Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

Product Information

A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.

Terri Cole defined it as “overly invested in the feeling states, the decisions, the circumstances, and the outcomes of the people in your life, to the detriment of your internal peace, maybe your financial well-being, maybe your physical well-being.” I stumbled upon this book a little late. I had already had my crisis, realized I needed to change my life and started taking steps in the right direction. Therefore, about half of the book I didn't need. I could see myself 5 or 10 years ago in a few chapters, 1 or 2 years ago in others. It made me a little angry that I had to go through some of the things I went through via trial and error, without the aid of this little self-help book. I could see how helpful it would have been if I had had it then. If you already know what co-dependency is, this isn't the book for you. This is a book for those who are struggling and have no idea what the hell is wrong with them. We all know these people. They don't know yet that they need help, but they do.

12min Tip

For individuals who are struggling with religion, higher powers, spirituality, or the term God as Him - like me - may struggle with parts of this book. Or maybe individuals who are set in their beliefs, and it doesn't include God as Him. I also learned that I need to detach myself from the people in my life that cause me harm…emotionally, physically, doesn’t matter…

Think that they are responsible for the feelings of the other person. This sense of liability emerges in various shapes and sizes through thoughts, actions, wants, and deeds – you name it. This is not an accurate portrayal of a codependent individual, but it serves as a good starting point. It’s merely a profile that can help us dispel doubts regarding the urges of these people. Melody Beattie’s compassionate and insightful look into codependency—the concept of losing oneself in the name of helping another— has helped millions of readers understand that they are powerless to change anyone but themselves and that caring for the self is where healing begins. Be present each moment for yourself and the people you love. Grace is like breathing. We can't get ahead of ourselves; we only get the breath we need now, and we only get one breath at a time."

I am capable of developing and maintaining healthy and loving relationships. The need to control and manipulate others will disappear as I learn to trust those who are trustworthy. You have learned that you will never learn everything there is to know," he replied. " And you have learned how to stop the pain".” Few situations—no matter how greatly they appear to demand it—can be bettered by us going berserk. Why do we do it, then? We react because we’re anxious and afraid of what has happened, what might happen, and what is happening. Many of us react as though everything is a crisis because we have lived with so many crises for so long that crisis reaction has become a habit. We react because we think things shouldn’t be happening the way they are. We react because we don’t feel good about ourselves. We react because most people react. We react because we think we have to react. We don’t have to. We don’t have to be so afraid of people. They are just people like us. We don’t have to forfeit our peace. It doesn’t help. We have the same facts and resources available to us when we’re peaceful that are available to us when we’re frantic and chaotic. Actually we have more resources available because our minds and emotions are free to perform at peak level.” In all honesty, there are innumerable definitions about codependency. All of them are focusing on the consequences of codependency and less on the actual causes that fuel this should. We call it a disease.