stress because you work to create an environment in which you feel satisfied — not one where you feel overwhelmed, trampled on or dominated.

People will always have something to say about you. Even if you are the nicest person on earth (nice people already know this!) You’re not responsible for other people’s feelings, wants, desires, and needs. You do not have to meet everyone’s needs. You don’t have to do everything that someone wants you to do. You don’t have to do anything that someone wants, if it is not right for you. You’re not responsible for meeting their needs–they are. You doing something for them is just one possible way for them to meet their needs. If you say no, then it’s their responsibility to find a different way." If you find it hard to be assertive, directly ask for what you want, or say “no” to others, then you just might be suffering from too much niceness. There’s a solid takeaway here for people who take on too much responsibility for the feelings of others, but I wonder if the advice within is really all that healthy. It’s based on (lengthy) personal experiences and anecdotes. You certainly might still get a lot from the book just by asking yourself questions as you listen, but I have a genuine question: Is there a book that provides the same self-reflection without the cringe? I’d be interested in that book.

Customer reviews

I have the right to say “no” to anything I don’t want to do, for any reason, without needing to justify it or give an excuse.

But that's just the thing, you NEED to be willing to go through the discomfort. If you're not willing to do that, don't by this book. Honestly. But if you're willing to go through the discomfort, this book will absolutely change your life forever. This is primarily a book for professionals, but the lessons can be applied to any personal or work conversation. Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion I have the right to offer anything to anyone, any number of times (and they have the right to say no). I have the right to change my mind; I do not always need to be logical and consistent. Before you continue, we thought you might like to watch ourFREE assertiveness training: How To Be Assertive Without Being Rude here. This training, taken by thousands of people, will give you the starting skills to be more assertive and communicate with more confidence.

However, it served as a good reminder to review some things again with great points, but honestly, I stopped about 3/4 of the way through because I was just ready to be done with it. If you struggle with telling people no (I do sometimes), speaking your mind (I’ve never had this problem), or asking for things (this is a biggie for me), then you will like this book.

In the first chapter, he tells you that his goal is for you to eventually see the term "Nice guy" and think of that as a terrible disgusting thing that you would never ever want to be. His goal was definitely accomplished by the end of that book. I was the biggest nice-guy/push-over that I knew. Everywhere. Work, school, relationships, you name it. He shares his perspective as a “nice guy”, the problems that come with it, and how he overcame those inner challenges to become more authentic and confident. It made me remember having a boyfriend in high school for a short period… who I never really liked. But because he was really nice and liked me, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by breaking up with him. (Yeah… that’s pretty bad.)I have also given more than I take and have said “yes” to things I really wanted to say “no” to just to appease another person and be helpful. If you want to be a person who is taken seriously and seen as a leader both in business and socially, you must learn how to communicate with a tone of certainty. The good news is it’s not that hard. You don’t have to become smarter, gain twenty years of experience, or achieve anything else first. You can just start doing it now. Speaking with certainty is just a pattern of voice tone and body language. This book is all about creating boundaries in your life. It includes 10 laws of boundaries, common boundary myths, and spends half of the book explaining how to have healthy boundaries with family, friends, spouse, children, work, self, and God. Note that this book has a religious undertone, but the knowledge is valid irrespective of your religion.