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The PDA Paradox: The Highs and Lows of My Life on a Little-Known Part of the Autism Spectrum

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Harry began to write the first draft of his book in 2015. After connecting with many autistic & PDA families, he pivoted his direction and completed his book in about 6 weeks, a memoir entitled the PDA Paradox: The Highs and Lows of My Life on a Little-Known Part of the Autism Spectrum, published in February 2019. He launched his YouTube channel in 2017. Bless your heart for writing on this, it made me laugh. And if all fails — may I make a suggestion, it could be your 16th point. I wont be PDA about how right I* am on this point…but 16 should be “If all fails, start laughing uncontrollably and with a robust for the joy of it.” Sometimes it feels like everywhere we look, there is demand bearing down on us that sends our anxiety through the roof. Find ways to step away from it all, every day or as often as you need, where you can just ‘be’. It is something that you can do for two minutes or two hours. But it is a great way to calm the mind and to reduce your anxiety. There are lots of free apps that have guided meditations on them with lots of personalities and styles to choose from to fit your style of unwinding and focusing. You have given me a great resource for overcoming my many “blah” days and for retuning my mindset when it strays into the mental brambles of imposter syndrome and self-distraction; reminding me that I too have something valuable to contribute to the lives of others, instead of sinking into the disillusionment that chains my mind and prevents me from following my passions.

I don’t know about you, but I have very poor impulse control which has led to me painfully regretting some of my impulsive decisions. If you have someone you trust who is sensible and has your best interests at heart, just run your more extreme impulses by them before jumping in head first. As a clinician who has worked with complex young people and adults with Autism throughout my working life, I was delighted to be asked to review this book. I read it in one sitting. It is the most articulate, honest, entertaining (and sometimes funny) book about PDA I have read. I would highly recommend it to anyone who wants to gain an insight into how this profile impacts upon individuals, their families and those who work with or are involved in their education. -- Dr Judy Eaton, Consultant Clinical Psychologist

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I feel it’s almost a vicious circle; we want to do an activity, can’t, get frustrated, which causes anxiety, then that leads to a spike in needing control and inability to do activities.

Find your tribe. If being autistic makes you feel like an alien on this planet then being PDA can sometimes make you feel like a space monster. I don’t know about you but, from a young age, the overwhelming and ever present demand of conforming and following precise life points has been the most intense and inescapable demands of my life. Just stopping everything and going with the flow of what your brain decides it wants to do can be powerful to reduce anxiety. It puts you right in the driving seat, which gives us PDAers all that lovely control that we thrive on. I’ve been searching for something that would help me with the things that I’ve been wanting to accomplish, but my PDA has made them seemingly impossible and I found it here in your candid words.

It gives you time to think of a way to reject the demand in a less abrupt manner, and it will remove the pressure of having to do it in person. The main strategy, in my opinion, is to reduce as much anxiety as you can. Again, I know how easy that sounds and how difficult it is in practice, but read on.

Go to school. Get a job. Get married. Buy a house. Have children. Have the same cookie-cutter life as all the Smiths and the Joneses. I tried, HARD, to fit into these moulds but always ended up sabotaging them or only being able to do them for a short time before the need to do something else took over.

Harry, if you read this review, please know how much I truly appreciate your candid words and for not “binning” this book! The more demands are perceived or placed on you, the more you will be pushed towards meltdown – and no one wants that. Pushing yourself to meet demands in high stress times can cause burnout, and then you’ll get nothing done. It is a liberating experience reading someone else’s words and finding them to resonate in your bones like they could be talking specifically about you.

By finding your tribe, you’ll find that you’re not alone and that these people think and react in the same way that you do, plus these are people who you don’t have to mask in front of. Having the freedom to be yourself is like having the best stretch in the comfiest bed. Hilarious…love your stuff. Its taken me sixty-five years to come to this conclusion about my self. I always used the adage ” Eh.. (I’m Canadian)…I’m a free spirit”. My wife says “Rebel Without a Clue” as a twist of that old 1955 movie with James Dean. Also, good article. I find writing lists extremely helpful – and keeping a small notebook on me. And refuse to buy outside of it or deviate from my plan otherwise the impulse control can be so problematic (I can just leave it for next time if not pre-decided – it eliminates stress of decision making on the spot in public) . What seems like a good idea when even mildly sensory overwhelmed is often not. The kindest and best thing for both them and you is to let them stay up until they are ready to go to bed. Let them play in their bedrooms or watch TV. Believe me, I know the pressure of trying to raise your child how you are told you are supposed to do it– with strict bath and bedtime routines, etc. People will accuse you of being too lenient and spoiling your child.It really feels like a big disrespect to people who identify with PDA that people call it rational because they do not experience it as rational and want to be understood. Much like with OCD, it can become a self-sabotaging act that really interferes with quality of life (which fits the definition of pathological).

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