The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent

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Affinity Psychotherapy Training: https://affinity-psychotherapy-academy.com/advanced-diploma-in-contemporary-relationship-therapy/ In this definitive book Betty guides the reader through the Wheel of Consent framework, and shares practices to help recover the ability to notice what you want and set clear boundaries.

The key to learning how to have fulfilling, consenting exchanges is learning how to set and keep consensual agreements. This means that everyone remains fully in choice at all times, and still gets what they need. Here is a simple example: I ask John if I can place my hand on his knee, and he replies, “Sure, that’s fine”. On the face of it, we seem to have consent. But the Wheel of Consent® says our agreement is not complete until we have also answered the question, “Who is it for?” April 27 - May 3, 2024 - Sacred Intimacy Training, with the Body Electric School. Betty will be assisting, in person New Mexico This has been a very short introduction to the Wheel of Consent®, which is about so much more than just saying ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. Rather, it is both a conceptual map, and a somatic experience, which can fundamentally change the way we experience and relate to ourselves, and each other, in all areas of our lives; from friends, to family, to work colleagues, to our most intimate relationships. In these practices, you’ll discover that the Art of Giving includes knowing your own limits so you can be more generous within those limits, and not give beyond your capacity.

More About The Wheel of Consent

The most obvious way to use the wheel of consent is to play the three-minute game. This involves asking and receiving two questions: ‘how would you like to be touched for three minutes’ and ‘how would you like to touch me for three minutes’. You can find videos that offer more instruction, information and insight into how this can help you to recognise different sexual situations here. You can also find a foldable handout here . Think about your most comfortable dynamic This deeply nuanced way to practice consent as an agreement brings integrity, responsibility, and empowerment into all human interactions.

Engaging in this practice means engaging with the most fundamental aspects of caring for and respecting personal autonomy.

Calendar & Classes

February 5 - November 3, 2024 - Certificate in Sexological Bodywork, with Kian de la Cour, hybrid - online and in person, England, UK The truth is that many of us struggle to fully communicate our desires, or clearly state our boundaries, or take full ownership of our own capacity for pleasure and intimacy. Consent of all kinds is about so much more than simply saying 'yes' or 'no'. Consent is more than simply "yes” and “no”, because interactions between people are never that simple, we are far too interesting and complex for that! For the most part, our desires are mostly buried under layers of self judgement, shame or just not knowing! What we want is often unclear or unspoken, so instead we try to muddle on with a mixture of second guessing, performance, telepathy and people pleasing. I don't know about you, but that never seemed to get me anywhere, least of all to the kind of intimacy and relationships I really longed for. Perhaps John has told me he’s feeling pain in his knee, and I am medically trained, so I offer to put my hand on his knee to see if I can find out what the problem is (the touch is for John). On the face of it, consent should be simple. Yes means yes, and no means no. We clearly communicate exactly what we feel, and it is immediately understood and acted on accordingly by others. However, real life is often more complicated. In all areas of life; with our friends, family, work colleagues and in our most intimate relationships - our consent skills may be impaired, for any number of reasons:

Gain greater awareness of the cultural and social power dynamics that operate in a therapy relationship or session, thereby developing more awareness of shadows and blind-spots.These four quadrant names, Giving, Taking, Receiving and Allowing can be applied to non-touch interactions as well as touch-based ones. For example, you can Give someone a massage, and you can also Give them a birthday present. Access two ways to receive and two ways to give and feel the joy of each of these four possibilities for interaction That's why the Art of Consent exists! Founded in Oxford in 2017 by Rupert James Alison, we are grateful to be supported by a superb team of assistants and co-facilitators. Since April 2020, we also hold some of our workshops online. The dynamics shown above describe interactions which are happening with the full, informed consent of both people – i.e. with awareness of both who is doing, and who it is for. The Wheel of Consent® can also describe what happens without consent: The official Wheel Of Consent book is finally here! The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent by Dr. Betty Martin, with Robyn Dalzen

Awareness of the Wheel of Consent helps people avoid these kinds of misunderstandings, and lets people know that they have an equal right to occupy all of the four quadrants. It also emphasises that ongoing communication during intimacy is usually a good idea, and provides a really clear language for doing that. To help clarify the four dynamics, or ‘quadrants’ created by these two questions, we can draw a simple diagram of the Wheel of Consent. The vertical axis (using orange text) shows who is doing - either I am doing, or you are doing. The horizontal axis (using green text) shows who it is for - either it is for me, or it is for you . First, we'll illustrate the example where shared touch is happening: Another question people often ask about the Wheel of Consent® is ‘’How can I tell whether I am feeling a ‘want to’, a ‘willing to’, or a ‘not willing to’?”

How I use Wheel of Consent to Help You

Discover new aspects of sexual dynamics in relationships. The Wheel invites couples to explore all four dimensions of Giving, Receiving, Taking and Allowing in full consent. The Wheel is also an embodied practice, which uses breath and awareness to help develop more noticing of our feelings and body sensations. Reconnect with their wants and needs. To be able to ask for what they want, need, desire or enjoy. Or being able to say what they don’t want or enjoy. This is a good question! With all the emotions often associated with sex, such as excitement or anxiety to please the other, it can sometimes be difficult for people to distinguish between what they want to do, what they are willing to do, and what they are not willing to do. This is particularly true if they have got into the habit of ‘going along with’ certain kinds of touch - either because they think it’s what their partner wants, or because their social conditioning (e.g. related to power imbalance, or their gender) has trained them to do that. The Wheel Of Consent allows you to understand the crucial part of any exchange: who it is for. It allows you to answer this key question: