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The Art of People: 11 Simple People Skills That Will Get You Everything You Want

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Kerne explains that self-awareness should be at the core of the art of people. It’s so important to understand yourself and how you function before you’ll be able to truly understand anyone else. Thus I have told you something of what I think is to be hoped and feared for the future of art; and if you ask me what I expect as a practical outcome of the admission of these opinions, I must say at once that I know, even if we were all of one mind, and that what I think the right mind on this subject, we should still have much work and many hindrances before us; we should still have need of all the prudence, foresight, and industry of the best among us; and, even so, our path would sometimes seem blind enough. And, to-day, when the opinions which we think right, and which one day will be generally thought so, have to struggle sorely to make themselves noticed at all, it is early days for us to try to see our exact and clearly mapped road. I suppose you will think it too commonplace of me to say that the general education that makes men think, will one day make them think rightly upon art. Commonplace as it is, I really believe it, and am indeed encouraged by it, when I remember how obviously this age is one of transition from the old to the new, and what a strange confusion, from out of which we shall one day come, our ignorance and half-ignorance is like to make of the exhausted rubbish of the old and the crude rubbish of the new, both of which lie so ready to our hands. Accomplishment involves connecting your dots to those of others and vice versa. Great people skills maximize dot-connecting because they create relationships grounded in mutual trust and respect. The 11 skills Kerpen identifies come with 53 tips on how to build them. Here are my favorites:

It’s pretty understandable that you know your friends a lot better than you do someone you just met. However, Kerne has a few tips you can use when you first meet someone to speed up the process and understand who they are. Rather than the usual ‘what do you do for a living’ or ‘where do you live’ consider a few of the following questions:Strong people skills are how I built my business. I find it’s a common thread amongst all successful people and no matter what level your people skills are at today, after reading this book you will see a dramatic improvement!” This is the Enneagram,” our psychologist instructor, Brad Kerschensteiner, informed the eight of us. “While much less famous than the Myers-Briggs or DISC assessment, it’s actually far more reliable than those two or any other personality assessment for that matter, and its wisdom has been used and passed on over centuries.” Forget conferences and seminars and courses. Dave’s tips and strategies won’t just make you the smartest person in the room; they’ll make you the most successful — and most liked — person in the room, too.” For example, I am a strong Enneagram type 3, striving to be outstanding. One of my common pitfalls has been the “I’ll Do It” syndrome, or saying yes to every offer, opportunity, and request I get, thinking that the more I accomplish–the more interviews I do, the more projects I agree to, and the more clients I take on–the more outstanding I’ll be.

Another part of being human is the need to be liked. This desire to always be seen as a nice person can actually harm you in the long run. It can mean you give your time away to anyone that asks, regardless of how beneficial it may or may not be for you. People who ask a lot of you often don’t offer anything in return. And these are the people you should be blowing off. Now you’re going to get to know the person next to you better than you know many of your friends, in just three minutes with just three questions!” said the tall, enthusiastic speaker on stage in front of 1,200 people. You can suggest alterations to their idea when it’s not quite what you wanted. Suggest that their idea was a great starting point but have they considered a few ways to make it better? It’s important not to leave anything out, the more on your profile, the more likely you are to connect with people who have something in common with you. I am as sure of one thing as that I am living and breathing, and it is this: that the dishonesty in the daily arts of life, complaints of which are in all men's mouths, and which I can answer for it does exist, is the natural and inevitable result of the world in the hurry of the war of the counting-house, and the war of the battlefield, having forgotten--of all men, I say, each for the other, having forgotten, that pleasure in our daily labour, which nature cries out for as its due.

BE A LEADER

If there’s someone you’d particularly like to meed, search them on LinkedIn and find a mutual connection. (This should be easy if you’ve covered all of your bases). Ask the mutual connection to introduce you and hopefully, you can set up a meeting. Write down three people-related weaknesses you want to work on. Write down a solution for each one in light of your core Enneagram assessment. The Art of People is a guide written by Dave Kerpen on how to manage some of the most important people and relationships in your life. Kerne emphasises that people matter. They matter more than anything, in managing your job, career, life and relationships. People can make all the difference between an average life and a great life. This book has 11 handy tips on how to understand people, build better relationships and get the most out of relationships. Yes, surely these times are wonderful and fruitful of change, which, as it wears and gathers new life even in its wearing, will one day bring better things for the toiling days of men, who, with freer hearts and clearer eyes, will once more gain the sense of outward beauty, and rejoice in it. Kerne also explains that you don’t ever get what you want unless you ask for it. He believes that people get too scared about hearing the word no that they don’t actually ask for what they want. And in not asking, you’re guaranteeing yourself a no. So don’t be scared, ask! CHANGING MINDS

But, if I must say, furthermore, any words that seem like words of practical advice, I think my task is hard, and I fear I shall offend some of you whatever I say; for this is indeed an affair of morality, rather than of what people call art. Most people who claim to be a ‘people person’ actually aren’t. Kerpen’s book shows how to actually become one. Thoughtful and inspiring, The Art of People is as important for leaders as it is for the rest of us.” It’s important to remember that no two people are the same and your strengths may differ significantly from someone else. When aiming to teach someone something new, don’t assume they are the same as you. First identify their strengths and understand how they can be utilised to learn and be successful in the task at hand. So I will say that I believe there are two virtues much needed in modern life, if it is ever to become sweet; and I am quite sure that they are absolutely necessary in the sowing the seed of an ART WHICH IS TO BE MADE BY THE PEOPLE AND FOR THE PEOPLE, AS A HAPPINESS TO THE MAKER AND THE USER. These virtues are honesty, and simplicity of life. To make my meaning clearer I will name the opposing vice of the second of these--luxury to wit. Also I mean by honesty, the careful and eager giving his due to every man, the determination not to gain by any man's loss, which in my experience is not a common virtue.I have just shown you for one thing that lovers of Indian and Eastern Art, including as they do the heads of our institutions for art education, and I am sure many among what are called the governing classes, are utterly powerless to stay its downward course. The general tendency of civilisation is against them, and is too strong for them. You may not walk away understanding the person completely or even liking him any better. But you’ll have a fighting chance to build a more productive and beneficial relationship from then on. How, then, shall we, the minority, carry out the duty which our position thrusts upon us, of striving to grow into a majority? On the other end of the scale, we are all busy and often can’t afford to give people our time. Sometimes when you are unsure about the value someone can offer you, you’ll blow them off without giving them a chance. Although this can work in your favour, sometimes you might be missing out on valuable opportunities. People skills aren’t about how many friends you have on Facebook or how many people tweet at you— it’s about truly connecting and understanding those you work and live with. The Art of People hands you the tools you need to build meaningful relationships and transform your future.”

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