The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide To Finding Intimacy, Passion And Peace With Your Man

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Ambrose Redmoon wrote, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the decision that something else is more important than fear.” Every time you reinforce your husband's faults you're creating a Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecy. In Success Self-Programming, Lee Milteer talks about how one wife complained that her husband had a terrible temper, and every time it flared, she would say, "That's just like you to lose your temper!" After attending Milteer's workshop, however, this woman realized that she was inadvertently reinforcing her husband's behavior and she made a decision to start saying "That's not like you to lose your temper!" I did know that marriage was risky because I had watched my parents go through a brutal divorce. Still, I was hopeful that I could do better. I was amazed that my husband, John, could love me as much as he did, and part of me believed we could make our marriage work simply because it was born of so much goodness. Are you dismissing the talents he brings to the relationship because you don't see them as valuable? If that's the case, then you're missing out on one of the biggest gifts of marriage — having reinforcements in the areas where you're weak, and the benefit of two perspectives. If you still think your husband is not as smart or capable as you, ask yourself why you married him. Answering that question will remind you that those traits are right before your very eyes, and that they're there for your benefit.

urn:lcp:surrenderedwifep0000doyl:epub:54dac2eb-4119-46e8-9a7e-aa2ca2610004 Foldoutcount 0 Identifier surrenderedwifep0000doyl Identifier-ark ark:/13960/t0cw43q5r Invoice 1652 Isbn 1416511644If you're anything like me, you're used to being vigilant all the time. This means that although you have plenty of your own responsibilities, you keep an eye on lots of other things as well. We do this because we believe that if we were really to let go and sleep with both eyes shut, everything might go to hell in a hand-basket. At first our marriage was blissful. Then, I started to see John's imperfections more glaringly, and I began correcting him. It was my way of helping him to improve. From my point of view, if he would just be more ambitious at work, more romantic at home, and clean up after himself, everything would be fine. I told him as much. I've noticed lots of women have trouble receiving compliments, and not just because we're trying to be modest. If you don’t think your husband deserves your respect, ask yourself what it was you saw in him that made you marry him in the first place. At that time you trusted and admired him. Chances are he’s not all that different now than he was then, and therefore is still worthy of your admiration. Whenever you anticipate what your husband is going to say or how he's going to act, you're not in relationship with him -- you are outside of it. I used to miss a lot of my marriage treading around its edges. I would be afraid he would be angry about something I did and anticipate what I would have to say to defend myself long before I knew if he would really be angry or not. Now I try to remind myself that I have no idea what my husband will do or say before he does it.

You may have heard, just as I did, that the key to a good marriage is to communicate. I figured that if some communication was good, more was better. Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being.” —GOETHE” a surrendered wife is not afraid to show her vulnerability and take the feminine approach Well, we are all vulnerable sometimes.. not sure what the 'feminine approach would be, in real terms though! One woman complained to me that her husband had called her terrible names while they argued and that his verbal abuse was simply intolerable. As we talked some more, she told me some of the dreadful things she had said to him during this same argument. At first, she objected to the idea of apologizing for her disrespect because he had not yet apologized.

Examine your complaints to see if you can re-frame them as qualities that you delight in. You'll soon remember what made you fall in love with your husband. Often my desire to lash out at my husband is a cover for another problem. I'm tempted to blame him when I don't want to have to blame myself or the boss or my mother. Other times I'm just too depleted to have a reasonable perspective, and the tiniest things start to bug me more than usual. Now I know to look inward before I lash out. I may still be miserable once I find out what's really bothering me, but at least I won't have acted on a red herring — and alienated my number one supporter in the meantime. Laslow, I; Louise, C (Sep 2005). "Review of Laura Doyle's "The Surrendered Wife" ". Relationships. THI. Doyle does not fit my mental picture of a "surrendered wife". Throughout our first meeting, her husband jumps up and down to the buffet, getting her whatever she tells him she wants. Sometimes she doesn't even have to tell him. His greatest wish seems to be to make her happy. In marriage, as in nature, water seeks it's own level. Chances are your union doesn't defy the laws of nature. That means your husband matches you perfectly. His strengths are the perfect counter for your weaknesses, and vice versa.