The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control

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Intense perfectionists crave the ideal outcome. They ignore the process and fixate on the goal more than other types of perfectionists. The adaptive intense perfectionist is an inspirational leader with a relentless drive to succeed, but also appreciates the journey and understands that mistakes happen. Maladaptive intense perfectionists have impossible standards and drive people away with their demands and critiques. From Self-punishment to Self-compassion

Morgan Schafler's book identifies five distinct types of perfectionist - Classic, Parisian, Messy, Intense, and Procrastinating. As you identify your unique perfectionist profile, you'll learn how to manage each form of perfectionism to work for you, not against you. Beyond managing it, you'll learn how to embrace and even enjoy your perfectionism. Yes, enjoy!Combining vivid storytelling, rigorous research, and deep analysis, Morgan Schafler provides a practical guide that can help you learn, thrive, and flourish." this book made me understand that yes there are different types of perfectionism and one may exhibit the characteristics of multiple types in the different aspects of one's life. these five types were differentiated and explained perfectly well and it's really such a shame how little we know/are taught about perfectionism. it's not an illness, it is simply a part of one's being. what makes it a problem are the maladaptive ways we use to cope. Our collective mental health isn’t so great right now—we’re roughed up, so to speak, post-pandemic. What can we do about this? A procrastinator perfectionist would experience immense difficulty writing this sentence because it comes at the beginning of a book about perfectionism and, accordingly, needs to be perfect (and there's no better first sentence than the one a procrastinator perfectionist imagines in her head but never actually writes down).

Eight Behavioral Strategies to Help Each Type of Perfectionist Build Restoration Habits that Enable Long-Term GrowthI will always love planning and organising - it’s who I am! Reading this made me realise that I do it because I want to and not because everything may fall apart if I don’t! I will work towards going with the flow and not seek to curate each and every experience. As a restored perfectionist I will define success on my own terms ‘understanding that it’s not that you long for some external thing or for yourself to be perfect, it’s that you long to feel whole and to help others feel whole’.

The definitive guide for anyone who's ready to walk a crucial pathway: from the appearance of control, to the possession of a quiet power.' SUSAN CAIN From psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schafler, an invitation to every "recovering perfectionist" to challenge the way they look at perfectionism, and the way they look at themselves. Schafler has treated hundreds of perfectionists in her private practice and recognizes that for many, perfectionism is rooted in a childhood of abuse, neglect or conditional love. It’s not as simple as just advising someone to lighten up. “Managing perfectionism by telling perfectionists to stop being perfectionists is like managing anger by telling people to ‘calm down,’” she writes. But the good news, according to Schafler, is that we can make perfectionism a tool in our lives by easing up on self-punishment, which she defines as hurting or denying yourself. We may think we are punishing ourselves to learn or grow, but we are actually just creating more fear and demoralization. Morgan Schafler lays bare provocative new insights into how "perfectionism" is often just code for "women excelling too much," and identifies the strategies and mindset every high-achieving woman needs to quell her inner critic and embrace her true talents." A valuable, much-needed perspective that gives you permission to be more in a world that's telling you to be less.”Once you understand that chasing perfection is about trying to access wholeness, it changes everything about the way you see and respond to your perfectionism. If you can learn to see yourself as a whole and perfect human being, you understand that you are as worthy of all the love, joy, dignity, freedom, and connection as the best, most complete, most well-accomplished human being could ever deserve. Are you – gasp – an ambitious perfectionist? Have you tried and failed to find that elusive sense of “balance” we’re all meant to seek? If you answered yes to these questions, this is the book you must read. Morgan Schafler has written the definitive guide for anyone who’s ready to walk a crucial pathway: from the appearance of control, to the possession of a quiet power.” I started to reverse engineer perfectionism, turn it inside out. In examining my own perfectionism and diving into the years I spent working with perfectionists, clear patterns emerged-five distinct presentations of one core concept, the five types of perfectionists. Think of someone you love. Now think of the sound of that person’s laughter. Is that sound not perfect? There’s nothing you could change about that laughter to make it better; it’s already complete, it’s already whole. When you say someone is a “perfect stranger,” you’re not saying they’re a flawless stranger, you’re saying they’re a complete stranger to you. “Joy, love, dignity, connection, and freedom, these are birthrights, not prizes to be won through achievement sprees.” To escape this negative mindset, perfectionists have to practice self-compassion. They have to remember that everyone makes mistakes and nothing is flawless. They have to shift their focus from what’s wrong to everything that’s right, and all the future possibilities that will make things feel even more right.