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On the road to giving up my controlling ways, I tried to make modifications, tried to be more subtle, even thought I was improving at times with some of the techniques below. But all of it got me to the same lonely spot: wondering why my husband was withdrawn, distant and defensive. Kristen, I can see why you’re at a loss after you’ve tried everything. You shouldn’t have to work so hard. That sounds really discouraging and scary. You are definitely not alone with this. I remember the days when I needed a miracle to fix my marriage. To paraphrase Thomas Wolfe, miracles not only happen around here, they happen all the time! Eucharia, I can see why you’re feeling heartbroken! I would be too if my husband were doing that, especially with a new baby on your hands. Laura Doyle is a New York Times Bestselling Author, Relationship Expert, Host of The Empowered Wife Podcast at Laura Doyle Connect. | Updated: 09/05/2023 Incidents and feelings of humiliation can both lead to serious mental health problems. Generalized anxiety and depression are common among people who have experienced public humiliation, and severe forms of humiliation can be crippling, causing a person to abandon his or her interests or stop pursuing goals. When parents use humiliation as a form of punishment, the consequences can be particularly damaging. Children who have been humiliated by their parents may suffer from chronically low self-esteem as well as a host of mental health problems.
Cynthia, My husband is 11 years older, and I had the same experience that the man I married disappeared and gave up. I thought it was hopeless and nearly divorced him. But now I have the marriage I always wanted. I’m hosting a free webinar that you would find valuable where I show you exactly what to do to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life: Me and my husband are not talking with each other. I am trying to overcome his behavior but don’t know why nothing is getting materialize. have come across your how to control husband article.Initiation rituals sometimes use humiliation. For example, hazing often causes its victims to be humiliated. Humiliation also sometimes plays a role in sexual relationships. Sexual mishaps can be particularly humiliating, but some people also choose to participate in consensual humiliation by participating in sadomasochism, bondage, domination, or sexual discipline. Effects of Humiliation Mommy of 4, what you’re going through sounds exhausting. You are doing so much! I admire your courage and commitment in fighting for your marriage all these years. I’m talking about important, life-shattering things like loading the dishwasher properly and making the bed. If I didn’t show him, how would he ever learn? Poor thing! You are not alone. Many clients initially express frustration that they have to do all the work when the husband should be doing his part. I agree! But I couldn’t get my husband to do his part. I did drag him to counseling, but it only made our disconnect worse. The 6 Intimacy Skills gave me the power to turn things around, regardless of whether he was resistant.
My husband has disappeared! The man I married, I mean. He has taken to the couch and given up. He does have health issues. He is six years older but now that I’m retired and chomping at the bit to enjoy it all, he has shut down. I barely leave the house now. I work online with a team, but rarely communicate with anyone else. I’ve lost all trust in humans and I’m burnt out from being used and thrown away so many times. I can’t help but view other people as dangerous wild animals that could turn around and bite me at any moment. It just isn’t worth the risk to get close to anyone again. There are a few people in my family that I will let in to a certain extent, but even then I am wary of getting hurt. It’s completely changed me as a person. Maybe that’s a good thing. Marwa, it sounds hurtful that your attempt to restore the intimacy was met with such resistance. I love your commitment to staying the course.Jeona, I’m sorry to hear about the cold war at your house. I still remember those at my house, and they were no fun. I’m happy you found your way here because you have the key to making things playful and passionate again. I hope you get your hands on the Six Intimacy Skills. I lay them out in my book/audiobook, The Empowered Wife, which you can read a free chapter of here:
Physically, I have healed a lot, although I look and feel as if I’ve aged a decade in the last few months. I was put in intensive therapy for a while and told I had CPTSD, which was actually useful. I still had a few things from childhood that needed fixing, so that was a tiny silver lining. People would ask him questions-doctors, waitresses, delivery people–and I would answer for him to make sure that everyone got the right information and impression of our family. 3. Making decisions for him, like… It wasn’t until I learned to recognize my controlling behavior and make a different choice that the romance returned. Humiliation is related to embarrassment, but is typically longer-lasting and more painful. A person might feel embarrassment after misspeaking or performing poorly on a test, while humiliation tends to go alongside more significant public failures. Humiliation also sometimes occurs with trauma, particularly physical violations. Rape and assault victims, for example, often report feeling humiliated.Rosenberg, S. (n.d.). Humiliation. Beyond Intractability. Retrieved from http://www.beyondintractability.org/bi-essay/Humiliation Connie, it is so painful to have such a disconnect with your husband, especially after the changes you made. I really admire your commitment in choosing your faith over your fear.
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