Joined in 2023 
82 
63 About this deal
I like to spend my weekends playing chess with elderly men in the park. But it’s becoming more difficult. You try finding exactly32 old guys. Don’t be the absent dad. The biggest mistake that dads make are not being there for their children. Always, always set aside time each day and each week for your children. Don’t let anything violate this sacred time. And at those big moments in your child’s life — a soccer game, a music recital, a science fair — do you very best to be there. It means the world. I loved her, instantly. Of course, most parents love their children instantly. But I mention it here because I still find it a remarkable thing. Where was that love before? Where did you acquire it from? The way it is suddenly there, total and complete, as sudden as grief, but in reverse, is one of the wonders about being human." ― Matt Haig, "How to Stop Time" What makes a joke a dad joke? Well, when a dad becomes a dad, his sense of humor becomes ap parent too. Before he knows it, he’s dropping pun-laden one-liners left and right just like his dad did, and his dad’s dad did, and he may even inherit some mom jokes too. (Is your grandmother funny? That’s usually the biggest tell.)
My landlord told me we need to talk about the heating bill. "Sure," I said. "My door is always open." A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.” The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine.” Always a partner, a playmate and a teacher / Ready with a joke when times were sad” ― Nancy Sinatra, “It’s for My Dad”
Find a Scheme of Work
Are Dad jokes good for you? Inarguably. Recent studies have shown that a good dose of humor, however groan-worthy, can lower your risk of cardiovascular illness, increase your body's ability to fight pain and prevent disease, and even help you live longer. Yes, fine, it didn’t help my dad live longer, but I know for a fact that he was laughing on the last day of his life, and that seems like the best possible way to leave this mortal coil. What's the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment. My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. "She obviously has COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "Because she has no taste." I tried to start a professional hide and seek team, but it didn't work out. Turns out, good players are hard to find.
Our fathers, step-fathers, and grandfathers do so much for us every day. So why not celebrate the men that are important to you? Say happy father’s day with this Best Dad Ever Card. Featuring bold lettering that reads 'Best Dad Ever' in a lovely chrome pink.
Math Problems
My wife wanted to spice up our sex life, so she asked if we could play doctor tonight. It seemed like a weird idea, but I’m eager to please.
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That's my stepladder,” he said. "I never knew my real ladder.” If your Dad is incredi-ball he will love a jar filled with his favorite treats and this INCREDI-ball Dad Label on the front. Let Dad know he is the best Dad bar none with this free printable candy bar wrapper for Mr. Gooddad. He’s sure to do a double-take and laugh at this one. Fathering makes a man, whatever his standing in the eyes of the world, feel strong and good and important, just as he makes his child feel loved and valued.” — Frank Pittman I tried to get a smart car the other day but they sold out too fast. Why? I guess I'm just a bit slow.
Feeling Tired
Did you hear Bruce Springsteen changed the lyrics to one of his songs? What’s he going to change next—his hair? His clothes? His face? In 2017 I didn't do a marathon. I didn't do one in 2018, 2019, or 2020, either. This is a running joke. Everyone loves a good un and that’s what dad jokes are built on. Ask any newspaper headline writer and they’ll tell you, the secret to drawing readership is all about a snappy title that makes you giggle Here are the best puns for dads. Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line. A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the middle of the ocean. Both crews were marooned.
What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm. Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst. Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with? I'm just asking for a friend. I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess. Why does a husband lead a dog's life? He comes in with muddy feet, gets comfortable by the fire, and waits to be fed.Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker. My wife gave birth three times and still fits in her prom dress from high school. I gave birth zero times and I don’t fit in my pants from March.
Great Deal 
New Comment