Things I Wish I Knew Before My Mom Died: Coping With Loss Every Day

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I’m sharing this because I want to let everyone know that you will be with your loved ones again, and your loved ones are truly there with you in spirit. I am speaking from personal experiences, it is true. The same God that brought you together with your loved ones that have passed will also reunite you with them. “And, after death, they were gathered to their people,” as the scriptures speak of. Hello, I lost my mum and dad within 10 weeks of each other. My mum had cancer and she fought for 4 years. Then after she had passed away my dad told me he was coughing up blood and it turned out he had stage 4 lung cancer – then 10 weeks later he was gone. I lost my dad unexpectedly in August 2019. He had RA and pulmonary fibrosis. He died while in the hospital for what we believed was pneumonia.

The grieving process: Ty Alexander of Gorgeous in Grey is one of the top bloggers today. She has a tremendous personal connection with her listeners. This is never more apparent than when she speaks about her mother. The pain of loss is universal. Yet, we all grieve differently. There were some references I had no idea what they meant “I pulled a Kanye,” went completely over my head. Then, the use of “thug,” as an adjective (what exactly is a thug-tear?), not just once, but SEVERAL times. Then why couldn’t I release her to God with a joyful heart as I always expected? When I examined the source of my pain I realized it was not about my mother. I am completely confident that she has found limitless joy in a place of love and peace without measure. My trouble moving on now comes from my regrets about not giving her more of my time, attention and love. Though I am told this is normal, it still hurts:But somehow I still wake up with a smile in the morning, and I still have hope for the future, and I am still able to enjoy my present, even if it’s so tainted with pain. I can still laugh and get excited and look forward to things. I can still enjoy this life. I am really scared to have children now, as I am scared to lose what I don’t even yet have. It’s hard not to feel – in a family where 3 sons have died – that my family line is cursed. If I have children, they will surely die, right? I just wanted to say that I know the guilt and the pain. The pressure to be ‘ok’ as people give you a ‘time’ I have found. As though we should be ok after however long. I guess I was expecting the book to follow the title more. I haven’t lost my parents yet, but their health is failing and my dad especially. I’d hoped for some thoughts on what to do *before* you lose a parent. In fact, the book is more a description of coping mechanisms for after the fact. That’s fantastic, but the title was misleading. I know you lose your parents – but due to an error (long story) my dad screamed for 5 hours because he was in so much pain prior to him dying. I could not help him with his pain and the District Nurses couldn’t come out as they were SHORT STAFFED and therefore he died screaming at home. Reading all of your stories – it’s just horrendous. Like when he came home from the hospital with oxygen… she said “I don’t like that, you with oxygen….

years later I hadn’t realized I was carrying around guilt from following through with my dad’s wishes of disconnecting him from life support. In a simple conversation with my daughter the guilt was lifted. You see God is the giver and taker of life. All of our days are numbered. The moment we are born we start aging and the process of death begins. Due to sin in the world, other horrible things like disease, tragedies, accidents may intervene and shorten our lives even more. But God never leaves us nor forsakes us. I for one am eternally grateful. I am so sorry for your loss 😭 Grief is the most painful and confusing things we ever have to experience. I know you probably have huge holes in your heart because it’s so hard to process. It’s so miserable and scary at times. 🙁 but just continue to remember that Jesus loves you, I love you, and God loves you. It wasn’t until I lost someone very special to me that I started going to church for the first time. It’s so comforting knowing we will all be reunited one day because of Our Savior and our Faith. I’ve learned to realize that grieving is a blessing. Without it, there’s no love. And without it, there’s not a daily reminder on how important they were to our lives. Ty Alexander's mom died in 2013, when Ty was in her 30's. My mom died when I was 18, and by this time, I've lived longer without a mother than I did with one. But as an advice columnist (wish I could remember which one) once wrote, pretty much every day after your mom dies feels like your mom just died, because it's one of those holes that can't be filled. I need her so bad right now, I feel like I’m going insane, I want my head to stop, my thoughts to rest and my pounding heart to slow, and this gut wrenching stomach pains to disappear. The one person who could soothe me has gone, I will never be the same person again, my heart has died I’ve lost the biggest part of me, and I know I will ever find it. I have made death a messenger of joy to thee. Wherefore dost thou grieve? I made the light to shed on thee its splendor. Why dost thou veil thyself therefrom? – Baha’u’llah, The Hidden Words, p. 11.

I understand it to be the grieving from just a Pandemic in itself is traumatizing. Then, as humans our natural grieving process has been thrown off. Causing our grieving of changes the Pandemic enforced, and loss of live of a loved one. Now, kind of floating in the middle of the two. It’s definitely an extremely emotional experience I wish not on anyone. Please be safe.

This may be true for some people, but not for others. Grief is a normal response to loss, and to teach people that it always makes you feel like you’re going crazy is just plain wrong. Until that day..I share that very lovely and difficult journey of grief with all those on the same journey. Four days ago my mother passed suddenly and unexpectedly. I wish I had known these five things before she died:

I wish I had read this before I lost my mom a few years ago and a dear friend soon after..." - Nina Lesowitz, author of Living Life as a Thank You Has anyone experienced a loved one passing away due to Corona Virus? If so have you heard of or are you too experiencing?:“Complicated Grief” Over eight days, eight students sparked change that defined their lives, changed an institution and fueled a movement that continues today.”─ Alberto Ibargüen, President and CEO of the John S. and James L. Knight Foundation and former publisher of The Miami Herald and El Nuevo Herald May The Strength of The Lord continue to carry and comfort those who read this and are walking along this road grief. You are NOT alone. This little book came out of Ty's blogging about her experience going through and continuing to go through grief. She found a lot of support online from friends and followers, so probably the biggest message of this book is, don't isolate yourself in your grief. Reach out, and let other people comfort you and be there for you. Admit you need them.

Mourning and remembrance: In the chapters of this soul-touching audiobook, mourners will find meaning and wisdom in grieving and the love that will always remain. Each chapter is a study and lesson in coping with loss:The heart is like a garden. It can grow compassion or fear, resentment or love. What seeds will you plant there? – Gautama Buddha