Every Family Has A Story: How to Grow and Move Forward Together

Product Information

Kate: Yeah. Your book has these incredible case studies of families learning to negotiate that dynamic. Can you give me an example of if someone who’s acute pain like required them to embed themselves and maybe they had to engage in a story that was their parents or grandparents? We may not see our family, but they are still part of us, genetically, in our memories and our unconscious. We can never leave them, as we can a partner or a friendship. When something bad happens I will not let go of that bad thing until I find the blessing within it.’

Kate: Exactly. Yes. Meanwhile, I’m busy putting terrible things in the coherence machine and inventing a story that never flatters me about why it’s happening. Yes. It is.In her bestselling follow-up to Grief Works and This Too Shall Pass, much-loved psychotherapist Julia Samuel invites us into her sessions as she explores the relationships that have the power to touch us and hurt us most: those with our family. Julia Samuel is so wise and compassionate. I love every word she writes and long for every reader—every person—to experience her unique and generous way of being in the world.” —Cathy Rentzenbrink The bestselling psychotherapist explores what we inherit and how we can create the families we wish for Every Family Has A Story sees bestselling psychotherapist Julia Samuel turn from her work with individuals to sessions with a wide variety of families. Diving deep into eight case studies, with her usual storytelling panache and the latest academic research, she analyses a range of common issues including separation, step-relationships, leaving home, trauma and loss. In doing so, she reveals insightfully how deeply we are influenced by our families -- including the often under-appreciated impact of grandparents and siblings -- and offers universally applicable insights into how families can face challenges together. Her 12 touchstones for family wellbeing -- from fighting productively to making time for rituals, and from setting boundaries to allowing difference -- provide us with the tools to ultimately be better family members ourselves.

This is a moving and reassuring meditation that, amidst trauma and hardship, tells unforgettable stories of forgiveness, learning and love. Kate: Yes, that’s right. I imagine the Canadian version would just be like a deep, awkward politeness, like just a small wave if you happen to be.Julia Samuel writes with unfailing grace, tenderness and consummate storytelling. Everyone who reads this will learn something profound' Rachel Clarke

With her usual warmth and wisdom, bestselling psychotherapist Julia Samuel explores the family- what we inherit and how we can change Kate: As a historian, I’m always like loathe to imagine that anything is new, but it does feel kind of modern right now. Revolutionary in some ways, to to talk about that kind of transparency across generations. Right. Like I imagine many of us have parents and grandparents where it can be very difficult to approach emotional subjects if if they have a very different set of emotional expectations. They endured war. They endured depressions. So is it so, first of all, is it modern to want this kind of transparency? And how do we navigate the sort of generational divides we might come up against if we wanted to talk this way? Julia: It was really intense, but it actually only took like eight sessions. And the thing that is so powerful is it renewed their relationship with their mother and it protected their children. So one of the things, if you want to kind of think about not passing down inherited trauma kind of deal with it in your lifetime because you will pass otherwise, you know, suicide is like a cluster bomb. It puts shards of agony in in everybody in different places. But by looking at the shards and naming them and having a clearer understanding, it means you don’t take the flinching and the injury of the shard to your own children. Why do some families thrive in adversity while others fragment? How can families weather difficult transitions together? Why do our families so often exasperate us? And how can even small changes greatly improve our relationships?Julia: They could then they wrote in this wonderful letter, the three of them, because I said to them, you know, their love for the person never dies. They would like I can’t have a relationship with them I only have one photograph. And but every time they talked together and they wrote this such a beautiful letter to him, because, of course, he was still very much in them and part of them, and they could see themselves in him. They had his eyes or his sense of humor, and so they healed by telling painful truths, which is really what you talk about, is that by facing and not hiding from painful truths, we can’t fix the reality of what happened. But we can learn to connect and even love and allow ourselves. Kate: There’s an ongoingness to love and pain, which just doesn’t really lend itself to knowing exactly what to do. I believe this book will be particularly valuable to other therapists. The author does an excellent job of sharing her own limitations in dealing with conflicts that were unfamiliar to her. She openly discusses her desire to comfort clients in ways that may not be common for other therapists. Kate: That’s such a that’s such a beautiful word for the person who feels like they are the bomb that goes off. They are the one who is bringing the trauma in the front door. And and nothing can solve it. Tiesiogiai su psichologija susijusias knygas aš skaitau, kaip terapiją ir pagalbą sau. Ir šią skaityti man buvo emociškai sunku. Vienoje iš istorijų radau daug panašumų ir skaudėjo už juos ir už save. Bet pats procesas džiugina, kai tokiu būdu gali permąstyt save, naujai, iš kito kampo pamatyt situacijas, o perėjus viską pasijaučiu lengvesnė. 💛