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In reality, discipline is about connecting with your children in their time of need. We provide that support through our connection with them, that calms and steadies and regulates them – and then we give some teaching about what we hope will be able to change about that reaction the next time around. Not that we expect [that it] actually will change! The retort: That is exactly the same thing as helicopter parenting, and we all know that is bad for kids! The book isn't all bad. The emphasis on developing a trusting relationship with the child is, if not practical, at least encouraging. Early in the book she presents the idea that children don't know how to calm themselves down - those neural pathways haven't developed strongly yet. So having a parent guide them through that over and over helps those pathways develop until they are able to do it by themselves. I wish there had been more on this point. Are you tired of defiant behavior and the endless cycle of yelling and nagging? Parenting is challenging but doesn’t have to be with the right tools. Instead, discover a natural way of encouraging good behavior that is both loving and effective. You deserve to feel empowered, in control, and confident in your parenting.
My minor complaint with this book is that it is at times overly wordy and gives too much information to use as action points. I'd have to make flashcards and memorize all these points. One part of the book had, I believe, nine "touchstones" that you are supposed to go through in a particular scenario. But a lot of parenting books are like that so it is a minor thing. My name is Arabella Hille and for the last 10 years I have been working and educating my son from home. The reality: Nope. I don’t. Although even in the area of industrial organizational psychology, the data is very clear that employees perform better and companies are more successful if the leadership culture is one of compassion alongside expectations and firmness. But remember, your child is not an adult. Your child is a child. With a child’s brain. And with all of the realities that come with an immature brain in terms of behavior and emotional regulation. See number (1) above and get on the program of growing them a brain that is going to help them sort out how to best conduct themselves in the workplace, and also, how to best manage their stress if they happen to have an asshole boss.Gain more positive energy to give to your child and the other loved ones in your life (including yourself).
When your child is threatening a meltdown in the grocery aisle, it really is possible to keep your cool, get the behaviour turned around, and support healthy development, all at the same time! No more power struggles. Improve communication, connection and decrease defiance. Gain more positive energy to give to your child and the other loved ones in your life - including yourself. In this easy-to-read, science-based book, parents, caregivers and big people of all kinds will discover how discipline affects children’s development, why intervention should reinforce connection not separation, and why the disciplinary strategies that may have been used on us as children are not the ones that children really need. In addition, you’ll learn: What don’t we get? Well, let’s take a good look at some of the most common retorts and remarks that will be offered up in response to any kind of suggestion around compassionate parenting, especially when it comes to discipline. Hi, I'm Arabella Hille, author of the best-selling, Ultimate Guide Parenting series and Founder of Victorious Parenting.The retort: My child is going to need to have this figured out as an adult, so they might as well figure it out now. These approaches] respond with something that either creates fear in them or isolates them. Because they're so desperate to have the connection restored, they will cease the behaviour. But it's a façade of control. Internally they're still quite unsettled and dysregulated. In the longer term, that can actually leave your child more prone to things like anxiety, depression and attention challenges. Turn their defiant behavior around using my neuro-scientific strategies designed for every age and lead with confidence and strength.
How the concept of “childhood” has been understood in different ways historically and why we must understand it anew today. This guide will help you across your child's whole childhood. It provides respectful solutions to both you and your child without the need for yelling or punishing so that your love and growth will have a domino effect on all that witness it. The reality: Parenting with compassion and kindness and in a way that is informed by the science of child development is not the same thing as “helicopter parenting.” Helicopter parenting – a very buzzy word in the parenting culture right now – is the kind of parenting style in which parents hover over their children, seeing to their every need and protecting them from all manner of hurts and disappointments. The concern seems to be that if you are doing this with your children, are you not doing your children a disservice and even robbing them of opportunities to develop confidence. The intrusiveness that comes with helicopter parenting is very unsettling for children. And typically, it is born of a parent’s fears and insecurities, which soon become the child’s own fears and insecurities. Do not mistake a parent’s insecure presence (the hoverer) with a parent’s compassionate care (the provider). The hoverer is worried, nervous, and uncertain, and prevents their child from ever having to come to terms with the things in life that simply cannot be. The provider is confident, all-knowing, and in charge, and supports the child in regulating around their upset in coming to terms with the things in life that cannot be. The hoverer’s actions are born of fear. The provider’s actions are born of confidence in knowing the needs of the child.
My son once suffered from crippling low self-esteem. This was due to being bullied at school that resulted in an incident where he tried to take his own life. He was just 8 years old... I have mixed feelings about this book. As a whole, yes, it is helpful. I agree with a lot of the "big picture" ideas. The author is advocating attachment parenting, setting firm limits while allowing the child's reactions to those limits and putting a primary focus on spending quality time with the child and strengthening the child-parent emotional bond. All great stuff. One plus I will say is that compared to another, similar author I read (Laura Markham who wrote the forward in this book by the way) the scripts given in this book are shorter, more realistic when put into practice. Instead, it's about moving towards positive leadership and gaining the right tools to become an empowered individual who is in control without being controlling. My guide will help you across your child's whole childhood. I started to share this information with other parents and decided to reach out and help as many parents as I could.
The retort: Kids need to know who is in charge – and like hell I’m gonna let them believe they are in charge. My kid is going to know who is boss. Period. The good news is, that this does not have to be your reality. In this chapter, you will become aware of what is going on behaviorally and how to avoid going off the edge with everyone else. This chapter will empower you to do something different in your parenting than the masses. You will learn the keys to cultivating a culture of success in your home so that you too can experience the peace and freedom you deserve in your home!The retort: If you molly coddle a child through every single tough time, how will that child every deal with tough times out in the big bad world? No. This offends me so much and I think it is quite contradictory coming from a professional who claims to be advocating AVOIDING making children feel shame or guilt. The argument makes no sense-- one is supposed to raise a child to not feel shame or guilt but one is supposed to feel guilty over parenting mistakes? Anyone who has tried to make a life change (losing weight, addiction, etc) knows that guilt doesn't work as a long term motivator. If you want to be a better parent, work on yourself because you want to feel better and you want to improve your family life and enjoy life more. If one has guilt it is because one hasn't forgiven oneself and that's an unhealthy way to live. You will also discover what blame culture is and how it relates to low self-esteem in children. Conversely, you will discover what success culture is and how to cultivate it. The foundation of a healthy, effective approach to discipline that respects your child’s developmental needs… and works! No more yelling, nagging, or fighting. Gain more positive energy to give to your child and to the other loved ones in your life (including yourself).
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