My First Adult Spanking

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First things first is to get to know your submissive. If you submissive gets nervous before a spanking, then it might be a good idea to bare them during or just prior to the "Confrontation" stage of the 3 C's, and really get them nervous since everything is laid out. My own spanking experience is limited. Sure, I’ve tenderised a steak with a rolling pin. I’ve even administered training to an unruly puppy. But channelling a 1950s headmaster is not a forte of mine. In sex, too, as in the rest of life, not everything we think will be fun ends up being so once we do it.

It is IMPERATIVE you discuss these limits within your dynamic, otherwise you can end up like one of my worst ddlg relationships ever where shit just happens without the other partner ever really consenting to it. Soft limits are generally meant to be pressed forward- so it's up to the dominant and submissive to discuss these sorts of things and decide what's best in regards to moving forward with these limits.Men are nervous about this, too!” Says Katherine. “Inflicting pain on a woman, even erotic pain, is a little daunting!” She thinks many a man is OK with the act of spanking his lady but he may not be OK with the part of himself that likes it — he might be wondering if there’s something angry, violent, or wrong with him. Alternatively, baring before you go over the knee is also a great way to do it. If you need to be expedient, doing so over the knee can work as well. Toying with power dynamics can be as alluring as it is discomforting. When it comes to spanking and gender-roles, baggage about power can enter the bedroom on an express train. Although love taps are certainly not exclusively man-on-woman behavior, anecdotally, guys spanking gals is one of the more common manifestations. Some dudes relish lady-swatting, which makes them feel powerful or manly. Roche, for instance, says he loves the “power aspect.” But other dudes are justifiably freaked out by such a request. Men are, after all, taught never to hit women.

Bizarrely, I couldn’t stop thinking of my Uncle Nigel. A big fan of obscure and curious objects, I knew he would’ve been mesmerised by the oddities on display and I had to resist the temptation to text him: ‘10 points if Auntie Mavis guesses what this is? Clue: it’s not a dog chew’. Spanking can be great fun to introduce into the bedroom. Through lots of communication, individual couples need to figure out all the details of the delivery themselves. Safety is paramount, of course, but timing is everything. If done wrong, says Fulbright, spanking “is the kind of move that can totally kill the moment!” But once you’ve got your partner where you want them, have fun! There’s no one right way to spank someone and if it hurts too much — or too little — to be pleasurable, you’ve got to speak up! Now, if there is a soft limit of keeping the pants up, then just discuss together when it would be best for the pants to come down! We'll talk about the layer cake and baring in a little bit. Start on the outside, and by the time you're on bare, you can really settle in for a good long handspank, or switch to implements at every layer. We will discuss warm ups at a later time, but just realize that for most spankings, going too hard too fast can really make it less enjoyable, tolerable, or at the very least less effective. I also generally leave everything exposed for a while (no matter the layer), especially if I intend to put my submissive into time out after the spanking.Spanking is appealing to everyone for different reasons. “Some people like the punishment, role-playing thing, some people just like the spanking part of it. For some people, it’s more innocent,” says Rachel Kramer Bussel, editor of Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica, who wrote passionately about her love of a good spanking on her former Village Voice sex column. I had once read an article in my youth (okay yes I'm still young at 25, but bare with me!) that explained that jeans will reduce the energy transfer of a spank by up to 70%, while underwear can reduce the transfer by up to 30-40%. But as long as you are aware of the risks, and have a consenting partner who also wants to try this with you, there is nothing wrong with wanting what it is you want from sex. Its up to you on how low you want to bare your sub's layers to. If you want to protect your submissive's modesty, you can spank bare while covering just below their bottom with their underwear or pants. This means you cannot strike the sit spots as well, nor the tops of the thighs at all. It’s not often that thanks to Victorian-era erotica, a 15-year-old girl experiences a sexual epiphany. But that’s exactly what happened to Katherine* during her sophomore year of high school.

Human sexual behavior and desire are way more diverse than most people give them credit for. One person's "Oh,gosh no," can be another person's "Oh, hell yes,"and that is completely fine. So, if those nerves and embarrassment you're feeling are in any way related to thinking that what you want is "bad," I want to say two things to you: There are many factors (including those societal expectations I mentioned earlier) that make communicating about sex a daunting thing to learn. But believe me when I say that future-you is going to be very glad they started that process sooner rather than later. Being able to talk openly about what you want and negotiate boundaries with a partner is an important component of having a healthy sexual relationship -- not to mention a satisfying sex life! -- so the sooner you start practicing, the better. The layer cake method implies that you start on a layer of clothing and slowly go down to bare. You might start over pants, go to panties, and then to bare finally. Soft limits: These are limits that are okay to push after discussion, and carful understanding. For instance, if the soft limit is using a wooden paddle, maybe we discuss purchasing one, and start by either using it over jeans, or by draping a towel overtop the submissive's bottom. Alternatively, if the submissive is okay with pressing these boundaries, perhaphs the dominant will use a paddle without having specifically asked to during a session because things are ramping up appropriately. A good way to ensure consent in this scenario would be to ask if the stop light is still "green" after announcing the intention to use the paddle. So, you've decided to give a good hard spanking, and you've decided to want to pull some layers down because your submissive is a-ok with it!

Let's pause here to discuss the possibility that he may feel uncomfortable just talking about spanking. Not the most comforting thought, but you can still prepare for that outcome. You have to figure out what part of it you’re interested in exploring so you can explain it to the other person.”