I'm Ok, You're Ok

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I’m OK—You’re OK position is considered the optimal, healthy position and is generally game-free. People occupying this position will hold the belief that all people are innately worthy and valuable. That people are OK is a statement which describes their being or essence rather than their behaviour This position is characterized by an attitude openness and of honesty and trust. People occupying this position will be collaborative and accepting of themselves and others. When I think I’m not OK but you are OK, then I am putting myself in an inferior position with respect to you.This position may come from being belittled as a child, perhaps from dominant parents or maybe careless teachers or bullying peers. People in this position have a particularly low self-esteem and will put others before them. They may thus has a strong ‘Please Others’ driver. Once I observed an eleven-year-old, nonverbal, autistic boy evidence the seeming perception of the I’ M NOT OK-YOU’RE not ok position by an intense, repeated hitting with his fist, first his counsellor, and then his own head. It was as if he were acting out his view of life: You’re not ok and I’m not ok. Let’s smash both of us. Albeit it doesn’t sound conservative as it’s highly critical of religion, a few passages are very conservative and judgmental.

You know a book is a classic when you see it featured in sitcoms. In an episode of Seinfeld, Jerry opens the door of his apartment to find all-time hopeless case George Costanza spread out on the couch reading I’m OK – You’re OK. For Jerry, reading a self-help book with a silly title is just one more piece of proof of his friend’s loser status.By taking this approach true dialogue doesn’t happen so your vital perspective is lost. Being unable to share your opinion can also lead to stress, frustration or at worst burnout. The second half of the book begins by briefly describing the six ways that TA practitioners recognize individuals use to structure time, to make life seem meaningful. Harris continues by offering practical case studies showing applications of TA to marriage and the raising of both children and adolescents. This section of I'm OK, You're OK concludes as Harris describes when TA can be relevant to an individual's life, and how and by whom it might be delivered. He promotes the idea that TA is not just a method for specialists, but can be shared and used by many people. The boy might simply have problems that are not (necessarily) a consequence of “I’m Not OK, You’re Not OK” position. Provocation or come-on encourages and confirms our script belief, coming from the demon in the Parent. The real-life applications of I’m OK, You’re OK are multiple and potentially life-changing. Including:

Rather than working with abstract concepts of consciousness, Harris suggests that the pioneering work of brain surgeon Wilder Penfield in uncovering the neurological basis of memory could offer complementary insights grounded in observable reality. To the left is the handwriting of Harris. It comes from a first edition copy of I’m OK – You’re OK that Harris personally gave to Berne in advance of the publication. It reads:

Counterinjunctions

People sometimes believe that speaking up is the same as being bossy, pushy, or disrespectful of other people. When we take this aggressive approach, we’re enabling our voice to be heard, but we’re not respecting or listening to the other person. Harris's assertion that a child does not mature with the life position I'm OK - You're OK without therapy has been criticised as positioning TA as a quasi-religious soteriology. [7] In the popular television show ALF, season four, episode five ALF takes on the topic of TA with direct reference to OKness, and even says to Willie, "I'm OK, You're OK". Hemminger, Hansjörg. Grundwissen Religionspsychologie. Ein Handbuch für Studium und Praxis. Herder 2003, pp. 59f. Respond, don’t react: if you find yourself feeling strong and unhelpful emotions in an interaction, it can be really hard to stay assertive. Take a deep breath, pause and think. Your feelings and emotions are entirely valid, however assertiveness means not allowing those feelings to drive your behaviour.

With the I’m not OK, you’re not OK position, a sense of abandonment is felt during the first year with strokes either few and far between or non-existent which may lead to confusion and a sense of pointlessness, so simply stops trying to bother at all. Depression and withdrawal can conclude with mental institutionalisation. Learning to be assertive takes time, self-control and confidence. Follow these five steps to develop your assertiveness skills: In the situation described above, this disposition apparently has no effect. It seems so. However, it does have one. Namely, it gave me permission to feel cool and superior. These aren't good conditions to interact in unison and harmony with your environment. Imagine I hadn't realized what I was doing. So when transactional analysts represented alcoholism as a “life script” for example, they only made themselves sound a bit ridiculous (see: rational wiki).

Berne had developed something called ‘Transactional Analysis’. It was a boring term for an exciting concept, reversing the Freudian tradition that saw the world as ‘I’ or ‘me’-centred. For Freud, other people were not important as people – they were merely one’s ‘object relations’. Berne reacted against this, elevating relationships to the high table of study. He believed that an encounter between two or more people, a ‘transaction’, was psychotherapy’s elusive unit of analysis. Instead of asking a subject about themselves (as in psychoanalysis), one could determine the problem simply by being a witness to what is actually said or done in the course of a transaction. Berne (as well as Harris) would perform psychotherapy sessions based almost entirely on observations of what his subjects were doing, saying, and engaging in.